The sparks I thought the surgeon and I had, were shortlived.

Nampak sangat I didn't really fall for him.

"Come. Lets have a Q&A. I am not happy, your work is slacking."

I got so offended by his statement despite just the day before,

Me: Why do you like to imitate me?
Surgeon: Because I think you are cute.
Me: Am I? Awww...I am cute!
Surgeon: You are cute. You are cute like a kanak-kanak.

I hate him now.

Cute + Slacking = I am officially a bimbo, thank you.

I was surprised when my boss asked my colleague, Johny,

Boss: You ni...Ectopy dah bertunang pun, masih nak kacau lagi...
Johny: Mana ada saya kacau...Saya jaga dia...
Me: I am not engaged yet! Who says I am engaged!
Boss: Masih tak mengaku dah bertunang...
Me: No, really. I am not engaged! I am booked, but not engaged yet.
Johny: It's the same!
Me: It's not the same. I should be given another ring if I am engaged. Mana boleh senang-senang nak bertunang kalau takde cincin!

The point here is: If boss knows I am engaged/ committed, surgeon would have known too because they are good friends, and guys talk!

This explains surgeon's cold beaviours.

This is all Johny's big mouth's fault!

Talk about my boss, the other day, he innocently and loudly ask Johny and I a question,

"So, how was Team A?"

I didn't get it until Johny looked him in the eyes, "It's The A-Team, boss, The A-Team, not Team A."

LOL!

kenapa possesive?

It took me long, after years of living, to realize that I probably am possessive over my friends.

Do you remember my latest acquired male best friend, lets name him Kasim this time around?

Without actually realizing it, it has been almost a year since the first day I met him. Sometimes, we still joke how came to my house for Hari Raya, and got a shock when he found out my 'brother' was actually my boyfriend.

Well, we are becoming closer and closer, and somehow, he is also well-accepted by my little group of friends (I think by now, he has known each and every one of them with bits of their history which I provide from time to time to facilitate him to know who's who).

Little did I know that I would be bothered when his bond with my friend, Rokiah, blossomed.

I know I sound childish, I keep brushing off the uneasy feeling, but I couldn't help but feel- disapproving their relationship.

Which then led to the questions:
1) Am I in love with him?
2) Is this what we call jealousy?
3) Why the hell would I be jealous?!

I remember when a close friend of mine asked me, "If you haven't met your boyfriend, would you go for him?"
My answer was, "No. Because he is just a friend. Like a fun brother. He reminds me of Rashid."
Rashid is my other close, long-time male friend who lives far, far away that I seldom get to see him, but when we do, we do lots of fun things together and we would talk and talk non-stop. For the matter of fact, I am due to see him in a month or two, and we can't wait to have our yearly vacation! (Oh, he is so not gay, in case you are wondering)

Because of this mix feeling I am having, I had to talk about it to someone. So, I chose someone outside from the group, Lizzie. Lizzie, Kasim and I do spend a lot of time together. All the three of us have known each other at about the same time and then, we hit it off nicely (although not, initially-- long story).

Me: Do you think I am childish?
Lizzie: Are they going out?
Me: No. But I don't know why I am feeling like this! Because Kasim is my friend first. Why can't Rokiah find her own friend? And Rokiah should consult to me, if anything, not to Kasim! And how come they are going out together when I am working? I know Rokiah. She never visits me. But when suddenly Kasim suggested to bring her to see me, she jumped into the opportunity, even though she is working tomorrow! It's nice for them to visit me, she said she came by because she missed me, but I think, Rokiah did that just so she could spend more time with Kasim! Am I bad for thinking this way? I shouldn't think like this. Both of them are my good friends! And it is so nice of them to visit me and bring me food. Why do I feel like this? I don't like this feeling. It's not that I like Kasim, I mean, I have my own boyfriend, but they just can't!

Lizzie listened attentively. I thought she would have laughed, but she didn't.

Lizzie: I understand. I used to feel like this as well. And you know what I did, I am now not close to neither one of them.
Me: Oh. But I don't want to lose any of them. Am I a bad friend? I don't know why I feel like this, all I know is, I don't like them to be too close! I want Rokiah to find her own friends, and I want Kasim to find a girlfriend on his own.

I got so moody that day.

Over time, I found out that they have been regularly texting each other. As usual, I tried to ignore the feeling. But why? I introduced Rokiah to Rashid too, but Rokiah hasn't been texting him much. And why is it always me who brings new people into our group. Why can't she contibute and stick to her friends instead?

I mean, I don't mind my friends being friends with my other friends, but I should always be the priority. I should always be the closest friend, the first one to be updated if anything, because I know them first! They couldn't and shouldn't skip my role as the person who brought everybody together!

Kasim: Rokiah ajak keluar.

(Aha! Caught again! Why is Rokiah asking us out, by texting him, but not me!)

Me: Bila?
Kasim: Bila-bila lah yang kita free.

(Silence)

(Trying to ignore the feeling)

(Can't help myself but exploded)

Me: Do you like her?!
Kasim: What! Nooo...Why? Did she ask you to ask me this?!
Me: Nooo...Saja tanya...
Kasim: Why? What made you ask that question?
Me: Takdelah...Saje tanya...
Kasim: Do I look like I'm showing interest in her?
Me: Yes...
Kasim: Nooo...

His answers calmed me down a bit. I felt relieved, but only for a while, because- he could be hiding his true feelings.

Ahhh...Friends.

Nearing my big three-O and I still have friend issues.
(Sigh)

None of my readers corrected me! (You guys are not really football fans too, huh?)

Continuation from my last post:

The next day, I told my boyfriend, and he was like, "But Italy did not win!" It was a draw match!

Oh, my God. Now I am so ashamed because he paid for the food even though the bet was- If Italy won.

Why did the surgeon played along with me?

So, anyway, if time is permissible, I will treat him lunch tomorrow. Because I don't want to owe him anything.





At work, my staffs were talking bad about their boss, who is my colleague.
According to them, she is bossy and likes to order them around (ironic, how can a boss be not bossy?), they even give her a nickname.

I just smiled. Fariz, another colleague of mine came to our desk, and he overheard the conversation. Being the typical nice guy, he didn't want to take side, like me, however, he was vocally implying it.

"Saya tak kisah dengan dia sebab walaupun dia agak mengarah, tapi dia buat kerja dia..." he said.

I said, "Oh, korang ni, bila dia takde, mulalah nak sebut-sebut nama dia. Rindu ke?"

One of the staffs responded, "Tak rindu langsung! Tapi kan, kalau kita suka dekat seseorang, kita akan puji-puji dia. Kitorang tak kesah, nak kutuk depan-depan, nak puji pun depan-depan."

My boss, who was around, interrupted, "Tapi patutnya, kalau nak puji kena belakang-belakang, sebab setiap pujian itu adalah satu langkah ke neraka. Nak kutuk tak boleh belakang-belakang. Sebab nanti jadi mengumpat."

Not many people know that. That's why, I don't mind if I don't receive compliments.

Then, I attended a client with Fariz. The client was an elderly lady who didn't converse well in our national language, so her husband did most of the talking. I felt it was better if Fariz and the husband talked while I listened and jotted down notes.

As usual, sometimes during an interview, there would be silence as Fariz and I need some moments to think over the information that has been extracted from them.

This uncle, upon seeing me quiet, asked Fariz, although I was at present at that time, my racial root and commented, "Banyak cantik."

Damn it, mesti aku nampak macam bimbo lagi. All the, 'Don't just sit there and look pretty' comments haunted me back.

20 minutes later, I was back to my desk, my staff sat next to me, "Boss, boss ni cantik tau sebenarnya. Pakailah mekap...Nanti saya bawa pergi saloon, nak?"

Nooo...! Not the rebonding advice again!

"Ala, nak buat macam mana. Kerja busy. Tak sempatlah...Tidur pun tak cukup..." I smiled politely.

"Nanti clients pengsan tengok boss," they laughed.

"Ala, diorang banyak perempuan. Bukannya nak mengorat diorang pun..."

"Takpe, takpe, nanti saya bagi lipstick dekat boss."

"Yeay! Bestnye nanti dapat hadiah...Thank you!" I didn't mean to be sarcastic. I do enjoy free gifts, because the best things in life are free.

Seriously.

I have decided that: I don't care whether Malaysian women think that I can be prettier. As long as 70 year-old uncles with visual impairment can appreciate my beauty, I am happy.

Oh, and thanks uncle for bringing me one step closer to hell.





My friend is going out with a divorcee with two children. I don't mind. To me, as long as he is single and available, it is okay, I don't care about his status. Over the years, I have taught myself that some things in this world are not perfect and I am not here to be judgmental.

The eldest child is 6 years old. I don't know how long ago since he uttered the word, "I divorce you," but, what I know is, it has been 2 years, at least.

Anyway, my friend, Fariz and I were talking about it in the car.

I, obviously defended the couple. Jodoh sudah tak lama, nak buat macam mana.

"But a divorce, after, not one, but two children is a big deal!" he said.

Basically, to him, to divorce the wife, the women you once loved, is not an easy thing to do, there must be a really, really good reason that triumph the fact that she is the mother of your childREN.

Yes, people stay in marriages, sometimes, even though they are not in love anymore, because they love their children so much, they want to provide a stable environment for them. It's for the kids.

"Tapi besar sangat ke silapnya sampai nak bercerai?" he questioned.

According to my friend, it is okay to divorce earlier on in the marriage because the things that you have shared together is minimal. Without kids, it's easier to consider whether to separate or not.

Well, yeah, he got his points across, and now, I am slightly agreeing with him.
Intrigued, even, what is exactly the really, really good reason, to get a divorce, even after years of marriage and two children?

Is the reason truly justified?

"Italy vs Paraguay. Which team do you think will win tonight?"

"Italy!" I said.

He, not my boyfriend, asked me why. I don't know much about football, so, I said, "Because they are more good-looking. They are taller, nice bodies and all..." This is speaking from experience, in real life, even the normal citizens in Italy are to be drooled over.

"But football is not about who is taller or not. It is about how you play the game," he obviously know by now, I don't know shit about football.

"Uh-huh...But I still think Italy would win."

So, he made a bet with me. He was on Paraguay's side. "Do you know why? Because Italy is giving Paraguay half point if they draw."

Yeah, I don't even bother to know what that means.

The next day, I found out very early in the morning, that Italy won.

When we sat down together for work, he started to tell me how he overslept, when I suddenly interrupted him, "Italy won!" with a big smile plastering on my face, together with a victory sign.

"How do you know? Did you Google for the result?"

Yes, as a girl who doesn't know much about football, how can I know the result of the match so quickly?

"I have contacts, you know..." was my answer.

Later on, he left.

At 1pm, he picked me up for lunch. I invited my friend to join us, but my friend refused.

I chose the most expensive food on the menu, not because I was ripping him off, I just wanted to try the lamb shank. Besides, I was hungry, so I felt like having a big meal.

During lunch, I don't know whether it's just me, or, he was really, really flirting with me.

First, he winked at me.

Then, upon seeing me having difficulties cutting up my meat, he volunteered, "Do you want a surgeon to cut the meat for you?"

He is a surgeon. I didn't know he was, until he broke the news to me during the lunch.

And he did other things that flattered me!
It was nice. I mean, the things that he did for me. I wouldn't deny I was happy.

I don't know whether he did flirt, or I seorang je yang perasan lebih.

Lastly, he bought me two slices of cake, before dropping me off at my workplace.

At work, I jokingly told my friend that I had a date and told him the things that we did. "Tolonglah, nak termuntah okay!" he said.
"Come on, this is my side of story, which I exaggerated. It was not a date. It was completely professional. I je yang perasan. Besides, sangat coincident Italy menang..." I said.

"That was the trick he used on you to ask you out! Of course lah Italy yang menang!"

Hmm...

I quickly used my contacts. I found out the surgeon is going with with a pharmacist. Okay, so it was only me who overintepret the things that he did all along! Haha. Malu saya.

When I reached home, I called my boyfriend.
I wanted to tell him but he was on his way for his daily dose of football.

I told him not to go.

He promised me he would play for only 20 minutes.

I slept and woke up at 4am. Nobody woke me up for dinner. I don't remember whether my boyfriend did call or not. I think he didn't and assumed that I collapsed after a tiring day at work.
He is always like that. He lets me sleep when he knows I am tired.

So, I still haven't told him about my lunch.

It's 5am now and I am still writing.

I couldn't help but feel happy about my lunch date!

Actually, I am just happy that, finally, there's someone who would flirt with me!
(Wait, he was not flirting with me! I just THINK that he was)
Haha!