I usually tell stories to my kids before bed. I've been telling them current news because I don't have to make up stuff and I think it's important for them to be updated. I've told them about COVID-19, the vaccines, Rayan who fell down the well, storm Eunice etc...

Today, I told them about the war between Russia and Ukraine. It got dark pretty fast, I just can't help myself and I didn't know how to make it lighter for them.

First, I told them we have to be prepared for World War III. They asked why, and I told them why Russia doesn't want Ukraine to be friends with the US. I don't want my kids to spend so much money, so I told them, "We have to save money in case we need to run away from the war."

I told them why it's important to have survival skills, because in a crisis, there won't be water supply or electricity. Your money might even be useless because you can't even withdraw from the bank when there's no power.

They got kinda scared, because my kids don't want to be orphans. My stupid brain said- Don't worry, it's bound to happen because Allah said kiamat is soon.

Then, they got even more upset because I told them that we are all going to die! The apocalypse is soon and after that is the judgement day.

My son really didn't want to get separated from us, so he was asking worrying questions like- How are we going to find each other!

I said, not to worry, because in heaven, we can wish for whatever and they will all come true. "That's why I keep telling you guys to be kind, to pray, baca Quran...So we can all meet in heaven." 

I left them in the dark. I hope they don't get traumatized tonight.

The real world is tough and crazy.

And please lah doa for wars to stop. 

My sweet innocent kids...

I cuma nak cakap...I rasa, kita patut approach penjagaan mak ayah kita macam kita jaga anak-anak kita.

Contohnya, kalau anak kita sakit, kita risau dan bawa pergi check dengan doctor. Kalau anak kita masuk wad, kita ambil cuti dan tak kesah berapa banyak duit kita kena keluarkan untuk bagi anak kita sihat.

Tapi, kenapa bila mak bapa kita sakit, kita seolah-olah berkira. Bila ditanya kenapa tak bawa ke hospital- takut ditahan wad, tak ada siapa nak jaga dalam wad.

Bila mak bapa sakit, kita tunggu dah betul-betul melarat baru nak pergi check.

Seolah-olah macam parents kita tu bukan priorities dalam hidup kita. If they are important, treat them like they are important.

Kenapa tak boleh bawa ke hospital swasta, kalau itu lebih selesa, tak perlu tunggu lama dan kita pun berkemampuan.

Saya paham kalau ibu bapa kita sendiri yang tak mahu ke hospital. Itu cerita lain. Tapi kebanyakannya, bukan ibu bapa yang tak nak mendapatkan rawatan. Anak-anak yang menghalang.

Kita kena ingat. Masa kita kecil, mak ayah kita yang paling risau, bersungguh-sungguh jaga kita sampai tak tidur malam. Tapi bila mak ayah kita sakit, kita tak bersungguh pun nak menyembuhkan.

Saudara suami saya, dah seminggu lebih ibunya sakit. Bila saya nasihat suruh bawa berubat, beliau masih tak bawa. Kalau dah lebih seminggu badan masih tak dapat lawan penyakit, maksudnya, penyakit tu tak boleh sembuh sendiri. Kena dapatkan rawatan.

Why are so many people lacking common sense. Tak logic nak harapkan demam, letih, sesak nafas dah nak dekat 10 hari, dapat pulih dekat rumah.

Lainlah kalau kita memang dah tahu dia ada cancer. Yang itu, saya setuju, kita turutkan sahaja kemahuan orang tua di saat-saat terakhir.

Sekiranya ibu saya sakit, InsyaAllah saya akan cuba selesakan beliau. InsyaAllah saya akan sanggup bayar berapa saja. Hidupnya bukannya lama lagi. Pelaburan yang ibu saya buat untuk sepanjang kehidupan saya, jauh lebih besar jumlahnya kalau nak bandingkan dengan harga kos rawatan. Saya berdoa supaya dalam hati tidak akan ada sikap berkira when it comes to my mother, because she deserves only the best. And I can afford it. Ada duit, gunalah untuk ibu bapa kita. Simpan banyak-banyak pun buat apa...Duit tu kalau hilang, boleh dicari balik.

Saya berdoa juga, kalau saya sakit, anak-anak saya jaga saya macam mana saya jaga mereka every time they fell sick. Sedihnya hati kalau kita tak dihargai bila kita dah tua nyanyuk.

I think I am really bad at receiving compliments.

People think I look younger than I am.

The stewardess called me 'adik'.

The little girl thought I was my son's sister.

My staff had mistaken me as her daughter.

The WWF guy thought I was 28 (well, I genuinely think he just wanted me to register for the monthly donation)

However,

- I think they just want to flatter me

- I think they are just being nice

- I think I am deceiving them behind my mask

- I think, it's my skin. Because I still have acne, isn't it? I mean, who still has acne unless you're young...

Just now, a colleague came to report to me. My staff asked him- How old do you think Miss Ectopy is?

"32?"

Wowww...Impressive...

His second guess, "30?"

Waaahhhh...He went lower!

You know, what...Today, I am just going to embrace it. My friends can go overseas, but at least I look young, yeah!!!

Huhuhu, this is pathetic, but, whatever lah...

From now on, I'm just going to say Thank You whenever I receive compliments, sincere or not.

Tonight, I don't feel accomplished.

Because I see a friend moving to the UK, another friend going back to the US, a friend in Korea furthering her studies, another friend going for Hajj...

While me...I feel inadequate.

I write all of this, and I almost forget that they don't have a perfect life neither.

2022 resolution.

This year, I am aiming high.

Spiritually

- to never miss the 5 daily prayer

- pray early

- sedeqah Al Fatihah after every prayer

- 3 Qul after every prayer

- ayat Qursi after every prayer

- selawat 10x after every prayer

- Laa haulawalaa quwata illa billahil aliyyil a'zim 10x after every prayer

- Laa ilahaillallah muhammadurrasullullah 10x after evert prayer

- subhanallah alhamdulillah lailahaillallah allahuakbar after every prayer

- memorize the Quran

- sedeqah

- puasa sunat Monday and Thursday

- learn the tafsir Quran

Health and beauty

- floss every day

- wear sunscreen even when at home

- wash my face every night

- use retinol 2x per week

- exfoliate once per week

- exercise every day

- hula hoop for 15 minutes every day

- skipping 1000x, everyday

- do planks everyday

- eat more fruits

- to sleep early

- to wake up early

- maintain weight less than 54.5kg

- to learn horseback riding

Others

- learn Mandarin

- learn Arabic

- to pass my exam

- finish the house

- read the Quran everyday with the kids

- teach the kids to do 5 daily prayers

- get side income from social media

- to document life more actively ie: to take more videos

- to buy less

- to stop buying expensive things that are not worth it

I kan pernah mention, I ni selalu je ada crush crush tau. Nak tahu tak siapa crush terbaru I sekarang? Budak-budak badminton players ni haaaa...Apesal cute sangat! Selalu lalu lalang dekat FYP I, sampai I pun dah pun macam blushing blushing tau stalk diorang ni...

Hahaha...

Terus rasa I am back in my twenties. Sekarang favourite I- si Yassin, sebab dia single, tinggi, rambut cacak cacak...Memang taste I lah! Si Zaiyi tu ramai peminat juga, memang dia cute, tapi for me, suka tengok je lah, not really my taste.

Din Masjid pun cute je...Manis...Tapi kenapa ramai orang tak nampak kehenseman dia! Li Zi Jia lagi famous, tapi bukan taste I langsung, okay...I tak nampak lagi dekat mana sweetnya muka Zi Jia.

Tapi kalau perangai, I suka si Zubear tu. Rasa macam dia down to earth, fun and sweet je.

Tiba-tiba teringat dulu nak kahwin dengan Cina. Hahaha...Dapat suami tak ada Chinese look. Ada sorang staff I ni consistently cakap my husband is good looking. I agree, he is looking good for his age. Sampai I rasa pressured to keep up, because I am younger than him, hence, kenalah maintain...

Tadi, nampak ada this teenager flexing his 50-year old father on Tik Tok. Konon macam, dah setengah abad, tapi masih smart, tengok komen-komen pun menyokong. I tengok, biasa je, sebab I compare dengan husband I. Terus I macam...Whattt...Husband I pun will be 50 in a few years, tapi perlu flex ke...Is 50 really that old! Takut I, okay...We still feel young!

Anyway, jangan macam-macam sudah...Jangan Hanafi! Haha...

Jom lah, korang...Jom kita crush sama-sama dekat our badminton players yang comel-comel tu...Jatuh hati tauuuu...

Bought another bag 😭

Justifications:

- it's not a designer bag, but really well made, so, I am actually buying quality products, not the name

- it's made in Italy, instead of France (boycotting the French, because they are not hijab friendly)

- Black Friday discount

- considerably cheaper than other designer bags

- I've promised myself not to fall into designer traps anymore. No more designer, it's not worth it, prices are ridiculous, I cannot afford it, I hope this keinsafan continues forever

- I really like the design and have been thinking about since last March. So, this purchase is not an impulse buy

I really need to start selling my old stuff lah. Too many brown bags.

Now, jeans...I really want those Abercrombie Curve jeans...When are they gonna restock my size!

And if you need to feel better...I hope this video would cheer you up. I just find it so funny! Hahaha...!!!

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A post shared by himpunan merapu (@himpunan.merapu)

On days when you feel like your face or your skin is not good enough- listen to this.

It helped me feel better about myself, hope it would help you too.

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A post shared by Makeupwaco (@makeupwaco)

Feel really old tonight.

Somehow, ended up listening to Sheila On 7 top 30. Was never a fan, but knew some songs from the band. Remember the time when Indonesian songs were such hits? Oh, my God, I was so young...

Now, writing this while listening to 50 Top Lagu Tahun 2000an (Indonesia). It's funny. The songs don't bring me back memories. I mean, some memories, yes, but feelings instead. I always believe that. You don't remember what exactly happened, but you would remember how you felt that moment or you'd remember how a person made you feel.

I got goosebumps while listening to Peterpan's Mungkin Nanti. Couldn't really put a finger on why I felt that. I just know I really like this song. So weird.

Anyway, since we are walking down the memory lane...Me, as a teenager/ student, was cringey. Hahaha...! But, I still miss some of my old self. I miss my confidence, my carefree attitude, my positivity...

I was so sure of myself, that I convinced myself I could pass my exam even when I didn't know half of the answer. And I did! So positive! Hahaha...And, I never cared how I looked like because I thought that was all superficial.

But, look at me now! I worry about my weight and my skin and my teeth...Probably because I looked better then, I don't know...Tapi, dah tua baru nak risau, it's like, damn girl, you are 20 years too late!

Tak apalah...Let me enjoy the songs before I fall asleep tonight...