1)
My husband is sick all the time! Resdunglah, demamlah, selsemalah, sakit belakanglah, peninglah, migraine lah...Seriously, I feel like strangling him sometimes, because I am the healthiest person I know! I don't fall sick easily, I can even drink the rain water and nothing will happen to me.

I always tell him that his genes are bad. I seriously hope my children won't be inheritting his health issues.

Me: I harap anak I tak macam you. Sikit-sikit nak sakit. Eee, tak sanggup I nak jaga. Mengada-ngada betul. Macam mana mak you tahan eh?
Him: Mak I pun terkejut I ni masih hidup. Nasib baik tak mati.
Me: What the hell! Your mother really said that to you?
Him: Ha'ah. Mak I kata it's a miracle. I asyik sakit je...

Oh-kay...

2)
Me: Malasnya nak kerja!
Him: Tak boleh malas-malas. Kena kerja jugak.
Me: Kenapa tak boleh malas pulak! Suka hati I lah nak malas.
Him: Sebab...Nanti rezeki susah nak masuk. Tuhan akan beri rezeki kepada orang yang rajin berusaha.

3)
Some people are so inconsiderate and make other people's lives miserable. Like my boss, who wanted me to transfer to another place and gave me only a 5-day notice.

I tried to reason with him, but he said my excuses were unacceptable.

(My car is in the workshop, I don't have a place to stay, and I haven't completed the papers required yet)

My husband, on the other hand, wants me to comply, in order to avoid unnecessary consequences in the future.

Him: Apa yang susah sangat. You ikut je.
Me: No! Benda ini tak adil!
Him: Dunia ni memang tak adil, sayang.
Me: This is not about me following orders. This is about my boss being stupid. He thinks just because he's in that position, he can play me around like a puppet. Habis tu, I kena turut je cakap dia walaupun it's ridiculous? Kenapa kita mesti biarkan orang-orang macam ni!
Him: Sayang, kadang-kadang, dalam dunia ni, kita tak boleh selalunya menang. Ada masa, kita kena kalah juga. Think about the future and what he can do to you.
Me: I bukannya nak menang. Tapi benda ni salah!
Him: I know. Tapi kita tak ada kuasa.

Sigh.

I am so upset because this thing has caused a huge stress on me.

I redha je. Kalau lepas ni, dia nak mark I, then do nasty things to me, well, I hope he dies soon.

Perjalanan hidup kita ni dah ditentukan.
But we can still pray.
And Allah always answer a prayer:
- Yes
- Not now
- I have better things for you

One day, my boss will taste his own medicine. Barulah dia tahu apa perasaan orang-orang yang dianiaya.

Amin.

4)
Friend: Sekarang ni ramai orang pakai colour-colour macam ni kan.
Me: It's called 'Colour blocking'.
Friend: 'Colour blocking'? Apa benda yang dia nak block?
Me: Hahaha...'Blocking' as in one block, two blocks...Bukannya blocking from something lah!

5)
Jikalau...If I earn RM3000 per month, how am I supposed to spend my money monthly?

Katakanlah...

Car- 500
House- 1000
Tabung Haji- 100
ASB- 100
Banking- 100
Parents- 300
Phone- 50
Electricity, water, petrol- 200
Everyday expenditure- 650

Wow, dapat simpan dalam bank RM100 je per month! That's like, less than 10% of the salary la weih!
But actually, not bad. People can still survive!
In theory memang cukup, tapi practically kenapa tak cukup pulak eh?

And what about those who has children to feed? OMG!

6)
I was having lunch at a restaurant. There, I was introduced to an Ustadz, I think he's from Kedah, and I like the way he gives his speech.

So effortless and interesting. My friend said, sometimes, he sings too!

The preach I was listening to was: Something about how we should enjoy our life and not to love this temporary world too much.

Dia cakap kena nikmati hidup, barulah kita rasa kita ni kaya.

Which, I think, is true.

"Kalau tak ada anak, kena enjoy tak ada anak. Ingat ada anak tu senang ke? Nanti anak lelaki ikut perempuan. Pening kepala mak bapak. Zaman sekarang ni, anak perempuan pun ikut perempuan! Tak payah nak jealous, tak payah nak risau, kenapa aku tak ada. Apa yang Tuhan kurniakan tu, adalah satu nikmat, dan enjoylah nikmat yang Tuhan bagi tu selagi boleh."

"Korang kata tak suka datang masjid, sebab kasut selalu hilang. Sayang sangat dekat kasut tu buat apa? Tak payah beli kasut. Datang masjid berkaki ayam. Nescaya tak ada kasut yang hilang. Kalau sayang sangat kasut, siap beli beg, beli mangga, beli macam-macam nak jaga kasut tu. Tak ke membazir? Kasut tu sekejap je. Tak boleh bawa pergi mati pun..."

"Kalau motor hilang, jangan sedih sangat. Sebab itu tandanya kita nak dapat pengganti yang lebih bagus dari yang hilang tu. Kalau motor kita tu buruk, tapi kita sayang sangat nak jual. Bila dah hilang, kita ada alasan nak beli yang baru. Kan nikmat tu! Dapat motor baru, enjin bagus. Allah gantikan dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik."

I don't know what's his name though.

7)
I realized that different states produce different marriage certificate.

Terengganu, for example, prints the husband and wife photos on the cert.

Mine, no photos, but a valuable detail was included, which I very much cherish

Perkahwinan: Pertama
Isteri: Pertama

Me: Abang! Tengok ni, dia ada tulis, "Perkahwinan pertama, Isteri pertama." Nasib baik! Kalau I tengok I ni bukan pertama, siaplah you!
Him: Tak percaya ke abang belum pernah kahwin sebelum ni?
Me: Mana tau, you tipu I ke...Patutlah orang Pantai Timur banyak kahwin banyak eh...Dekat sijil diorang takde tulis pun benda-benda macam ni...

8)
On first of Syawal, my husband refused to have sex with me.

Penat-penat puasa lama-lama, tiba-tiba he said no. Dengan alasan,

"Abang ada terbaca dalam satu buku ni, kalau anak tu terjadi masa hari pertama Syawal, tak bagus..."

Buku mana pulak dia baca ni!

Is there really such thing?

9)
Last but not least.

My cousin is getting married to a Muallaf.

She's so lucky because her Tok Kadi is so damn cool!

"Tak apa. Awak nikah dulu. Yang surat-surat, kursus kahwin tu semua buat nanti."

Oh, my God, I love you, Tok Kadi. I wish I had you during my nikah ceremony! Bless you forever!