Wednesday, December 24, 2008

hoarder

My laptop is so lembab. It's time for me to get a new one, but me being me, I am gonna use it until it is totally kaput or gone missing.

I think I suffer from a mild type of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and I fall under the category of being a hoarder. My room is full of junk. I collect unnecessary things like tickets and silly souvenirs and 'just-because' gifts I got from friends, basically, I collect anything I think holds a sentimental value.

I see myself in the future owning a special room where I could display my collections, in frames, scrapbooks and on shelves, accordingly, and I'd be able to recall the history of each and every item. Kinda like Ripley's Believe It Or Not vault, except mine is the museum about myself. Haha.

I've begun this habit since I was very small. That's why I am always touched when someone give something, anything, to me. I still remember the first birthday gift I presented to my then bestfriend. We were nine years old and she held a party at her house. I gave her a mechanical pencil, using my own almost-non-existant savings, because Mother said if she bought the present, it would have meant that it was from Mother, not me. Did you know I only get 30 cents per day, 5 days a week, back then? And I was stress-free!

(Now you know who nurtured my spending habit and why everything is valuable to me!)

The first gift I received was given by my neighbour who had a crush on me when I was six or seven. He gave me a yellow whistle and left it with a letter in my postbox. I still had the whistle until a little someone invaded my room and ransacked my stuff. So many things I collected since childhood and so many things had gone missing because of that someone.

The worst part is Mother supports that what I collect are junk. She is just itchy to throw everything into the bin!
Not owning a house means I've been putting my personal project on hold for a very long time. Excuses, excuses.

The thing about being alive is, you rarely think about having to die tomorrow. All you could visualize is growing old, content and you have achieved what you dream for. That's why I collect these junks. I want to tell my grandchildren about the life I've had, the people I've encountered, the places I've been, occupying myself by reminiscing the time of my life!

I'm so scared if I suffer from Alzheimer. It's not just losing my memories that frightens me, but losing your personality too, losing the things that makes you you. I've met one elderly who was admitted to the hospital because his memory has gone from bad to worse, he was sinking into a drinking problem which didn't really help the overall situation and he was becoming more violent. One thing that soothed my heart is when he insisted to see his wife every single morning despite his memory loss.

I want to become that person who makes a big impact in someone's else in a positive way. I want to become significant that it's just so hard to erase me from your life.


(Selingan: Lagu untuk emo/ berangan)

I told my boyfriend that we need a break from each other. He blames his work.
I said, "Okay, don't contact me until you've settled your problems and I'll contact you when I'm ready to make peace with you."
I am not going to make peace until he understands that all I need is a fresh start. Back to the basic. Come flirt with me again, be the sweet, wonderful person I fell in love with.
Is it so difficult to get the hint that I need to lay this out for you? If I told him directly what I want, it would destroy the whole element of joy! Worse if I told but he still didn't get it!
But what does he do? He keep giving me promises. Promises I know he will eventually break.
Geram dengan orang lembab. Lembab like this laptop of mine that I feel maybe I should purposely break it into pieces.

Now, tell me, in our relationship, who is the hoarder, me or him?
You are junk and maybe I should dump you.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

love that song... thanx

ectopy said...

tapi lirik dia macam tak romantik pun sebenarnye...hehe...

ectopy said...

tapi the song is by iron and wine, so...memang lagu-lagu tema macam ni...haha! no offence to their fans!

Anonymous said...

but suits utk i dodoikan my baby... ehehehe