In the kitchen, I washed my breastpump set and my children's bottles. Then, I sterilised them.
I thought of eating, but went back to the room instead. My husband just finished cleaning Baby H's bottom- she pooped. My husband was carrying her, trying to put her to sleep. My son was watching Youtube videos on iPad.
I took a shower. A long one, because I thought I deserved it. I needed to calm down. I felt bad because I treated my husband as if he was bad. He was not feeling well. But I was not feeling well too!
After I got out from the shower, I nagged.
Me: I dah message you, I cakap I migraine. Dah 2 hari. I ambil ubat banyak. I beritahu you yang I tak cukup tidur. Kawan-kawan I tegur mata I lebam. Itu pun tak paham-paham lagi? I nak rehat! I nak tidur!
Me: Setiap hari, I tidurkan budak-budak. You tu, dahlah tidur awal. Bangun lagi lambat dari I (because I need to go to work). Petang, tidur. Malam, tak sedar. Tak boleh ke bagi masa sikit?
Me: Esok I kerja. I kena keluar pagi. Masa kerja, nak makan pun tak sempat. I penat. Sekarang, you tidurkan dua-dua budak ni. Selama ni, I yang tidurkan. You tu, bukan nak belajar cara-cara tidurkan budak.
Of course, when you are upset, you tend to exaggerate things. My husband does put my children to sleep from time to time. My husband is a morning person, he does not wake up so late (just a few minutes later than me). He doesn't usually nap, except when he's here with me, because he doesn't have to work, duhhh...He also feeds me in public, even if my hands are not full (hari tu kan jadi viral kisah suami menyuap isteri, I didn't realize it was a big deal, my husband does it all the time- oh, the little things you take for granted)
Anyway, in between my nagging, my wise husband kept quiet, but my son kept interrupting:
Mommy, Mommy cakap apa?
Mommy, Mommy cakap dengan siapa?
Haa? Apa dia Mommy?
Kenapa Mommy marah?
Hehehe...Nak tergelak I. Bagus juga, tak adalah I full blown nak marah, sebab anak ada depan mata. Cuma membebel je lah...
Me: Mana ada Mommy marah! Mommy cakap dengan Daddy, Mommy penat. Mommy nak tidur. Sekarang, Abang K pergi tidur.
Finally, the children were asleep, and I said good night to my husband.
The next day, I left early for work. But things were back to normal.
Now that I think about it, thank God for my son, he acted like a buffer. Makes me realize to really behave in front of him. Comel pula bila teringat dia menyampuk time I tengah hot tu. Terpaksa I senyum, but after I smiled, I noticed automatically, tak jadi nak marah sangat.
Today, I sent my husband away. I kissed his hands and he kissed my cheeks. Then he said, "Si kurus ni...Makan lebih-lebih sikit."
Nampak je kurus, tapi sebenarnya buncit.
I'm always hungry but afraid of overeating. I know breastfeeding causes hunger, but my metabolism is not like it used to be, so I have to watch what I eat before I regret it.
Anyway, the point is, I had a brief episode of meroyan and thank God my husband ni layankan ajeeeee...
Bila penat, memanglah macam tu kan.