Friday, January 2, 2009

Cheers to 2009

The end of 2008 was a bit rocky between my boyfriend and I.

And here I am, thankful for having him to love me, almost unconditionally.

Knowing about friends who are getting hitched even though their relationships are younger than ours might hurt me a bit, but little did I know that it hurts my boyfriend even more when he finds out that I am hurt because he thought he was unable to provide me with happiness although he loves me so much.

It makes him a failure, he said, to love me but he cannot give me what I really want. It saddens him, he said, to see me sad because of the things he cannot give to me, not yet, at least. Last night, he told me that he feels exactly what I feel, he just doesn't express his sadness to me, because the difference between me and him is the gender.

I told him that it is not his fault. Sometimes, I am just sad and I permit him to neglect me all he wants and I will be alright in time, like usual. "How could I ignore you when I know you are not happy?"

We always have good times together.

How many guys in this world who would still like and love you in the ugliest form?

My boyfriend genuinely likes me even though I am in my pyjamas (which is far from sexy, by the way) and my hair is uncombed, I haven't showered or brushed my teeth yet, all I have to do is sit on the sofa with crossed legs, not smiling, but he would still think I am the prettiest girl he ever met in his life. Even if I lay my recent photos and ask him to pick his favourite, he would always choose the one which carries the most 'me-being-comfortably-at-home' aura, he gets even excited if he sees I-am-opening-my-mouth-widely-as-I-about-to-eat pose.

I could order anything I like and eat however I like, I could suck on my ketam masak lemak and let the gravy dirty my Malay hands, eat a slice of cake and show him my chocolate stained teeth, I could chew loudly, have food dangling at the side of my mouth and say, "Yummm..." and "Sedapnyeeee" intermittently because I think the food is delicious. My boyfriend would adore me every time and he would let me know me know how he enjoys looking at the way I eat my food which increases his appetite to taste my adventurous choice of food even if it means it would give him terrible allergy reactions.

For the above, I feel special. I feel myself and not somebody else.

How I wish my parents could see how I see him. How I wish my parents knew that he is one of the rare fews who could tolerate with my unexpected mood swings and temper. How I wish my parents adored his patience, his manners and his knowledge like I do.

Our 2009 resolutions are to be better Muslims, to lead a happy life together and to be successful. That's all. I can't believe we want the same things in life.

Came to think about it, since I started this relationship, I began to believe in lots of things.