I have a friend, lets call her Kate. We are close, but there's always a barrier between us that cannot be broken. She built it and she guards it.

Kate is a person who has many groups of friends, but unlike me, she keeps them separated. I still remember how I used to get hurt because she liked to leave me behind when she had plans with her other friends. The thing is, I had nobody else at that time, so sometimes, I felt lonely when she did this. I told myself that I cannot become her bestfriend, because a bestfriend won't treat you like this. (Besides, I don't believe in having a bestfriend, I don't like to rate my friends and label who's best or second best, it's childish.)

Now that we are back on our motherland, I don't mind her doing it at all. I am not lonely anymore, yeay!

We are still keeping in touch and I mostly know what she has been up to. But a recent event made her keep a distant from the rest of us. You see, Kate is now seeing someone who doesn't like it when she tells too much. And we respect that.

One of Kate's sibling got married. Our friend, Jack, questioned why we weren't invited. When Jack's brother got married, he invited us to come, when Ivy's sister got married, we attended the wedding. It's what friends do. Jack thinks it's odd.

Since I was the 'closest' to Kate, they came to me to ask, but I wasn't invited either.

Serena: Do you think she forgot to invite us?
Me: She must have a reason not to invite. Oh, you know Kate. She always has secrets and all...
Serena: Yeah, I know. She and her secrets.
Me: Did you see the wedding photos?
Serena: I did.
Me: Did you see anything different?
Serena: Like what?
Me: Do you know how we always suspect that she has more family members than she told us? It's confirmed. Maybe that's why she didn't let us come. She doesn't want us to know.

Why did we have that kind of suspicion? It's like a jigsaw puzzle, to have to put all pieces together to see the bigger picture.

1)
Our friend, Fatin, who was like a sister to Kate, always complained that she couldn't view Kate's photos in Facebook. Fatin lives abroad, so, it was important for her that she was being updated regarding our activities because she wouldn't want to be left behind.

Kate told me, the reason she keeps them private is because her aunts and uncles are on Facebook too. Sometimes, her friends tag inappropriate pictures of her, so she doesn't want the elderly to see them.

The two of them are no longer talking to each other, but that's a different story altogether.

Now, that I've seen her brother's wedding photos, via her sister's Facebook page, (because I can't view photos on her page, remember) I begin to understand.

Their cousin, tagged Kate and her siblings, and also, some other boys and girls who happen to have similar names and their father has the same name, too, all wearing the same colour baju kurung and baju melayu.

That's the downside of naming your children Nurul Atikah, Nurul Afikah, Nurul Asyafikah, Nurul Athirah, Mohd Ikmal, Mohd Iqbal, Mohd Irfan, Mohd Ifran etc.

2)
When I first met Kate, I thought she was just like me, coming from an average family.

Me: I think the government should give scholarships to deserving students. Sometimes, even though the kid is smart, gotten all As and everything, but if his or her family could afford it, why would they be given a scholarship? Better give it to someone who is smart AND poor, so the kid can improve his or her life, right? I really hate those who use their family connections just to get a scholarship when it's so clear that they don't even need it.

Kate: No, I don't think so. As long as that person is smart, he or she should be granted with a scholarship.

Me: But that's unfair. The government couldn't give scholarships to just everyone. Besides, rich people always have the advantages to be better than the poor students in term of studies. They can go to tuitions and they don't have to walk to go to schools, they study in schools where the good teachers are...

A few weeks after we landed in the foreign country, I found out her father transferred a 5-figure number worth of RM into her bank account, reserved only for travels, leisures and emergencies.

No wonder she was so offended.

Kate: We have to make sure my sister get a scholarship.
Me: Why? Your father can afford it even if she didn't get it.
Kate: Ectopy, I come from a big family. Even though my father is rich, tapi I banyak adik beradik.
Me: What do you mean? He only has 6 children! (And he still gives you guys thousands of ringgit per person, per month!)

3)
Kate always tells us that she has 2 sisters and 3 brothers.

Sometimes, there will be extra people in the house. Who are they? The answers would always be different.

Sometimes, it would be, "These are my cousins."

Some other times,
"This is my Adik." Eh, but I thought you said you have 3 brothers?
"Memanglah." So, who is this?
"My Adik." Wait, your brothers are Ikmal, Iqbal and Irfan, right? So, who is this again? How many brothers do you have?
"...(change topic)..." Wait, I am still confused!
^
^
^
Some people just don't know when to stop. (Slaps forehead)
Kate was obviously uncomfortable, but my blur friend just had to demand for an explanation.

One time, was even funnier.

Haliza: Hello, little boy, who are you?
Boy: I am Boy, Kate's brother.
Haliza: Oh.

Haliza: Kate, I didn't know you have another brother.
Kate: No, he's not. He's my cousin.
Haliza: But, why is he saying he's your brother then?
Kate: I don't know. But he's not my brother. (Nervous laugh)
Haliza: Okay...

---------

I think Kate secretly knows that I know her secret and she must be very glad because I give her privacy. Come on, pandai-pandailah, kita pun dah besar, she will talk about when she is ready. If she doesn't want to tell, why ask further?

Maybe that's why I am the closest to her. I understand without her having to tell.

---------

Kate ni pun satu hal jugak.

She comes from a very tight family. She gets along very well with her step-siblings.

I mean, I see the 'cousins', 'adik angkat' and 'extra sisters and brothers' all the time in her house.

But why does she have to hide this kind of things? Is it still a taboo in our society?

It's not uncommon nowadays, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.

My other friends talk very openly about their fathers second and third wives, how they prefer one over the other, or how they hate their stepmom but loves their step siblings...

I think it will be less burdening for Kate if she just admits. The thing is, it's difficult to admit when you've been dodging the issue for very long.

---------

In the August issue of majalah Perempuan, or was it Wanita (?), there are two articles about poligamy.

It's amazing how I can loathe one family, and love the other one, even though both family practice polygamy.

The one that I hate is an Ustadz who married 4 women, each staying in a different state, one even lives in Australia. Apa dia ingat perempuan perempuan ni hotel? Tempat persinggahan? How can you be fair when your wives are so far from you at a time. How can you keep track of your children? So, you leave your wives to manage everything on their own lah! There's not even tolong menolong sesama madu concept in this marriage!

Lepas tu nak berbangga dalam majalah pulak. Please lah!

The one who lives in Australia, quoted, "Rasa seronok sangat sebab dapat bersama abang beraya ke rumah-rumah madu saya, pusing-pusing satu Malaysia." You are so immature!

Barf!

The other one is about an Ustadz with 3 wives. He married the first wife because her father approached him to take care of his daughter, he agreed. Then, he married the second and third wives because the first wife suggested it to him, even tolong meminang them for him.

And...The second and third wives are janda, people who were wrongly treated during their first marriages. And both of them are medical doctors.

Now, this sounds much better, right!

My cousin came to Mother's house for a Raya visit.

Cousin: Oh, my God!
Me: Why?
Cousin: This woman, she approached my friend to marry her husband.
Me: Why?!
Cousin: She wants the Golden Umbrella.
Me: The what?!
Cousin: She wants the Payung Emas God promises to give in Heaven, if you live peacefully with your husband and his other wives.
Me: Oh. Why she didn't approach you then?
Cousin: Because, I am not good enough for her husband. Dia nak orang-orang tudung labuh je...

Hehehe...

I actually want to write a decent post but I was caught up reading a blog from A to Z, and it's already too late!

Anyway, just a quick one.

As you know, I had an accident a few weeks ago. Also, my car was smashed and I was nearly robbed one year ago.

Because of this unfortunate events, I've had people suggesting to me to sell the car and buy a new one.

I refuse.

First reason is, this is my first car and I don't use it that often. The mileage is minimal so, it'll be my loss if I were to sell the car.

Secondly, it is the last thing that Father helped me to purchase before he passed away. I remember how we had to wait for a few months just because he wanted me to have the family's plate number. He also witnessed the night the robbers terrorized me. (Sometimes, I wish he would just shoot them bastards.)

Basically, the car really means a lot to me. I don't care if it will end up as my 'kereta pergi pasar', as long as it's there. We could always buy a new one, right?

Besides, I don't believe in luck, especially bad ones.





I notice a similar thing between the two incidents. I was wearing baju kurung!

I don't consider myself as someone who wears baju kurung rarely, but one of my bosses once pointed out to me.

Boss: Eh, hi. This is the first time I see you in baju kurung.
Me: (Shocked) Really? I've worn it before! (Defensive)

The first time, when the two guys hit me, I was so shaken that I went to sleep sobbing. You know, that's the time when you start to think the worst thing that could have happened. Not only traumatized, I was also beating myself up because supposedly, the first thing that should have come to my mind, was the Shahadah.

During the recent incident, I am glad that I remembered God. Although not immediately, but that's an improvement from the last time. If I were to die, at least I won't regret my last words.

I've had two near-deaths experiences but I am still tudungless. Insaflah, Ectopy!!!





Last but not least, regarding me forcing my husband to eat...Hehe. I guess, it's not so much of me wanting to punish him, but more of him following my orders.

No.

It's actually the fact that he listened to me and did not reciprocate my anger that made me forgive him. Can you imagine if he started to scold me back?

The argument would have been definitely extended and uglier.

So, to guys out there, now you know what we, women, want.
Sometimes, it's nice if you make us feel like a Goddess once in a while.
It works for me!

1)
At my parents' house, I browsed through an old highschool album.

For the first time in my life, I think I was not a bad looking girl. Cute jugak ape...

Stupid boys...How can they not fall for this face, huh!

2)
Me: Abang, cantik tak Rozita Che Wan ni?
Husband: Oh...Ni lah Rozita Che Wan...Ni anak Chef Wan tu eh?
Me: (Slaps forehead)

3)
Me: Okay, nak tengok Final Destination 5 ke, Conan the Barbarian ke, The Smurfs?
Friend: Tak nak tengok The Smurfs!
Husband: Kita tengok Conan the Barbarian lah...
Me: Final Destination lah best!
Husband: Final Destination yang first je yang best...Cerita pasal Lailatul Qadar.
Me: Cerita pasal Qada' dan Qadar lah!!!

4)
Me: Kalau you tak sampai esok, siap you! I mengamuk!
Husband: Mana boleh mengamuk! Syurga you di bawah tapak kaki I!
Me: Oh...Syurga I di bawah tapak kaki you...Syurga you tu dekat bawah sini juga...
Husband: Memang pun...Bawah tu syurga dunia I...(Evil laugh)

My husband always regards my pussy as his heaven.
:D

5)
I met an old friend because he came back for a short Raya holiday.

Me: So, who have you met today? Or, who else are you planning to meet today?
Friend: I have met Rina. We had coffee in KL Sentral.
Me: Then, where is she?
Friend: She had to go somewhere.

Rina is our mutual friend whose profession is the same like mine.

Friend: So, how's work?
Me: Okay lah...Not too bad.
Friend: Rina complained a lot.
Me: About her clients?
Friend: No. Generally. She complains about the system and macam-macam lah.
Me: I see...

At that point, it hits me: There's nothing sexy about complaining.

I am meeting an old friend and I definitely don't want him to remember me as someone who likes to complain.

Let this be a reminder for me.

6)
Last Friday, my husband went for his Solat Jumaat and came home really late.

I called and called but he did not pick up his phone.

Finally, at 2.45pm, he came home and I was so angry at that time, ready to throw tantrums.

He was oblivious about my anger, so he didn't expect my fierceness.

Me: You pergi mana!
Husband: Pergi sembahyang lah.
Me: Kenapa tak angkat phone!
Husband: Oh, sorry, sorry, tak dengar.
Me: You pergi mana?
Husband: Abang makan tadi.

Me: Makan! You makan! Habis you tak fikir isteri you tak makan!
Husband: Abang lapar tadi. Kawan ajak makan.
Me: Habis I tunggu you lama-lama buat apa!
Husband: Okay, cepat, abang teman you makan.
Me: I tak nak you teman I makan, I nak you makan sekali lah!

Me: Apasal tak boleh nak SMS cakap you balik lambat! Apa guna handphone tu kalau tak guna! Apa guna you bawa kalau you silent kan handphone tu!
Husband: Sembahyang tadi kena silent.
Me: Masa makan tadi tak ingat I langsung! I tak kira, I nak you makan dengan I!

Husband: Ha, okaylah...Cepat, ambil pinggan tu.
Me: I nak you hidangkan untuk I.
Husband: Okay, dah.
Me: You nak makan sangat kan tadi? Lapar sangat kan tadi? I nak you habiskan nasi atas pinggan you tu. I tak kisah!
Husband: Tapi ni banyak sangat ni. I dah kenyang.
Me: I tak kisah. Siapa suruh you pergi makan tak beritahu I!

Husband: I kenyang ni...
Me: Kalau you tak makan, I tak nak makan!

Husband: Okay, I makan ni...

And that's how a controlling wife punish her husband- feed him sampai meletup perut.

Garang gila nak mampus I ni!

You know, during the recent ordeal, someone recognized me. Well, not me, but Father. He read out my name and instantly guessed who my daddy was.

I did not know him though. A lot of people knew Father but I am just his daughter, I don't know his acquaintances except for a few.

"Arwah baru meninggal dunia masa baru lepas balik Haji kan? Saya tak sempat nak datang melawat masa tu..." he said.

I mestilah rasa sebak masa tu. Teringat-ingat what could have happened if Father was still alive.

You know, the saying 'Harimau mati meninggalkan belang, manusia mati meninggalkan nama'?

Even though after he passed away, there are people who still remember him by name. He must have done something great in his life, eh?

And here I am, so far, have done nothing really significant. What will people remember me by after I am gone? What great things I should do, or maybe, I could do? Will they even remember me?

I am beginning to think that I will probably never reach the high standard that Father has set for his children. It's depressing to think that has Father ever be proud of me?

Biarlah if he has never been proud of me, but I hope he knows I am proud of him. I wish our relationship was better and I could tell him that I really love him. I hope he knows that he has done a great job raising us. Any fault that I do, is because of my rebellious and stubborn nature, and has nothing to do with him.

I texted my friend, Jay*, for my money back. He said he totally forgot about it!

I told Eric* about this.

Eric: Dia lupa sebab dah lama sangat kot! Setahun lebih dah!


----------



Friday can be a good day or a bad day.

A good day if you get to enjoy the long break. But a bad day if you need to do something, but everyone closes too early and opens too late in the afternoon!

This recent Friday was a good one turned bad for me.



----------



"Abang, I accident!" I told my husband over the phone.

What happened was, I was stuck in a traffic jam. One motorcyclist was probably in a hurry. He lost his balance and his motorcycle fell on my car. I asked him, "Okay ke bang?"

But he sped off, leaving his gloves behind. I continued driving. At my destination, I inspected my car but nothing was scratched. What was he scared of then?



----------



My husband had paid for two seats for us for Iftar with the orphans at De Palma Hotel, Ampang.

It was a last minute thing, so he told me, "Sayang pakai baju kurung tau! And tolong bawakan Abang punya kasut GA and shirt biru G2000. Abang jumpa sayang dekat sana je."

I went home and applied on a quick and simple make-up. I began my journey. I drove my usual speed, but was frustrated with the long queue for the toll. To kill time, I roughly calculated the amount needed for this Hari Raya. I now have an extended family that expect duit raya from me!

Suddenly, I realized there was something lying on the road. I didn't have the time to avoid it.

A loud thump and airbags covered my view. I decelerate and finally came to a stationery. Luckily I didn't hit anything else while I was temporarily blind.

My car was honking non-stop.

I felt tight at the chest. I released my seatbelt and took a breath or two. I thought the glasses were smashed but they were all intact. I began deflating the airbags. Then, I realized smoke was coming out from the dashboard, it was probably dangerous. However, I couldn't open the driver's door, so I came out through the passenger's side.

I took a peek outside and saw nothing really damaging.

"Abang, I accident," I told my husband, for the second time in one day!

Him: Accident apa?
Me: Tak tahulah. Tapi airbags semua keluar ni. Boleh tak datang?

Then only I sensed panic in his voice.

"Airbag semua keluar? Dekat mana? Nanti abang datang. You langgar apa tu? You bawa laju!" he scolded me.

After we hung up, I knew my husband would be arriving late, judging by the traffic in KL. I didn't want to call my family because I did not want to interrupt their buka puasa. Besides, I did not need their nags.

So, I called my friend, Eric*.

Me: You dekat mana?
Eric: Dekat my apartment.
Me: Kerja ke hari ni?
Eric: Taklah...Ahad nanti baru kerja.
Me: Boleh tak datang ambil I? I accident lah...

I told him the shorter version of the story and waited in the car. The smoke was still coming out. Then only I realized I had not switched off my car engine.

Surprisingly, nobody came to my aid! Not a single soul.

After 10 minutes or so, a Ronda jeep came to check me out. My car was in auto lock. They put the orange cones and opened the hood of my car. The battery circuit was intentionally disconnected so the honking would stop.

"Akak pergi ambil gambar lori belakang tu. Akak langgar barang dia! Nanti akak boleh claim insurans."

I followed his instructions.

"Teruk ke kereta saya?" I asked.

"Minyak hitam pecah, kak. Sampai keluar airbags, ye kak, teruk ni," he said.



----------



In between my wait, I received more calls from my husband. He scolded me again and again while asking me to call the towing service.

Him: Kereta boleh start tak?
Me: I tak berani lah. Ada keluar asap-asap ni. I tak tahu asap ni dari enjin ke, or it's normal if the airbags come out.
Him: You ni...I tau, you tu bawa laju! I dah suruh bawa slow-slow kan!
Me: You nak pergi buka puasa, pergilah. I dah call Eric. He can pick me up. I tahu you ada kerja. Tak payah datanglah.
Him: I dah on the way ni. You tunggu situ!

More suprisingly, I was super calm during the ordeal. I did not shed a tear, I was not in anger, I was numb, I guess.

I was smiling when the Peronda arrived, still smiling when meeting the lorry driver.

But, but, ada ke patut, dah nampak aku langgar barang dia, sikit pun tak ada nak datang tolong aku!



----------



Towing guy: Boleh tunggu ke?
Me: Lama ke?
Towing guy: Dalam 40 minit macam tu.
Me: Hhmmm, okay lah, nak buat macam mana.
Towing guy: Awak ramai-ramai kan?
Me: Tak lah. Seorang saja.
Towing guy: Kalau macam tu, awak duduk dalam kereta, kunci pintu.

A few minutes later, he called again.

Towing guy: Awak Muslim kan?
Me: Ha? Siapa ni? Awak nak cakap dengan siapa? Tak ada orang nama Muslim dekat sini.
Towing guy: Tak, tak. Awak puasa kan? Orang Islam kan?
Me: Ya, saya puasa.
Towing guy: Awak nak saya belikan apa-apa?
Me: Beli roti je lah.



----------



Eric arrived.

He helped me transfer my things into his car.

While we waited for the Azan, I told him that I felt really guilty.

Me: Husband I dah marah I dah tadi.
Eric: I am sure he didn't mean it. Yang penting, you selamat. In fact, he will feel very guilty for scolding you in the first place. It's not even your fault. Things happened.
Me: Mesti Husband tengah lapar. Dia memang cepat marah kalau lapar.
Eric: Yang penting, you dah selamat...
Me: I baru ingat nak save duit. I baru minta hutang tadi. Dahlah bulan ni banyak pakai duit.
Eric: Itulah pasal...I rasa, kalau nak repair ni, mesti mahal. Harap-harap enjin you tak rosak. Kalau kena tukar enjin...Dahlah enjin baru pula tu.



----------



The towing guy and my husband arrived roughly at the same time.

"Ni nak ganti airbags lagi. Stereng pecah ni. Macam mana you bawa kereta?" my husband scolded me in his car, on the way to the police station.

"Yang you nak marah-marah ni, kenapa?" I finally started to cry.

Husband: I bukan marah, I nak suruh you beringat. You bawa laju, tu pasal tak sempat nak elak!
Me: Patutnya, you bersyukur tengok I selamat!
Husband: I dah call you tadi kan, you cakap you okay!



----------



Husband: Janganlah nangis. You ni, suka nangis lah.

Me: Bila masa pula I suka nangis? Baru sekarang ni I nak nangislah! You tu, sibuk tanya pasal kereta. Langsung tak ada tanya pasal I. Biarlah kereta tu. Duit I juga kan? You nak marah-marah I buat apa? Dahlah mak I marah I, suami sendiri pun nak marah I ke? Mak I cakap next year mesti insurans mahal. Semua orang fikir pasal mahal. Why can't you just be supportive?

Why can't you see that things can get a lot worse? You marah-marah I cakap I bawa laju. Cuba you fikir, kalau I elak, terkena tayar I, mesti kereta I terbalik. You pun nampak benda tu besar, kan? I boleh mati, you tahu tak?

Biarlah I nangis. I had an accident, tak boleh nak nangis? Orang lain, kalau nampak isteri selamat, terus rasa lega. You tu, langsung tak sentuh I pun. I dah beritahu you tak payah datang, kan? You ada kerja, pergilah buat kerja tu. I boleh settle semuanya sendiri.

Kalau benda macam ni jadi pada you, I would never scold you.

You cakap, I selalu accident? You tu selalu kena tipu, ada I bising? I am always supportive for you!

You ingat you seorang je lapar. Habis tu, I tak lapar? I kerja tak penat?

Husband: Sudahlah...Jom, makan.

Me: I tak nak makan. You makanlah. I nak tunggu dalam kereta.

Husband: Jomlah. Kena kiss dulu ke?



----------



That definitely gave my husband a piece of my mind.

Yelah, orang dah stress-stress, dia lagi nak tambah stress.

But afterwards, I still felt guilty. He was so hungry that he had a migraine. Then, when he ate, even his favourite food tasted bland. He also had a tummy ache and he was so tired that he barely could open his eyes.

I apologized to him for a number of times after that.

I bukan sengaja pun....



----------



I don't know how extensive the damage is. I don't know how long the car can be repaired. I don't know how long will it take for the insurance company to cover for my loss. I don't even know whether the insurance will pay for the damage!

Hari Raya yang sayu.

Kesian lah pulak kereta I tu.

When I was younger, I used to believed that things had feelings. The result for altruism, you know, when you keep putting yourself in others' shoes, even though the others are only things!

The feelings are not as bad since meeting my husband, because he was the one who taught me, things are things, they can always be replaced. (Although, he did the opposite that night, making me feel bad and all!)

But, as I left my car in Subang Jaya, my heart dropped. I could see my car's sad face, leaving it under the scorching sun for days, it must be thinking that I am leaving it for good. I could imagine it's sadness when undergoing a major surgery, probably multiple surgeries, all by itself. It has been a very long time since I last felt anything for an inanimate.

Sorry, car. I will be missing you. Get well soon, okay?

You know, punyalah I jaga you bagai menatang minyak yang penuh, mileage pun setakat geli-geli hati je, sampai orang car service tu ingat I tak guna you, buat apalah nak servis you...

Tapi benda dah nak jadi, kan?

Car, I hope you understand. Be strong.

1) Sometimes, I think it is probably better to live apart from your husband.
At least, whenever my period comes, I won't feel so sad as to why I am not pregnant yet.

If my husband is far, I can easily console myself that our situation is the cause for this fruitless attempt to get pregnant.

It has only been two periods, but I am impatient.

My husband is very indifferent about it. Ish. If I were pregnant, mesti dia buat tak tahu je!




2) I seriously think people who constantly update their gibberish Facebook status are lame. They are lame in real life, they are lame in the Cyberworld. I feel like they crave for the attention more than anything else. I like it better if they post interesting photos instead.




3) Speaking of photos, I want to have a vacation.

I have always been a traveller but my husband is not. Besides, work never leave him. Telefon tu asyik berbunyi je...

The funny thing is, I have never been on a holiday with him, so I wonder how it is like. Will it be as fun or will it be different?

Mine is always energetic and discover-y (?). With my husband, I think it would be more leisurely and perhaps, spending more time shopping, which, I don't really like.

It is scary. I am afraid of easily getting annoyed with him. I am more comfortable and happy if I go jalan-jalan with a person who is well-read, knows how to read the map, confident, and familiar with the transport system. (Hence, the travel partner)

My husband, on the other hand, only has been to a very limited number of interesting places, so I think, he has not found the joy going out and about.




4) For the people who actually know me personally, they are aware that I am a chatterbox. I remember details quite well. I tend to share stories, especially the one I like.

This one time, I was having buka puasa with two friends, one of whom I am very close with.

Chit chat chit chat, then before I knew it, my friend said, "You dah cerita! Tak payah cerita lagi!"

At first, I didn't mind. But, when I came home, cuddling with my sleeping husband, I recalled back what had happened and time tu baru terasa hati. When I think about it, it is quite embarassing to be cut off like that in the middle of the conversation, in front of his girlfriend pulak tu.

Delayed emotional onset. Hehe.

Then, mulalah nak rasa menyesal for accepting the invite to have dinner with them.
My friend has been asking me out, but since being married, it's impossible to hang out just the two of us. That night, I said Yes to him, thinking there will be other friends. But later on, I found it's going to be just us and his girlfriend, so, it's already too late for me to say decline the invite.

Takut dia terasa hati pulak...
Last-last, I pulak yang terasa hati.

Dahlah I am not very fond of his girlfriend. Kiranya, it was a courtesy jugaklah I went out with them, because I know everybody else has been avoiding. Too awkward. And he knows very well that I don't click with his girlfriend.

However...It is so unlike me to become sensitive over a small matter.

Last-last pujuk diri sendiri because at least I have a very loving husband by my side.




5) Back in my Uni days, I always listen to my friends' stories even though I've heard them before. Sometimes, I even pretended to be amused by them, as if I only found out about it.

One time, my friend, Jess, was telling me something. I nodded and listened and laughed along, until my other friend, Iva, broke the news, "Eh, kan I dah beritahu you pasal ni..."

Jess turned to me and scolded me for letting her go on and on about it. "Kenapa you tak cakap Iva dah beritahu you cerita ni!"

Well, I said, because you looked so excited when telling the story, so I don't want to kill your joy so abruptly. Besides, I continued, "I don't mind hearing it again."

I think it is only polite. Can you imagine, tengah semangat-semangat cerita, then suddenly, one person say, "Eh, tak payah ceritalah. I dah tahu ending dia..."

Unless the story teller is someone you dislike, I understand why you want to stun and hurt that person.




6) I am in need of a laptop, a smartphone and a digicam. Susahnya nak pilih. Because I go for good things that come in cheap price. Duh, mestilah susah.

Dulu, when Father was still alive, he was the one who chose and bought laptops for me. Easy peasy. I accept je...

Digicam pulak, I resorted to buying it via eBay. At that time, I didn't use Malaysian Ringgit, so I didn't really feel the amount of money being transacted online! The camera served me so well...

But since I balik Malaysia ni, it's quite scary, manalah tahu the purchased good tak sampai rumah or if I had to pay ridiculous shipping rate/ taxes.

I used to be against smartphones because I'd rather have separate things to do their proper designated job. Like, a camera is for taking pictures, a laptop is for surfing online, therefore, a phone is for calling and texting. Why would you jumble them all into one!

But, then again, my job requires a lot of references, which is very convenient if I could go online just a click away, or a device small enough to store all the information without carrying the actual weight of the books.

Now, I am torn between an iPhone (should I wait for iPhone 5?), a HTC, an Experia, I couldn't really tell the difference, but why is it so important for me to choose the correct one!

This can only be achieved if I had done some research, but goddamnit, why do I have to do an extensive research for a stupid phone, you think I don't have better things to do!

Nak pilih the best one satu hal, nak pilih harga pun satu hal, mahal sangat cekik darah, murah sangat barang ciplak, (why can't they all be standardised so I won't feel cheated!)

Lepas tu...

Ada beberapa orang hutang I, which amounted to RM10000!!! Bila korang nak pulangkan balik duit I ni...Takkan nak tunggu I jadi ceti kot...

Dahlah I pun tak ingat the exact cost they borrowed because I had faith in them. I really thought they will return my money cepat-cepat. Ni dah lebih setahun dah, I pun malu nak minta balik. (Eh, I pulak yang malu? Siapa yang patut malu ni?)

Seorang tu, dekat RM2000, buat tak tahu je...
Seorang tu, pinjam RM750, bayar ansurans dalam RM200 baru kot...
Seorang lagi tu, dalam RM300, and counting!
Seorang lagi tu, memang I ingat dia pinjam RM8600.

Masuk ASB lagi bagus.

I thought, when I whined about the amount I needed to use for my wedding, hint-hint lah suruh pulang duit. Tak ada jugak...

Tell me people, what is the best way, to ask for your money back?

I've been meaning to update. Every time, I wrote halfway and stopped, there are so many drafts accumulated and saved! Blame my short attention spam brain. That is me. I am easily bored and always needs constant stimulation.

Last night, I had difficulty to fall asleep. So, to pass the time, I have decided on the topic I want to write today!

In respect of Ramadhan yang mulia, I'll pen down stories about the kind-hearted, good-willing people, sejuk mak bapak mengandungkan korang.

Okay, here goes.

The first story is about my friend. She comes from a very wealthy family but she's so humble at the same time. She always wore baju kurung during our college days, and she wore her tudung, but not the fancy kind.

I have always admired her flawless skin. She was quite plump back then, but I appreciated her soft features. I thought she was pretty if you actually took a long look at her.

If you don't know her, you wouldn't know how comfortable her life is.

She had her early education in a religious school and it really shows!

As you might have guessed, we are no longer that innocent girls. Sometimes, we wish we were still the same, how can we have changed so much...

According to her, when she was little, whenever her parents scolded her, she would cry and feel very guilty. She would pray to God to take her life away, so she would no longer hurt her parents' feelings. She used to feel that she was such a bad daughter that she didn't deserve to live.

Well, when I was little, I could be very rude to Mother! I even wished for a different set of parents whenever I was mad!

It makes me wonder. What was so bad that she ever did? I'm sure her parents don't know about her doa, but if they do, they would be the most grateful parents to have a child like her.

Nowadays, whenever they quarrel, she still prays, but mainly for the fight to be done and over with.







The recent Bersih rally.

My friend is working overseas and both she and her husband were not happy with the PSD scholars who also did a demonstration in the foreign land.

She put up her Facebook status displaying her opinion on this matter, and of course, it caused some stir.

Basically, she said those who joined are ungrateful brats and the scholarship that they received are better deserved for other people who actually stick behind the government. "Aren't you ashamed? You come here to study, using the government's money, but instead of studying, you show you disrespect to the Malaysian government."

Bla bla bla. Someone commented, "Mind you, there is no such word as the government money. It's actually duit rakyat."

"Haa...Betul. Duit rakyat. Aku pun bayar tax jugak. Jadi, aku haramkan duit aku tu untuk kegunaan budak-budak ni!"

And no more people commented after that.







The issue on halal haram is quite complicated.

I know this guy, who further his studies on a scholarship by some Yayasan Islam Negeri or something like that.

After one year of studying, he told me about his summer plans. To apply for a normal scholarship and discontinue the one he already had.

Why, I asked.

Apparently, he felt burdened. "Sebab duit yang saya buat belajar ni, duit orang derma, orang zakat..." he explained. Therefore, he was compelled to make full use of the money, meaning he had to study really hard and never to use the money for personal gain.

"Saya rasa saya tak berhak untuk guna duit ni untuk berjalan-jalan. Mungkin ada orang lain yang lebih layak untuk biasiswa ni."

I, on the other hand, never really thought about it that way.

He made me realize, the scholarship/ loan that we are granted with, merupakan satu amanah.

But did that refrain me from travelling? Hell, no.

Don't worry, I will pay everything back. I taknak hutang dibawa mati.

Therefore, as an extra to the amount of money I need to pay, as long as I live, I will try to contribute as much as I could to the rakyat. And that is to compensate any misuse of the money, whether intentionally or not while I was being funded.

Tolonglah halalkan makan minum I...

Selingan

I am being transferred to a new department and was not happy about it.

"I suck in department X! Why can't send me to department Y!" I complained to my husband.
"Tu lah you, you tak suka department X, Tuhan bagi you department X. Lain kali, jangan cakap tak suka," my dear husband spoke.
"Tapi, kenapa Tuhan bagi benda yang kita tak suka?" I said, whining like a little girl.

His answer was,"Sebab Dia tu Tuhan, itu kerja Tuhan. Tak boleh bagi semua yang manusia minta, sebab nanti porak perandalah hidup."

Besides, God knows what's best for His beloved slaves. Terima je lah dengan hati yang ikhlas.





I watched channel 114, a religious movie, about a girl being brought up in a conservative Muslim family, but grew up smart and trying to change the community ways of thinking.
She encourages girls to read.

She wanted to open a library but her brother burnt all her books. Slowly, she collected books again, and asked for her brother's permission to turn one of the rooms into a library once more time.

Her brother looked at her basket full of books. Then, the girl said to him, "Abang, kalau abang bakar sekali lagi buku-buku ni, saya ikhlas."





Most people like to be adored. I, on the other hand, adore my husband very much. I especially like the deep, mature conversations with him and the way he teaches me things I don't know.

One evening, he took my car out for wheel re-allignment. He came back and did some cleaning for my car. He also examined the engine. I asked him a lot of questions about the car, and he patiently feed me with answers.
It is one of the little things that would remind you how intelligent and amazing your husband is.

"Baguslah you ni, pandai jaga barang," I said to him when seeing him was so into taking care of my car. "Tapi tak pandai jaga orang!" I playfully mocked him. And so, he grabbed by the waist and hugged me, "Siapa kata I tak pandai jaga orang?"

(Blush)





My friend gave a lingerie as my wedding gift. She asked whether I had officially worn it. "I dah pakai dah, tapi it didn't stay long!" I told her along with giggles.

When I arrived home, I informed my husband about what my friend and I had talked a while ago.

That night, I was sexy in my lingerie.

Him: Jom SMS kawan you, beritahu dia yang you tengah pakai hadiah dia tu...
Me: Eh, mana boleh, malulah!
Him: Tak apa, dia open minded.
Me: Tak mahulah. Nanti dia imagine macam-macam!

Semangat pulak husband aku nak merwar-warkan aktiviti bilik tidur.

Men. Typical.

I hate the Internet, seeing all these happy faces and happy pictures and happy wedding photos and happy honeymoon destinations and happy couple activities.

How I wish...

Anyway, lets remind ourselves there are more important things in life, and sometimes, things are not what they seem to be.

The other day, I was telling a friend that I think people who know what they want in their life is cool.

For example, a few years ago, I was introduced to a handsome guy who is an accountant. I began to take interest in him (because he was so yummy) and my friend, who is his bestfriend, told me that initially he was supposed to do Medicine. He got into the course for a few months, didn't like it, and he went straight to his father saying he wanted to study Accountancy instead.

When I was 20, I didn't know what I want and I definitely couldn't simply change course or Father would kill me!

So, I admire his courage.

Sidetrack a bit:
After three years, I met him again at my friend's BBQ party, and he was all handsome and dashing, of course. He saw me and said my name, (OMG, he remembers my name!) and my friend said he's now available, whee! But, I am already married, bummer!

Talking about all this perfect men, they aren't really perfect, you see. My friend told me that his major weakness is his temper, but he's toned down a lot.

In marriage, I think it is very important to be with someone who can tolerate you and vice versa.

I had a huge fight with my husband and we made up.
I asked my husband what did he do when we were not in talking terms. He hung out with his bestfriend.

"Dia (my husband's bestfriend) cerita dekat I yang hari tu, dia gaduh dengan isteri dia jugak. Dia marah sangat, sampai pecah cermin kereta dia..." my husband told me.

Huh?

Okay, nak gaduh-gaduh pun, tak payah lah get physical...

I wrote before how I used to have a little crush on my husband's bestfriend. But I get really turned off by his temper. Even though I never actually witnessed it, but I can imagine.

In my marriage, I am the one who has the temper. I think that is okay, because I am a woman. Marah-marah pun, tak adalah sampai berkorban harta benda mahupun nyawa...Because I am a weak creature, I don't have the strength to ruin anything. So, my temper is managable.

However, if a man gets angry, he could do so many dangerous and crazy things! Takut okay...

Eh, jauhnya I dah menyimpang cerita.

Okay, back to the topic: People who know what they want in their life and actually do something to get it, especially when they are smart, are cool!

Yeah, so I was telling this friend of mine that I have a police officer friend.

My friend has something against the police. He's been violated by the criminals for so many times that he has lost faith in the forces to actually contain the situation. Many times, he didn't even bother to report the cases because he believes that it wouldn't make a difference.

So, base on his background, my friend was not impressed that I have a friend who's working as a cop.

"Why did he become a police officer?" my friend asked.

I told him that since school, he already made it public that he wanted to become one.

"But why? They don't do anything!" my friend said, coincidentally, we were passing a group of policemen who did nothing.

I don't like it when people look down to other people, especially when they are supposed to be doing a noble job. So, I told my friend that my police friend is actually a smart guy. He was quite a good student when we were in school, a Science stream student and managed to get 6As. (SPM zaman dulu lebih berkualiti dari sekarang) He studied Forensics, instead of the boring, typical Medicine, then, he joined PDRM. I think there's a good prospect by doing that. That is a smart move, don't you think?

My friend replied, "Eh, orang pandai tak sepatutnya jadi polis lah!"

Wah, such stereotype!

So, kudos to all the people out there who do what they want without giving a damn of what people think!

You think police are stupid? You can't say that because they are smart policemen out there, you better watch out!

And I am proud of www.sweatlee.com who is actively involved in Teach for Malaysia. Someone who is extremely smart, but dedicated her life to come back to Malaysia to become a teacher.

We all have this mentality, "Ala, dia tu bukan pandai sangat pun, jadi cikgu je..."

But you see, now, there is actually a few smart teachers out there! A teacher that students can and should admire and make an example of. (Standing ovation)

Not that I don't respect teachers, but teachers during my days and teachers now are quite different, I think.
Okay, I blame my experience. I know someone from school who is a pathological liar and steals a lot of things but she is now a teacher!
I so hate her.

Likewise, doctors are not always smart too!
Because, my husband told me about his friend, who has a brother, who studied Medicine, but he got only 2As for SPM! WTF! You got money? You can send your kids to study anywhere as long as he can be a doctor!

First of all, SPM is not that difficult to score.

On the other hand, we can't always depend on a stupid certificate to be recognized of our mental capabilities.

But I support the government move to control the overflowing of unreliable doctors in Malaysia.

I had a deep conversation with my husband.

It's saddening that all the good ones left but those we come back, they actually suck.

So, I give you a pat on your back to those who come back to serve our country. I give you a pat on your back to those who are abroad and planning not to stay there forever.

No pat on your back if you plan to run away...

Malaysia, we need a smart leader.

(to be continued)

My husband is ill and he dozed off without saying goodnight or kissing me goodnight. I am so pissed off. Being sick is not an excuse to forget your wife who desires some affection.

And, he even lost my Touch N Go card worth RM88!

Gah...

Happy thoughts ahead!

1)

This happened before I got married when the whole department knew that the date was near.

Basically, I was working and minding my own business when I walked past a colleague.

Suddenly, she said, "You look so slim, I want your body!"

A comment from someone whom I barely knew because she just joined the department!

Awkward, weird but I was flattered.

2)

I always park my car at this parking lot, so everyday, I meet the same group of security guards.

One particular pak guard is someone who speaks English very well and he always greets and smiles at you.

Him: Finished working?
Me: Yeah...
Him: You know, Miss, you are a good driver.
Me: No lah...
Him: Really. I've seen you drive before. You are a good driver.
Me: Well, thank you.

I think it's the woman-doing-reverse-parking thing that leads to that compliment. I do it oh-so effortlessly everyday. Haha.

3)

A year ago, I remember one client who thinks I was pretty.

Fast-forward, our paths crossed again. Obviously, he forgot about me but I still remember him (because compliments regarding my looks are so rare that they are precious, you see, must not forget, for the sake of self-esteem).

The good thing is, he still thinks I am pretty (even though he is totally oblivious that he said that to me one year ago) and this time around, he tried to hook up with me a few times. He asked me out for a movie lah and he took note when I'd be working so he can pay me a visit.

Four days before my wedding, I lost RM4000 to the stupid cash deposit machine that swallowed my money! Sabar je lah time tu, dugaan orang nak kahwin.

I was frantic and tried calling the bank to sort out the matter. And guess who was there coincidentally? Him. Luckily he saw me that I was in no mood to be polite and he left.

I took a relatively long leave for my wedding and then, came back to work.

On one morning, I saw him.

Me: Buat apa dekat sini? Salah tempatlah...Awak patut pergi sana...
Him: Tapi I nak jumpa you.
Me: Tak boleh, tak boleh! I dah kahwin.
Him: Dah kahwin ke?
Me: Ye, I dah kahwin! (Waves my inai stained fingers to him)

And that was the last I saw him.

Even though he is not the lelaki pujaan Malaya punya type, but to have someone who fancies you memanglah is a nice feeling.

I'm using this story for my husband and tambah garam dan gula sikit-sikit so he will think his wife is still hot on the market. Haha. My husband doesn't have to know this is guy is obese and mentally retarded!

4)

A few months before my wedding, I went out with my long time friend and his brother.

Then, there was a time when my friend left the table. His brother and I began talking about relationships. Soon, I told him that I had found the perfect guy and we were getting married.

Him: Bila nak kahwin?
Me: Bulan Jun.
Him: Cepatnya! My brother tak beritahu pun!
Me: Ala, sebenarnya dah risik lama dah, tapi asyik tangguh-tangguh je...
Him: Eh, you nak kahwin dengan siapa ni?
Me: Dengan my boyfriend lah!
Him: ... (Blank look)
Me: Who works as bla bla bla and lives at bla bla bla...? (Raised eyebrows)
Him: Bukan you couple dengan my brother ke?
Me: ??? (Confused)

Since when!
It was so awkward that I became speechless, I had no idea how to respond to his assumption. Ye lah, takkan I nak flip out tak tentu pasal, this is my good friend we are talking about.

I guess, my friend's brother saw how shocked I was. He did not demand for an explanation, so we both let go of the topic.

My friend doesn't know a thing, of course.

As I am typing this, macam funny lah pulak. Haha. So, all this while, his brother thought I was his girlfriend ke...

(FYI, my friend WAS already in a relationship, until he broke up with that girl a week after my wedding. The girl dumped him but he told me he wasn't so sad, so yeay, less job for me as a friend to cheer him up!)

Okay, dah habis dah cerita.

My husband is still asleep and he doesn't even realize I am not by his side. I know him so well, tomorrow he will say that it's the effect from his medicines.

Benci lahhhhh...!!!