8 lagi

9) Saya tak suka orang yang beritahu kepada remaja bahawa SPM itu tidak penting. Tahukah anda, ini akan membuatkan mereka memperlekehkan ujian itu?

Pada pendapat saya, SPM itu sangat penting. Walaupun keputusan SPM dapat diabaikan, tetapi SPM itu menyediakan kita untuk menjadi dewasa dan menghadapi zaman universiti. Sewaktu SPM, kita belajar bahawa kadang-kadang, walaupun kita belajar bersungguh-sungguh, kita masih boleh breakdown, things could still not go our way, it's called life.

SPM mengajar kita erti ketakutan menghadapi masa depan. SPM mengajar kita erti you have to face the consequences if you didn't try hard enough.

How could you tell these children SPM is not important? They don't need to know about that fact until after they sit for the exam! I will never tell my children not to study for their SPM, you moron. (Harap-harap, tidak ada orang merasa pedas dengan random fact nombor 9)

Apabila mereka bersedih dengan keputusan tidak seberapa, sewaktu itu barulah diberi kebenaran untuk memberitahu mereka, "Dear, this is not the end. Don't let this SPM results stop you from achieving your dreams."

Ramai juga anak-anak yang belajar bersungguh-sungguh untuk SPM, have you ever thought how these children feel when you tell them their results meant nothing?

Tolong jangan beri ajaran yang bukan-bukan padahal anda baru je fikir anda telah cukup pengalaman hidup.

10) Orang rasa saya kuat, tapi kadang-kadang, saya sebenarnya lemah. Orang rasa saya bijak, tapi sebenarnya saya tidak sebijak yang mereka sangka. Orang selalu fikir saya seorang yang cantik dengan nama, suara dan gaya percakapan saya sebelum bersemuka dengan saya.

Saya lebih suka jika orang underestimate saya rather than I underdeliver from what is expected.

Ini merupakan salah satu keburukan bersikap yakin diri sehingga orang lain think overly about you.

Saya lebih suka jika saya tidak tahu tentang apa yang orang yang fikir tentang saya. Ignorance is bliss. Sekarang, sejak saya mendapat tahu tentang hal-hal yang disebutkan tadi, saya menjadi lebih conscious dan ini menjadikan saya kurang confident.

11) Teman lelaki saya cakap dia jatuh cinta pandang pertama terhadap saya. Saya tidak percaya. Saya percaya dia jatuh suka pandang pertama, tapi jatuh cinta selepas beberapa bulan mengenali saya. Dia menangkis kenyataan saya dan re-phrase what he said, dia jatuh suka pandang pertama terhadap saya, jatuh cinta 30 minit selepas itu dan made a resolution to himself that he will make me his wife two weeks after that.

(Kami go steady about two months after we know each other's name tapi saya masih belum dijadikan isteri walaupun dah bertahun kami bersama.)

Saya masih tak percaya dengan love at first sight. Ada orang boleh jatuh cinta sedangkan dia belum kenal saya sepenuhnya waktu itu? Macam tak mungkin...

12) Saya tak faham bagaimana sesetengah orang dewasa sangat suka membaca buku-buku chick-lit terutama buku Shopaholic or whatever it is called. Movie chick-flick, okay lagi...Tapi buku chick-lit...Sungguh allergic.

Saya pernah cuba sekali, saya sungguh tidak suka dan marah kerana saya telah menghabiskan masa saya dengan buku picisan tersebut. Terlalu marah kerana such an insult to my brain...

13) Apakah yang benar-benar saya mahukan? Contentment, happiness.
Apakah yang dapat membuat saya content dan happy? Tidak tahu.

Tapi jika saya diberikan pilihan dan peluang untuk menjadi apa saja yang saya mahukan, apakah yang akan saya pilih?

Saya memilih untuk meninggalkan bidang saya dan mengasaskan sebuah charity shop.

Sesiapa saja boleh menderma barang di kedai saya dan barang-barang itu akan dijual dengan harga thrifty dan semua keuntungan akan didermakan.

Kenapa? Sebab some people have too much good stuff tapi akhirnya barang-barang itu akan dibuang.

14) Saya juga bercita-cita untuk mengasaskan sebuah pusat recycling yang proaktif. Ini bermakna, saya mahu berkempen, make a difference, menyediakan lori-lori untuk kemudahan orang ramai supaya mereka turut serta untuk recycle barang-barang harian for a cleaner, better Earth.

Saya sangat sayangkan bumi kita.

Bila agaknya saya akan mendapat keberanian ini?

15) Saya selalu tertanya-tanya bagaimanakah perempuan perempuan zaman dahulukala menghadapi haid? Pakai apa? Guna apa? Bagaimanakah perempuan perempuan yang tinggal di negera sejuk menyucikan diri apabila datang bulan? Tidak sejukkah? Air panas hanya available untuk orang-orang kaya, bagaimana pula perempuan perempuan miskin?

Saya sedang period.

16) Saya suka makanan berkuah.

8 dulu, 8 nanti

Lagi tag. Kadang-kadang rasa macam leceh pula tag ni.

Tag ini bertajuk 16 Perkara Rawak:

Syarat dan peraturan:
Apabila telah terpilih dengan malangnya, silalah menulis 16 perkara paling rawak sama ada tentang fakta, perangai tak senonoh ataupun hala tuju hidup anda.
Silalah hasut 16 orang lain untuk melakukan perkara ini.
Sila tanda manusia yang telah menanda anda di peringkat awal.
Ketahuilah, jika anda terpilih ia adalah kerana anda juga manusia biasa yang perlukan perhatian dan kasih sayang yang secukupnya ketika bayi.

Di tag oleh tidak lain dan tidak bukan: crookedlittlemind.blogspot.com

1) Sedar atau tidak, dalam filem Twilight, walau bandar yang kecil dipenghuni oleh lebih kurang 2000 orang, namun tetap ada orang berbangsa Cina. Bukan seorang, tapi lebih dari itu! Ini mengukuhkan lagi teori orang Cina berada di mana-mana, even fictionally.

2) Saya seorang yang agak tertib dengan penggunaan tatabahasa yang melibatkan perkataan 'Ia'. Secara rasminya, berdasarkan cikgu Bahasa Melayu silibus PMR dahulu, 'Ia' hanya digunakan untuk kata ganti nama bagi orang, bukan benda atau/dan haiwan. Jadi, perkataan 'Ia' dalam ayat di atas, "Ketahuilah, jika anda terpilih ia adalah kerana ........" adalah salah sama sekali. Salah satu contoh ayat yang betul ialah "Ketahuilah, jika anda terpilih, itu adalah kerana...." Perkataan 'itu' boleh juga digantikan dengan perkataan 'ini'.

3) Sudah beberapa kali saya gagal on paper. Saya kenal seseorang yang sepanjang hidupnya sehingga A-Level, beliau sentiasa mendapat straight As (beliau mengambil 4 killer subjects untuk A-Level), he did not even fail his ujian lesen memandu dan menunggang motosikal! Hakikatnya, agak ramai orang yang saya kenal yang tidak pernah mendapat B sebelum peringkat A-Level, tapi dalam kes sekarang, seseorang itu sangat rapat dengan saya dan saya kagum dengan beliau sebab (a) beliau lelaki, (b) tidak nerd malah agak good looking, (c) Melayu dan bukan a direct mix breed, (d) subjek yang diambil bukan subjek easy peasy, (e) tidak pernah ke kelas tuisyen

Selepas masuk universiti, beliau tidak pernah sekalipun gagal dan tetap top scorer dan kadang-kadang saya agak jealous with respect dengan kejayaan beliau (sampai sekarang, tapi kadang-kadang saja).
Bagi menenangkan perasaan sendiri, saya fikir, "Tidak ada orang di dunia ini yang tidak pernah gagal." Lalu saya pun fikir, bidang apakah yang bakal beliau gagal? Bagaimanakah beliau akan menghadapi kegagalan itu sebab beliau tidak pernah gagal sebelum ini?
Mungkin, gagal on paper lebih baik daripada gagal dalam perkahwinan, kan?

4) Ya, saya seorang kawan yang kurang baik. Ada patut saya fikir bila tiba masanya untuk kawan gagal! Seolah menunggu saja. Tapi deep down, saya sayangkan beliau sebab beliau seorang lelaki yang baik dan fun to be with. Kalau dia gagal pun, I will always be there for him.

5) Saya mempunyai pergelangan tangan yang kecil sebab rangka saya kecil. Walaupun kamu lebih ringan dari saya, tapi jika dibandingkan pergelangan tangan kita, saya punya tentu lebih kecil (selepas ditarik-tarik daging di sekitar pergelangan tangan untuk melihat saiz tulang pergelangan tangan).

Nak lawan?

Juga, ini punca kenapa saya kelihatan lebih tembam dari BMI sebenar. Jika anda letak saya di sebelah orang yang mempunyai ketinggian dan berat yang sama dengan saya, saya akan tetap nampak lebih tembam dari orang itu sebab rangka saya kecil.
(Jangan keliru dengan orang yang nampak besar berbanding BMI sebenar mereka sebab mereka berangka besar. Kata kunci di sini adalah 'tembam' dan 'besar', dua perkataan yang mempunyai maksud yang berbeza)

6) Tapi malangnya, saya agak buncit. Perlu buat sit-up. Tapi sit-up itu meletihkan dan belum tentu saya akan membuat sit-up secara tertib dan efektif sebab sit-up memerlukan teknik yang benar-benar betul untuk mendapatkan keputusan yang terbaik! Saya tidak mahu merisikokan tulang belakang saya!
Jadi, saya tidak buat sit-up dan terus buncit.

Mother cakap saya buncit sebab suka minum air in between apabila sedang makan dan saya suka minum air sejuk pada waktu pagi lalu mengembangkan perut saya.
Saya argue cakap, "Orang putih tu minum juice oren sejuk setiap pagi, elok je..."

7) Saya memang degil dengar nasihat orang. Saya degil dalam banyak hal. Akibatnya, tengok, saya buncit. Bagi melegakan perasaan sendiri, saya rasa kebuncitan saya merupakan ala-ala 'muffin top' (sila google image jika tidak faham) yang sebenarnya sangat comel pada pandangan sesetengah lelaki, asalkan jangan terlalu melimpah.

Hakikatnya, 'muffin top' bukan lemak berlebihan di perut bahagian depan sahaja! Itu 'buncit' namanya...

8) Saya masih mengalami masalah jerawat walaupun telah dewasa tapi menariknya, it doesn't bother me that much.
Saya sungguh pelik sewaktu usia saya 17 tahun, seorang rakan saya telah mandapatkan rawatan doktor untuk masalah kulitnya. Saya tanya, "What's wrong with your skin?" Jawapan kawan saya, "You tak nampakke jerawat I dekat dahi and pipi ni? Banyak! My mom pun risau sungguh!"
Saya pun mengecilkan mata saya dan tenung betul-betul bintik-bintik pada muka beliau yang sebenarnya sungguh microscopic size!
Kalau kulit mukanya dikategorikan sebagai masalah jerawat yang serius sehingga perlukan preskripsi dari doktor, habis tu, kulit muka saya ni kategori apa pula! Kategori kawah dekat bulan?

Saya juga agak berasa agak bertuah sebab I don't depend on my looks that much. Walaupun berjerawat, saya tetap bersosial gembira.
Sewaktu umur saya 19 tahun, saya mempunyai seorang kawan yang secara tiba-tiba, jerawat tumbuh di muka menyebabkan mukanya kemerah-merahan dan tidak selicin dulu. But to me, not too severe lah, I've had worse.
Anyway, perkara ini telah membunuh self-esteem kawan saya sehingga beliau mendapatkan rawatan beribu ribu ringgit (considered as a large amount at that time), siap ibunya memberi warning kepada si perawat, "I mahu muka anak I clear within one month!"

Panjang pula fakta rawak nombor 8 ni. Kesimpulannya, saya sungguh kasihankan orang-orang yang terlalu mementingkan kecantikan kulit muka sehinggakan jatuh self-esteem padahal masyarakat would NOT even notice those tiny pimples. Chill lah! Orang lain yang betul-betul mengalami masalah kulit lebih menderita dari kamu.




Nombor 9 dan seterusnya akan disambung lain kali.

who, jamak? bugis?

When I was 14, we were required to do a History folio. We needed to choose a prominent figure in the family and write about him/ her.

Nobody in my family could be considered as a 'tokoh' (or so I thought), so I asked Mother for her help. She suggested for me to write about an uncle of mine (who no longer is because he and my aunt are divorced now) who seemed to be the most successful among all.

So, I wrote about him. On the day I submitted my project, I noticed that many of my fellow friends had written about their fathers instead. Without anyone noticing, I felt embarassed by my shallow thinking.

-You see, most of my friends are anak somebody or cucu somebody, that's why I thought I must write about 'somebody'-

The teacher must have thought I have no respect towards Father. Sigh. I am still embarassed.

Anyway, for future references (I wish I was there at the event collecting information myself):
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Sunday/National/2433476/Article/index_html
http://kotakitam.com/2008/12/21/buku-the-jamak-family/
http://imranhanafi.blogspot.com/2008/12/back-to-basic.html
http://imranhanafi.blogspot.com/2008/12/back-to-basic-2.html
http://imranhanafi.blogspot.com/2008/12/new-post.html
http://imranhanafi.blogspot.com/2008/12/pixar-picture-gambar.html
http://abaksmn.blogspot.com/2008/12/gathering-of-jamak-family.html
http://www.equestrian.com.my/blog/ambling/?p=77

I'm imagining how my kids will come to me for help for their History projects and I would take The Jamak Family and Taib Andak--In a Class 0f His Own from my mini library: Dear, read this. Don't disturb Mommy.

Haha.

P/S: My boyfriend is intimidated by this. Tsk. Like I know those people! I'm sure those prominent figures won't come to my wedding because my nuclear family is a bit anti-social. Don't worry lah...

P/S2: Eiii...I hope this post won't sound berlagak about my ancestors. I am Anon-phobic and Piahzadoralagi-phobic. I am simply proud. If my intention was to berlagak, I would have told my friends about it and you would have known who I was in the first place. Fear me, fear me, you commoners! (The previous sentence is a sarcasm, in case some of you didn't get it.)

P/S3: Okay, this is kinda creepy since this is the first time I have narrowed down who I really am. To make myself feel better, I am one of the 2000 living descendants of this guy, Jamak, half of them are men, so I am one of 1000, half of them are the elderly and the children, so I am one in 500, half of them attended the gathering, so I am one in 250. Gulp.

Actually, my calculations are incorrect since some of the subsets do intersect with each other. Okay, now I feel better! I think I am one in 750, yeay!

hoarder

My laptop is so lembab. It's time for me to get a new one, but me being me, I am gonna use it until it is totally kaput or gone missing.

I think I suffer from a mild type of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and I fall under the category of being a hoarder. My room is full of junk. I collect unnecessary things like tickets and silly souvenirs and 'just-because' gifts I got from friends, basically, I collect anything I think holds a sentimental value.

I see myself in the future owning a special room where I could display my collections, in frames, scrapbooks and on shelves, accordingly, and I'd be able to recall the history of each and every item. Kinda like Ripley's Believe It Or Not vault, except mine is the museum about myself. Haha.

I've begun this habit since I was very small. That's why I am always touched when someone give something, anything, to me. I still remember the first birthday gift I presented to my then bestfriend. We were nine years old and she held a party at her house. I gave her a mechanical pencil, using my own almost-non-existant savings, because Mother said if she bought the present, it would have meant that it was from Mother, not me. Did you know I only get 30 cents per day, 5 days a week, back then? And I was stress-free!

(Now you know who nurtured my spending habit and why everything is valuable to me!)

The first gift I received was given by my neighbour who had a crush on me when I was six or seven. He gave me a yellow whistle and left it with a letter in my postbox. I still had the whistle until a little someone invaded my room and ransacked my stuff. So many things I collected since childhood and so many things had gone missing because of that someone.

The worst part is Mother supports that what I collect are junk. She is just itchy to throw everything into the bin!
Not owning a house means I've been putting my personal project on hold for a very long time. Excuses, excuses.

The thing about being alive is, you rarely think about having to die tomorrow. All you could visualize is growing old, content and you have achieved what you dream for. That's why I collect these junks. I want to tell my grandchildren about the life I've had, the people I've encountered, the places I've been, occupying myself by reminiscing the time of my life!

I'm so scared if I suffer from Alzheimer. It's not just losing my memories that frightens me, but losing your personality too, losing the things that makes you you. I've met one elderly who was admitted to the hospital because his memory has gone from bad to worse, he was sinking into a drinking problem which didn't really help the overall situation and he was becoming more violent. One thing that soothed my heart is when he insisted to see his wife every single morning despite his memory loss.

I want to become that person who makes a big impact in someone's else in a positive way. I want to become significant that it's just so hard to erase me from your life.


(Selingan: Lagu untuk emo/ berangan)

I told my boyfriend that we need a break from each other. He blames his work.
I said, "Okay, don't contact me until you've settled your problems and I'll contact you when I'm ready to make peace with you."
I am not going to make peace until he understands that all I need is a fresh start. Back to the basic. Come flirt with me again, be the sweet, wonderful person I fell in love with.
Is it so difficult to get the hint that I need to lay this out for you? If I told him directly what I want, it would destroy the whole element of joy! Worse if I told but he still didn't get it!
But what does he do? He keep giving me promises. Promises I know he will eventually break.
Geram dengan orang lembab. Lembab like this laptop of mine that I feel maybe I should purposely break it into pieces.

Now, tell me, in our relationship, who is the hoarder, me or him?
You are junk and maybe I should dump you.

upside down

I want to be somebody who knows what she wants in her life.

Currently, I am so confused. I thought this is what I want, but I am not good in it, hence making me very unhappy. I doubt my decision and thinking of doing something else.

But what?

I know my boyfriend and my family won't give me their supports if I decided to drop everything and start back at square one. They'll ask me to hang in there, don't do stupid things, don't risk what you have.

I want to be somebody who is able to do anything she wants in her life. I want to be somebody who is content and happy.

Anyway, my love life is twisted in its own kinda way.
Father secretly made plans to visit my boyfriend's hometown to check out his background but he had to postpone it due to some circumstances. I never knew he would go that far to find out about the simple truth!

My boyfriend and I, we rarely see each other. We don't talk everyday and we don't exchange text messages everyday. Sometimes, even I myself am confused about our relationship. It seems so different from other normal couples.

The only thing that makes us similar to others is: We are losing the sparks. He is not like the person I met 2 and half years back. I hate politics. I wish he was a regular guy doing a regular job, living a regular life and we are a regular couple.

On the hand, I am a regular person and as mentioned above, I hate for not being able to achieve my greatest potential. I want to be extraordinary. Sigh. Conflicting.

Un/like other people, I have the tendency to become rebellious when things don't go my way. They say we forget God when everything's good and only search for One when the unfortunate falls on us. I always think about how generous the Almighty is when things are going good for me and vice versa. Sometimes, I feel like life is so unfair, all I can think of is how my prayers are useless and generate nothing.

I regret for thinking such terrible thoughts. I am okay now.
I hope I won't fall apart.

Perhaps I am stuck in a time capsule. The last time I remember for being so happy and confident was during my college days. And that was not even close to the fun I had during my school years.

Memories.

Whenever we quarrel, my boyfriend reminds me to remember our happy times together. I see it differently. I don't want to hold onto the past. This is now. Why can't we create our happy moments now?

Perhaps it's me. Perhaps it's time to grow apart. Perhaps it's time for something/one new.
Or is it?

Heartbroken.

home'less'

I only have one home. By my definition, my home is where my parents live.

I've been living in this house for three years and it is still not my home. It is difficult for me to fill up my refridgerator with groceries and I never feel like my wardrobe is complete.


Because I live alone, I am constantly thinking what if I could not finish the food by myself. What if I need to go outstation and all the food will be left to rot in the fridge.
When shopping, I resist to buy some things because I have those securely kept in my parents' house. I always stand before my wardrobe, thinking how I wish I was home so I could put on the clothes/ shoes/ handbags which I left at my parents' house to match with what I have in the cupboard.
Since I still don't consider this as my home, I don't bother to decorate the space and the kitchen utensils are minimal.


My poems, photo albums, my collection of books, my memories, there are all in my home, not in this house.


I may not have the chance to live with my parents after this. So I desperately need to find my own home. Somewhere where I could call my room my sanctuary. Somewhere where everything is within my home so I wouldn't have to go out just because I feel like eating chocolates or because I have the cereals but not the milk or my nasi ayam tastes weird because I did not saute the garlics because I don't keep enough stock in my house. Somewhere where I could have a wardrobe big enough for all my clothes so I could organize them neatly according to baju tidur, baju lepak, baju evening function, baju sporty, baju formal/ kerja, baju kurung...


Most importantly, somewhere big enough for my 6 children (ehem, ehem) and I don't ever have to move out from that house because I simply hate moving and I suck at adjusting myself to feel like home all over again.


There are two factors which are preventing me from living in my dream home. First, of course, financially, I still could not afford at least a semi-D with a large compound. Secondly, the decision must be discussed with my future husband and currently, we still have our differences in terms of location and the number of children I should give birth to (haha!).

tanpa rela

I asked, "How's your childhood like?"

First, she told me it was okay.
"Let's just put it this way. If you asked me whether I want to go back to my childhood, I would refuse it. I don't want to go through it all again," she continued to say.

I nodded.

She told me, "I was very pretty. And shy. I used to cover my face with my long hair."

She was raped when she was 17.
She didn't tell anybody up until three years ago because she was ashamed of herself.

After the conversation, I sat on a chair. I stared at nothing and I felt empty inside.
Suddenly, I felt like a giant wave of sadness swept over my head.
I got up and went to the place where I knew I could be alone.



I sat on the stairs and I cried.