If I were to live until 80, I am now actually very close to the midpoint of my life, guys! But, what if I die when I am 50...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it has taken me so long to come to terms with my life and myself. The major one is something that I just realized recently, I am now okay with how my face is. Gasp! I used to wish I was prettier, maybe I wished for a nicer nose, my pictures didn't look too good, I wished my skin looked as it was with the filters on...

Guess I want to applaud this new generation of Tik Tok users who are not afraid to show themselves on camera. They don't care! And they definitely slay...I mean, now, I appreciate beauty in non-conventional faces. It's funny how we avoided cameras before, but these young boys and girls...They are raw, they show whatever they like, they say whatever they want to say...Thanks to you guys, I am not as bad as I thought I was! Finally, I feel pretty too...Can't believe it took me this long to say: I am pretty, instead of I am average looking. I didn't even realize I had this physical inferiority complex in me...Until I used the inverted filter on Tik Tok and didn't despise at myself.

If you are 20 or 30 and you feel like you still haven't settled down, or you haven't figured things out...It's okay, totally! Because, I baru je reach contentment in my life and look how old I am...I am okay with myself. In fact, I am grateful. Not perfect, but am content. At this age, I realize contentment is better than perfection, just as peacefulness is better than happiness...

Since my last post about Edward Norton, I have been watching his movies. He is my man of the season currently. Hahaha...

As I rewatched Fighter Club, I found out that I prefer Ed than Brid (Pitt) now. Young Miss Ectopy would drool over Brad Pitt, but not current Ectopy. Ed is cool, not very good looking but he is smart. No major controversies, carefully curates which characters he wants to play, appears smart, responsible and well-spoken. I don't even mind that he's old now! Hahaha!

Just like being okay with being alone now...Solo meals, solo shopping, solo movie, solo travelling...When 20 years back, I was always surrounded by friends. Always had to have something planned for the weekends. Now, I don't mind staying home...The ultimate contentment! When you truly believe Allah is always there for you...

It's funny when you thought you know yourself, but, even at this age, you continually evolve and progress, and you keep learning new things about yourself. It's amazing because it makes us human, because we grow out of or into something. We are not stagnant creatures...

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Sometimes, it frustrates me, for example

Situation: When I crave for good food

Solution: I order expecting something to satisfy my crave, after carefully selecting the menu

How I order food: I need to justify the price (everything is so expensive nowadays) VS the ingredients (because I want something healthy and match the price, not paying RM40 for salad!) VS the portion (I don't want a big portion because I want to eat other kinds of food too without overeating)

And after all that...The taste is meh...I am not satisfied but I can't order something else because I can't waste my food...It's annoying.

I wish restaurants would sell mini-sized food that's not very expensive. Let me devour your food without guilt...So I can order a starter, a main and a dessert, instead of choosing just one.

Like, donut. You sell all this yummy-looking donuts, and how do I choose only one flavour for myself! It's ridiculous. Buy normal-sized donuts in 6 different flavours instead? You are killing me...

It's either killing myself with diabetes or get more friends that can share food with me...The first option is easier and faster.

What a rant...At almost 5 in the morning...😅

Just watched The Painted Veil and it's probably one of my favourite movies.

I usually don't like love stories about infidelity but I give this one an exception. I wish the romance parts were longer, I really want to see how the husband falls back in love with his wife.

Ending dia sedih lah, penat nangis.

I love Walter. He is kind and intelligent. Haishhh...Tak hensem pun tak apa.

If I had to advice anyone about love, I would always say to choose the kind one. I simply don't understand why anyone would put other qualities on top of it. I remember whenever my friends asked for my advice, I would tell them- He's so kind!, but they always argued back- "But, he's younger than me," or "But, he only drives a Wira," or "But, he's ugly!"

Kindness and intelligence. I just can't stand a man who can't use his brain. Suck ick.

But, I guess, we have different preferences. That's life. What's your number one quality you look for in a partner?

Primary 4: Mommy, Ustadz cakap, boys will mimpi flying flying, lepas tu, ada white stuff dekat kaki. White stuff tu apa?

Me: ??? Apa dia?

Primary 4: (Repeats)

Me: Are you talking about puberty?

Primary 4: No! Ustadz kata, kalau ada white stuff tu, kena pergi mandi!

Me: Yeap! That's semen.

Primary 4: Apa tu?

Me: Ada white stuff coming out from your bebird. It happens when you have sexy dreams. It's a sign of puberty. When you are a teenager.

Primary 4: What! Euw! Girl pun ada ke? Mommy ada ke macam tu?

Me: Mommy tak ada bebird. Girls reach puberty when they get their periods. I have period.

Primary 4: Betulke Mommy?

Me: Betullah! Your Ustadz did a bad job of explaining it to you! Now, you understand?

Primary 4: Ustadz kata mimpi flying flying...

Hahaha...WTF is mimpi flying flying. My kid was totally imagining himself flying in the sky or in the aeroplane!

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Anyway, Muse best gila nak mampus woiiii!!!

Best ways to lose weight

1) Go to a concert where the food is overpriced- auto calories restriction.

2) Go to a concert that plays your favourite songs, fast paced.

3) Dance and jump without feeling tired coz you are having fun.

Within hours, you're gonna get a sore body. Hahaha...Worth it!

Kids been away from me for multiple days for multiple of times. Since young. Either due to the nature of my work, or, when they balik kampung.

Never a problem.

Sent my son for him first 'camp'; a schooltrip where he had to spend one night in a dorm. He came back well. He didn't love it, but it was okay, he said, because they got to do some jungle trekking and swimming in the river.

I lied to them that I need to go somewhere for work. I'm watching Muse tonight, but won't be bringing them because I need to catch an early morning flight back for a meeting. It's been a while since I last leave my kids for 'work', so my son is suddenly not used to the idea.

Yesterday, he kept hugging me and saying that he would miss me. Before bed last night, I told him- what he feels is what I felt when he went for his schooltrip. Not really, I was really fine, but I needed to validate his feelings, you see...

Then, he admitted- I cried before I slept (at the camp) because you were not there!

This was new information!

Me: But you told me you tidur mati that time.

Him: I cried first, then I tidur mati! I only had 6 hours of sleep...(They woke up early the next day for Qiyamulail)

Me: Awww...Why you didn't tell me...

Him: Tak apalah...

Drama betul lah anak I ni. Seriously, kalau I tinggalkan balik kampung duduk dengan his gandma and cousins for 1 week, okay je pulak...Main 24/7, siap sedih lagi when it's time to go home.

How would he feel when he finds out that actually, I'm going to a concert...Hehehe...

1. Managed to secure the Coldplay concert tickets, but annoyed at how many days they are performing in Singapore. From 4 days, to 5 days to 6 days...WTH! Betul ke fans diorang ramai ni, yg sanggup spend that much of money, or we, Asians just love to over glorify them white, we are obviously still mentally colonized! Guys! Ugh, I'm disgusted at myself...Such ick now...

They better give 100% at each show. I'm not so very excited now...The hotel rates gonna shoot up...

Well, I hope the foreign people going to Singapore would come and boost the Malaysian economy as well. Tolonglah jejak kaki to Malaysia, explore the other side...

2. You know how I have a different crush every few months? Hehe...Been obsessing with this guy for like, a month, now. Handsome lah budak niii...Can't say his name because he's too young, hahaha...Sedar diri I dah tua...

Anyway, I hope he shows a side of him that would turn me off, soon. Because, seriously, penat tau jadi peminat ni...

3. My son ni kan, kadang-kadang betul-betul mencabar kesabaran I. But I know, he has a soft spot for me. Apa-apa pun, mesti Mommy. Unlike my daughter, who claims she has multiple boyfriends- this, she gets from me, hahaha...My son, on the other hand, hates girls...He even says he doesn't want to get married ever, he just wants to take care of me.

For our anniversary, my husband gave me a bouquet of flowers. Imagine my shock when suddenly, my son said he wanted to give those flowers to his girlfriend. Who is your girlfriend? I immediately asked. "You. You are my girlfriend." Awww...Nasib baik. I ingatkan dia dah berubah fikiran.

Tapi tu lah. Sebab my son ni Mommy's boy sangat, I kena berjaga-jaga what's coming out from my mouth when I get angry. Kalau silap cakap, I know I will hurt him deeply, because he really listens and looks up to me. Tapi tu lah kan, bila dah marah, usually pasal his schoolwork, eee...geram sangat. I ni memang nerd lah, kalau pasal schoolwork, I memang cepat betul triggered.

I kena paham, anak I ni late bloomer sikit.

I doakan anak-anak I berjaya dunia akhirat, because they truly deserve the success. Anak-anak yang sangat baik dan memuliakan I sebagai ibu.

I bukan lah nak perasan ke apa, but I am happy with the progress that I've made so far. I feel like Allah really listens to my pleas and has guided me, I feel so blessed. I finally feel like He really loves me and wants me to be in heaven with Him.

Before this, I had always feel like I didn't deserve anything from Him. I was aware that my life was not bad at all, but I thought He was just ignoring me. Last Ramadhan, I realized He had tested me with the hardest challenge of all! How stupid was I...

I pray that this momentum continues. Iman goes up and down, and I hope I will never stray too far from Him ever again.

Just a reminder to all of us. No matter how insignificant and sinful we think we are, just keep on doa. Doa, doa, doa because Allah loves those who make doa to Him. Doa as much as you can, doa for anything even though it is so silly, just doa. Remember, Allah tu Maha Baik, He will forgive all of our sins, InsyaAllah.

And, if your doa is not granted here, it will be granted in paradise. Allah is so perfect, He never breaks His promises.

Lost the Coldplay battle and quite annoyed because I think those who somehow able to purchase are not actual fans. Haha. Like, you tak tau pun lagu diorang, you tak beli pun album diorang, you tak tahu pun history diorang...

Got my hope high because

- Ramai orang comment tak cukup duit sebab baru raya

- Coldplay ni Millennials punya zaman

- Tickets are quite pricey. Kids can't afford them, right?

- Wednesday night concert. Budak-budak pergi sekolah

Tapi...

Sad lah jugak...But not too sad because I didn't actually use a lot of laptops/ PCs, as I was working yesterday and today...So, tak focus sangat. I attended meetings in between, entertaining clients etc, as usual. Siap pergi beraya...

And maybe, bukan rezeki I kot...Mana tau, tiba tiba menang contest pula lepas ni? Hahaha...

It's okay, mana tau kalau tiba tiba ada second day concert. But, so hard, cause Malaysia panassss...Pengsan Mat Salleh tu nanti.

Tu je lah. There must be a better plan for me. Kena pergi holiday overseas time tu, to mend this broken heart...

Hish. I dah siap hype my kids dah pasal Mommy nak jumpa boyfriend. Sigh. My son hugged me after I told him that I didn't get the tickets. Kids are always so very supportive of me. Diorang layan je Mommy...Husband prefers Metallica, so, he really doesn't care.

My daughter realized that she can now read better.

I applauded for her achievement.

Me: Awww...Baby H! Well done, you can read faster now!

Baby H: *Proudly smiles* Why am I better now?

Me: Because you practice every day! You use DuoABC and you go to school...

Baby H: Bukanlah, Mommy...It's because you doa for me. You pray every day kan...

And that's a lesson from my kid. Alhamdulillah.

We went to visit my aunt and was served with pegaga drink. It was green as the grass. My daughter didn't mind it but my son was like, "Ew, what's this? Tak sedap!" I told him it's a type of detox drink.

He repeated himself, "Tak sedap, Mommy!" I gave him the eye to shut him up. Unfortunately, my cousin saw our body language and chuckled.

Just now, after dinner, I approached my son in his room.

Me: Abang K, can I tell you something?

Son: Apa?

Me: If you eat something, but it's tak sedap, just don't say anything. Diam je.

Son: Oh, I knew that.

Me: ....You knew? Then, why did you complaint?

Son: Mana ada!

Me: Remember when you said the green drink tak sedap?

Son: Oh. But you told me not to lie! So, I told you the truth! Mommy ni! 🤨

Me: Just...If you don't like it, don't say anything.

Then he ran out of the room to continue playing his mobile games.

P/s:

Do not serve detox drink to kids.

Was excited to watch Big Fish because

1) I think Ewan McGregor is cute and I'm a fan since Moulin Rouge, love his blue eyes...

2) Great review and I had never watched it before

Decided to Google Ewan McGregor and found out he was in a messy divorce. Like, what...Such a turn off...

Separation and falling out of love might be inevitable. Especially among the celebrities...But you don't have to make it messy...

That information made such a big impact, that I don't find him desirable anymore! Hahaha...See, I don't like people just because of the way they look! I watched Big Fish and suddenly, he is not as attractive as before, and I was not as excited to see him on screen as I did.

Suddenly, I didn't enjoy the movie even though I know the movie is my kind of film.

Awww...What a shame. Tua dah si Ewan ni...