Sebenarnya kan, dah lebih kurang 4 kali my son sakit demam.

Hehe, we are not perfect parents lah okayyyy...

I pulak jenis yang tak worry sangat as long as he is eating well, playful and active...

Never actually brought him to see a doctor. I dapat Panadol pun because it was given when he had his shots, in case he develops fever after the vaccination.

Ada one time tu, his body was full with bintik bintik merah.

Husband: Campak ke ni?
Me: No lah...
Husband: Ni demam campak ni!
Me: Tapi dia tak demam pun...

In the afternoon, the rash became more red and banyak!

MIL: Ni campak ni!
Husband: Tapi dia tak demam pun.
MIL: Ada juga demam campak yang tak demam!
Husband: Tak nak bawa jumpa doctor ke?
Me: Okaylah, kalau esok teruk lagi, kita bawa esok...
Husband: Tak nak bawa petang ni ke?
Me: Laa...Baru satu hari...Dia pun nampak okay je...)

(Me: OMG! Kena demam campak ke? Vaksin tak jadi ke ni...Or maybe belum vaksin lagi ke?)

Then, it subsided the very next day...

False alarm betul!

Pandai-pandai je MIL ni cakap demam campak tak ada deman kan..!

Although dah banyak kali demam, I pernah bagi dia Panadol 2-3 kali je...Because at that time, I could really feel his body was hot, it got me worried. Kalau setakat suam suam tu I just sponge him je.

My son really hates the taste of Panadol. It boggles my mind because he never had anything else in his life, other than my breast milk, so, how can he reject his Panadol! Siap nangis nangis...

Sebab the amount of Panadol that he actually took was lesser than the recommended dose, terpaksalah Mommy dia ni berjaga lap badan...

Just last week, dapat cirit birit pulak.

Satu malam sampai 6 kali tukar diapers sebab asyik cirit je...

But he was his usual self, champion betul. Except that he slept more during the day, he must be really tired because I kept bringing him to the toilet. Sampai merah bontot, kesian...

My son inherits my husband's skin.

Bukan setakat warna kulit, jenis kulit pun sama...

He is still a baby, but when I compare my leg with his thigh, my leg is way fairer than his thigh. Haha. My husband said, "Nasib baik lelaki..."

Dahlah sawo matang, pastu bertompok-tompok pulak tu. Bila nyamuk gigit, the scars would last a very long time!

And I thought baby's skin has a higher turnover rate, so their scars should heal pretty fast.

Not when he has my husband's gene!

(Written last week, I so hate my Internet service provider!)

I want to write more! I have so many drafts written in my head. Sometimes, when I actually do have time to write them down, it’s either the Internet too slow (damn you, my service provider!) or someone else have published something similar, I don’t want to be accused of stealing his/ her materials (unless I am truly inspired, then I will admit).

So…

Today, I am dedicating this entry to…One of my bosses.

She is pious, physically, she is syariah compliant. But, personally, I think she is judgemental, easily influenced by cakap-cakap orang, rather than finding out the truth herself (this is another whole story).

One day, I caught her scolding her staff, and her tazkirah went on something like this

-         -  Kerja biar ikhlas (agree)

-          - Kerja biar sepenuh hati (agree)

-          - Kerja kerana Allah (agree)

But then, she said, “Kalau kereta selalu rosak, tayar pancit, sikit-sikit anak sakit, itu tanda-tanda kerja yang awak buat tu tak berkat lah tu!”

I just cannot agree 100% on this. To me, obstacles are one of many Allah’s secrets.

Tak baik tau cakap orang macam tu…

Shall I elaborate?

To make things short, obstacles don't necessarily mean God loves or hates you. You can't know. All you have to do is believe there will be hikmah behind every challenge. Always try to make the best out of it.

Sure, it could be a form of punishment, or cleansing, but that thinking is best kept to ourselves. Pandai-pandailah you reflect diri sendiri malam-malam before you go to sleep. Bukannya menjatuhkan hukuman pada orang lain.

Anyway, I think I have some pictures to share with you guys but I am so lazy to upload them. Haha! My time is gold, and my breastmilk is liquid gold!

Fret not, I will share quotes  instead!

This is taken from a friend who wrote this on Facebook:

"From Ibn Qayyim- Dogs generally do not have a high status in Islam. Even the saliva of a dog is najis. However, God allows hunting dogs and consumption of animals hunted by the hunting dogs. Obviously, when the hunting dogs catch the prey, the salova of the dogs will get stuck on the prey. How would this work then?

The difference between the hunting dog (al-mukallib) and the regurlar dog is the ilm of the dog. There are three prerequisites for the dog to be al-mukallib

- when the owner tells the dog to go, it goes

- when the owner tells the dog to stop, it stops

- it doesn't eat from the prey that it catches

The only difference between a dog and a hunting dog (al-mukallib) is the knowledge, and Allah even raises a dog in status because of its knowledge. So, what about human being?

Adapted from a tazkirah by Sh Omar Suleiman."

I always like the things he shares on Facebook. They make me ponder...

Dulu kan, masa I kecik-kecik, I selalu tak nak derma dekat anak yatim. Somehow, I was under the impression that they had enough things donated by other people in my hometown. They got treated to hotel buffets all the time, especially during Ramadhan. How shallow I was...But I was only a kid lah...

As I mature, I began to understand the pain of growing up without the love from your parents. Especially now that I have my own son. Ditambah pula dengan berita-berita masa kini. Or worse, kids who have parents, but they don't care about their own children.

Kesian sangat dengar cerita pasal kanak kanak ni tau.

Like this 3 year-old orphan girl, who had flu. But you know lah, budak kecik, merengek-rengek...But, she doesn't have her parents to merengek to...

Now I know why Allah gives special emphasis to orphans. And InsyaAllah, I will be much nicer, kinder, and have more mercy to these children. I will never know how difficult it is for these to grow up without parents...

I understand why doctors hate MC seekers so much. I would have hated my colleagues who keep giving fake excuses for not coming to work too. We all should be grateful that God blesses us with the ability to work and the opportunity to be employed. Clearly, these people haven’t seen others who have to work well below his/ her qualifications, or worse, unable to secure a job at all. And what about those who desperately need to work to support his/ her family but is truly ill that he/ she just can’t find work…So, those who like to request unnecessary MCs from doctors, just think, what if one day God really makes you fall sick?

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I am so surprised on how well I handle stress. Remember my spoilt breast milk story? Sure, I was sad and depressed, but it only lasted for one day. I didn’t give it much thought the next day. I continued pumping and all praise to the Almighty God, my supply is good again, although, not to the point of replacing all the spoilt milk stocks. How cool is that! And how proud I am with myself…

My baby will turn 6 months old in February, so I guess I will achieve my first target to exclusively breastfeed my baby for 6 months. My next target is to exclusively breastfeed him until he is 9 months old.

Actually, I bought a bottle of fenugreek pills but I wasn’t confident with the bovine gelatine used for its capsules. So, I went to Tesco and bought the dried fenugreek seeds, washed and dried the product and keep it in an airtight container. Tutup hidung setiap kali buka Tupperware, take a few seeds and telan. Suka hati je my dosage tu…Hehe…Whatever it takes to make this work lahh…

Oh, and my high school friends, a husband and wife, now, also my neighbour, kindly will lend me their deep freezer! I offered to pay rent, but they say, “Tak payahlah!” Yahoo! (Now that I’ve learnt my lessons, I also keep a pile of stocks in my workplace refrigerator. Haha. I don’t care, I just need a back up!)

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Hhmm…Now, it is confirmed confirmed confirmed ASB is haram. This really creates problems lah…Why lah ASB is so stupid mixing our investments with haram income! If it only involves my money, okaylah, I can simply withdraw…But what about my late Father’s money? In his will, the ASB money is solely to be used for his grandchildren education.

Can I simply assume that it is only recently haram, since the fatwa baru je keluar? See…So complicated, right…!

Arrghhh!

Lately, I've been thinking about how lucky I am and how I live a rather comfortable life. I am relatively problem-free compared to other people I met, at work especially, or people I read about.

Somehow, it bothers me a little bit because I was taught that the more you are tested, the stronger you are, the closer you'd become (hopefully) to God.

Well, oh well, be careful of what you wish for. Today, I am being tested big time.

I came home to see the freezer door was not properly closed, with about a hundred packets of 4 oz of breast milk in each packet (stocks which took months to build), all melted.

Auto-tears activated.

What am I to do?

Called my husband, gave him a short description and succumbed to my depression.

Went to sleep, hoping to wake up from a nightmare.

My husband thought we could salvage them by refreezing.

Men- how simple their mind is.

I wouldn't have bawled my eyes out if it was that easy!

Sigh. Only a person who had gone through the same experience could possibly understand how I am feeling right now.

My baby is taking at least 12 oz during the day. Nowadays, I make no more than 12 oz per day.

I guess, there's nothing else to do except to go back to having sleepless, interrupted nights, just to pump out more milk. Please, God, please let the milk flow...

They are still in the freezer, I don't have the heart to throw them away yet. Perhaps it's better to ask my husband to do it.

Oh, my precious liquid gold.

Sabarlah wahai hati...

I don't know how other people can make time for all the social media that are available now. I only have Facebook and Blogger. I tried logging on Instagram and ended up spending unnecessary hours browsing through the photos. Just one time, then I decided, no, retreat before I'll get further sucked into the cyber world.

There are people on my friends list who still don't that I've given birth. It's not that I hide the fact on purpose, I just don't feel that I need to announce it on Facebook.

Also, it's been a long time since I last post photos or status on Facebook. Adalah orang tag sana sini. But, that's it. I still love taking pictures though.

But, it doesn't bother me at all. I am not like myself 5 years ago.

I'm sure there will be people questioning why I keep my profile picture showing off my hair. To me, I am more comfortable to embrace myself wearing the tudung in discrete. 

I remember the first time I showed up to work wearing tudung. I prayed that nobody would make a huge deal out of it. I hoped there would be no congratulations, I wished to get by unnoticed. I was still me with an extra clothing on my head.

Anyway, I am just drifting, I was not planning to write on this actually.

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My son and I have traveled on many plane rides, he could have been a seasoned traveler by the time he turns one. Haha.

Initially, I was uncomfortable bringing an infant on flight, since I don't think the trapped air circulating in the aeroplanes could be good for babies. Tapi, takkanlah nak tinggal baby pulak kan...Nasib baik lah he is not a pre-term baby, so okaylah, forgivable, I succumbed...

Did I tell you he loves riding on any transportation. Tidur comfortably je...It must be the swinging motion, or the fact that he can sleep in my arms.

You should see his passport picture. Kelakar je. He was the youngest applicant when we were at the Immigration Office. At that time, he was still too young to lift up his head. So, we laid him down on a white board. He was smiling but wouldn't stop moving. So, the photographer, my husband and I, tried to make him focus to the camera. We tried so many times, just to get his both ears visible (one of the criteria for a passport photo), which attracted many spectators and a few immigration officers. We got the photo, but a non-smiling one. Ceh!

We had a nice, short getaway 4 hours away (by plane) from Malaysia. The day that we were to return to Malaysia, we were duped by a cab driver and I had the worst airport experience in my entire life. I shouted at the immigration officer and the airport security officer. I was carrying a baby and they did nothing to make the procedure faster or at least easier. They kept asking me for my boarding pass when I already showed them ours. Once they saw that the paper was a little bit different from the normal boarding pass, they said, "No, no, no, boarding pass, white colour," without even trying to look at what had been handed to them.

"This is my boarding pass! The system was down so they gave me a manual one! Can't you read this? Board-ing Pass!" You think I'm stupid? Now, let's see who's the dumb one!

Lepas tu dahlah tak apologize, tau pulak malu sendiri.

It was horrible, I don't think I will ever return to that country. Pergi pun sebab sponsored and ada hal sikit.

P/s: We got to use the foot muff that came with the stroller, yeay, puas hati!

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Speaking of plane rides, anybody knows whether the loud noise would have any effect on babies?

I've been told to cover his ears, but my baby usually sleeps in his stroller and is not woken up by the noise, so I ignored the advice at first. My baby looks comfortable, I taknaklah kejut dia semata-mata nak tutup telinga...Kecualilah dia tengah menangis kan...

But a few strangers (usually makcik and pakcik) had came up to us telling us to cover his ears. So, that me second-guess my decision.

Should I buy ear plugs? Do they come in baby size? Do babies need it? It's not like they would hear the loud aeroplane engines for a very long time, right?

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It is so much easier to take care of my son now. Baru nak masuk 4 bulan setengah, but we can already see his characters and now he manages to express his wants, it's a joy to attend to him. Cuma kadang-kadang tu demanding sangat!

He started to giggle before he turned 4 months, but I had no witnesses with me. On the day he turned 4 months old, he giggled to my husband tease.

At Ikea, we distracted him with a toy. Seeing the line at the cashier was too long (anybody went there around Christmas time? Way too many people! Pening kepala!), it was not worth the queue just to pay for three things. Mengamuklah anak I tu!

Pandai minta angkat. And pandai pretend cry, oh my Goddd...I discovered this when he straightened his arms and legs (Mommy, please pick me up!) but I ignored his request. Ek ek ek, he grunted, which led to him wimpering and crying, "Waarrgghhh!!!" Kesian punya pasal, I pun angkatlah. Immediately, he giggled. I was surprised, I pun tergelak sekali. Sabar je lah dengan budak ni! Rupa-rupanya pandai berlakon. Pretend cry je!!!

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There goes my lunch hour. Will write again soon...Probably on more serious stuff. Haha.