I was upset with my husband. Baby H was fussy, so I woke my husband up and left the room. Before I left, I said, "You ni, I banyak lagi kerja nak buat! Tolonglah sikit! Anak belum tidur, you dah tidur dulu!"

In the kitchen, I washed my breastpump set and my children's bottles. Then, I sterilised them.

I thought of eating, but went back to the room instead. My husband just finished cleaning Baby H's bottom- she pooped. My husband was carrying her, trying to put her to sleep. My son was watching Youtube videos on iPad.

I took a shower. A long one, because I thought I deserved it. I needed to calm down. I felt bad because I treated my husband as if he was bad. He was not feeling well. But I was not feeling well too!

After I got out from the shower, I nagged.

Me: I dah message you, I cakap I migraine. Dah 2 hari. I ambil ubat banyak. I beritahu you yang I tak cukup tidur. Kawan-kawan I tegur mata I lebam. Itu pun tak paham-paham lagi? I nak rehat! I nak tidur!

Me: Setiap hari, I tidurkan budak-budak. You tu, dahlah tidur awal. Bangun lagi lambat dari I (because I need to go to work). Petang, tidur. Malam, tak sedar. Tak boleh ke bagi masa sikit?

Me: Esok I kerja. I kena keluar pagi. Masa kerja, nak makan pun tak sempat. I penat. Sekarang, you tidurkan dua-dua budak ni. Selama ni, I yang tidurkan. You tu, bukan nak belajar cara-cara tidurkan budak.

Of course, when you are upset, you tend to exaggerate things. My husband does put my children to sleep from time to time. My husband is a morning person, he does not wake up so late (just a few minutes later than me). He doesn't usually nap, except when he's here with me, because he doesn't have to work, duhhh...He also feeds me in public, even if my hands are not full (hari tu kan jadi viral kisah suami menyuap isteri, I didn't realize it was a big deal, my husband does it all the time- oh, the little things you take for granted)

Anyway, in between my nagging, my wise husband kept quiet, but my son kept interrupting:

Mommy, Mommy cakap apa?

Mommy, Mommy cakap dengan siapa?

Haa? Apa dia Mommy?

Kenapa Mommy marah?

Hehehe...Nak tergelak I. Bagus juga, tak adalah I full blown nak marah, sebab anak ada depan mata. Cuma membebel je lah...

Me: Mana ada Mommy marah! Mommy cakap dengan Daddy, Mommy penat. Mommy nak tidur. Sekarang, Abang K pergi tidur.

Finally, the children were asleep, and I said good night to my husband.

The next day, I left early for work. But things were back to normal.

Now that I think about it, thank God for my son, he acted like a buffer. Makes me realize to really behave in front of him. Comel pula bila teringat dia menyampuk time I tengah hot tu. Terpaksa I senyum, but after I smiled, I noticed automatically, tak jadi nak marah sangat.

-----

Today, I sent my husband away. I kissed his hands and he kissed my cheeks. Then he said, "Si kurus ni...Makan lebih-lebih sikit."

Nampak je kurus, tapi sebenarnya buncit.

I'm always hungry but afraid of overeating. I know breastfeeding causes hunger, but my metabolism is not like it used to be, so I have to watch what I eat before I regret it.

-----

Anyway, the point is, I had a brief episode of meroyan and thank God my husband ni layankan ajeeeee...

Bila penat, memanglah macam tu kan.
Hehe :p

On a lighter note, after watching the video, I read about the impressive 3 gold wins in Rio.

Lepas tu, ada orang komen: Ini bukan orang kurang upaya! Ini dah terlebih upaya!

I thought that was funny. Haha!

Watched a viral video on Facebook- a father, I assume, was stealing money right in front of 3 children. One of the kids even helped to hold the screwdriver.

Bila baca komen, alahai, ramai pula yang baik hati, fikir positif- terdesak nak cari duit untuk anak-anak.

Okay, kalau terdesak, you go beg for money. You don't carry a screwdriver in your pocket! Kalau terdesak, you are embarassed to do it, not teaching the kids how to rob.

Biarlah orang nak cakap I ni hati jahat, but I'm pretty sure he would use the money to buy cigarettes or drugs. Entah-entah, duit isteri, duit raya anak, semua dia rembat.

Yes, I'm cold hearted. Because I know, if you don't behave in front of children, then there is no goodness in your heart. Bila bab anak-anak ni, I memang sensitif. Even difficult to forgive.

Sebab anak ni pure and innocent. Even after you scold and hit them, they would quickly forget and love you back. Siap boleh ketawa. That's why it is so easy to manipulate them. That's why, if you abuse them, they would think it's love, because you are all that they have.

I remember watching a video. A Chinese woman was verbally and physically abusing a child, about 4 years of age...The woman was pushing the girl, hitting and screaming at her. Then, she tried to leave the girl. But the girl, even though crying, she still ran after the woman, tugging at her, asking the woman to accept her and not leave her. See...Dah kena pukul pun, masih meminta kasih sayang.

I think earlier this year, a couple of Singaporeans were sentenced for abusing their child. I can't even finish reading the reports. It was so horrible, I thought about the child every single night for 2 weeks, I swear! I still think about the boy every now and then. Seksanya, alahai...

:(

I wish, one day, when I have enough money and time, I want to open a home for children. I want to love them. If they don't have mothers, they can call me Mama. I may not be a proper parent to them, but I could sit with them and ask how's their day like, have you finished your homework...You know, provide a shelter and protect them...

Wow, tingginya cita-cita!
Padahal ada seorang anak yang suka tidur after 11pm pun, I dah rasa nak mengamuk hari-hari.

Tiba-tiba banyak pula idea nak tulis.

I don't know about you guys, but I love being underestimated. Yeah, go on, underestimate me, then I will deliver and you will be surprised.

I think, the more mature I am, the more humble I become. When I was younger, I wanted to show off, but not anymore. Now, I prefer to shy away from the limelight. Benarlah pepatah ikut resmi padi, makin berisi, semakin tunduk. Dulu masa muda, kosong je...Hehe.

When I see distant relatives or my husband's friends, I very rarely talk about my job, except when asked. Even when asked, I sometimes give them a general answer, like, the place where I work instead.

Actually, it is not so much of being humble (perasan humble je lebih, hehe) but also to avoid conversation about my job. I'd rather leave work during working hours.

Even among other departments, I like to be the ordinary, unknown person. In fact, I look up to my bosses who appear to be so plain, but when you hear them talk- boom!

I guess nowadays, I value presence and personality, some kind of 'isi tersirat' rather than 'tersurat'. It's like a secret code, only those who know will know what you are made of. Don't really care if people don't know, won't make much difference.

Or, perhaps, because I was in that position before, when I was younger, trying to establish myself, I understand, so I always give them chance to enjoy the moment, while I pretend to be impressed.

Luckily, I was not always like that even when I was younger. Haha. This is true story. I remember, I let my good friend in university finish a gossip. I just listened and let her enjoy the story telling. Because she knew me well enough, at the end, she asked, "You dah tau eh cerita ni? Kalau you dah tahu, kenapa you biar I cerita macam you belum tahu! Penat tau I cakap."

"Sebab, you nampak excited sangat. Tak sampai hati nak potong cakap you. Lagipun, I want to know whether cerita you sama tak dengan cerita I."

Anyway, why I am telling you this is because I have a friend on Facebook who feels like she has to prove that she is more than a housewife, or stay-at-home mom, whatever term you prefer, really, why are people getting more and more sensitive!

Every now and then, she posted status like:

Orang pandang saya macam tak ada duit. Ye lah, saya pergi shopping bawa dua orang anak, tak ada salesgirl nak layan. Dia ingat, saya ni hanya seorang surirumah.

Siapa kata surirumah macam saya tiada visi dan misi.

Dalam masa 5 tahun, saya berjanji saya akan mengembangkan bisnes saya ke pasaran antarabangsa.

Lihatlah saya sekarang. Dulu, ramai mengeji. Mereka memperkenalkan saya sebagai seorang surirumah yang tidak bekerja. Saya tidak ada gaji tetap. Bla bla bla...

Okay, so she now owns a label. Good for her. Really, I am happy, I think her products are pretty. Her business is doing quite well.

But, it makes me wonder, do people really look down on housewives? Personally, I never think housewives are lame, Mother was a housewife and I wanna be one- I just could not be one. During my time, most of my friends' mothers are housewives too!

Secondly, the fact that she wrote: orang pandang saya macam tak ada duit...
Well, I enjoy people underestimating me, don't you?

I suka dengar cerita Pak Haji pergi masjid berjalan kaki. Tapi bawa beg plastik berisi cash RM25k untuk diderma- true story.

I juga suka dengar cerita suami isteri pergi ke kedai kereta, bertanya harga, kemudian bercakap dengan nada hampa- ala, mahalnya...Kalau boleh, buat aksi lagi jakun lagi bagus, asking all sorts of free gifts. Tapi, terus beli kereta dalam masa dua hari, siap bayar cash, sampai salesman tu kunci pintu dan cakap- saya tak pernah memegang duit sebanyak ini.

Ya...Itu yang saya mahu, exceeding your expectations! The more you underestimate me, the easier it is to surprise you.

The good thing about this is...I end up always overestimating people, hence I rarely look down on people. You never know!

I rasa, people who want others to know about themselves, actually have problems with their confidence level. Ataupun, it is all only in your head. Takde orang mengutuk mengeji pun...Entah-entah, you tu je yang mudah terasa.

Tapi, kalau betul ada orang pandang rendah pada dia, I hope she gets her sweet revenge.

There was a girl at my workplace. I remember asking for a small favour from her, but she freaking told me off. I hate her. Berkira gila! Lepas tu, perasan bagus.

Anyway, I kept quiet.

Then, I got to know more and more people in my workplace. Somehow, some of us hate the same girl too! Terus I rasa lega, it is not only me! Hehe.

She was the baker among us. Sometimes, she brought cakes and received many compliments for her baking talent. Ceh, I hated her so much, I never even had the desire to touch her cakes.

Then, she moved to a new place.

During a recent course, I was in the same group with her new colleagues. Those girls also complained about her! I swear, I didn't start the conversation, I hate her so much- kalau boleh, tak nak mention dia pun.

Anyway, there must be something seriously wrong with her, sampaikan ramai membenci. I hope I don't end up like that.

Eeee...Tolonglah ubah perangai perasan bagus tu!

Since I'm on leave, tiba-tiba terasa nak check out Hermes, you know, in case my husband asks again in the future...

My God, mahal nak mampus, even for the accessories! I know they are expensive, sebab tu I never bother to go to the store. But I had a glimmer of hope when my husband bought a belt.

So, I guess, I won't be buying anything from the brand. I will just stick to the plain, old gold. If it goes out of fashion, boleh lebur, buat baru. Lebih berbaloi-baloi!

I love gifts!

My husband was away for a business trip.

When he arrived, he contacted me, just to tell me that he bought a pair of new shoes.

Him: You nak apa? You nak handbag tak? I ada nampak handbag Furla tadi. Cantik juga.

Me: Hhhmmm...Tak payahlah...I tak kisah pun...Handbag yang hari tu you beli pun, I belum guna lagi.

After we hung up, I questioned myself whether it was wise to decline a gift from your husband. Haha. So, I began to think long and hard for something that I wanted.

My husband bought a belt from Hermes a couple of months before, so, I thought, why not, I wanted one Hermes item too!

But of course, I know the handbags are out of my league, so the cheapest things that I thought my husband wouldn't mind buying: the bracelet or the scarf.

So, I Googled and sent him screenshots of the bracelet/ bangle.

Unfortunately, he didn't receive my message until after he touched down in KL.

:(

-----

He came home for a while before going back to his hometown. I was working, so I didn't see him. But he said, he left a brand new handbag for me in the room.

Love it! Yeay! I was happy, so I showed it off to Mother.

Mother: Jarang orang lelaki yang pandai beli handbag. Ada perempuan ikut ke?

She teased me. I ignored her. I told Mother that my husband felt guilty because he bought a pair of shoes for himself. "Takkanlah dia tak beli apa-apa untuk isteri."

-----

Now, I am spending the week with my husband. On the first day, I excitedly asked my husband, "Mana kasut you tu? I nak tengok."

"Cantik tak?" he asked, while I inspected his shoes.

Me: Kenapa you tak belikan untuk I? Kalau tak, boleh pakai sepasang.
Him: Susah nak cari size. You kena ada, baru senang...

Then...I also saw other new things. He also bought:

A slingbag
A luggage bag
A pair of jeans plus a free cap
Baju

Ish, no wonder lah he felt compelled to buy me a bag!

Me: Abang! Banyaknya you beli!
Him: Murah! Tak rugi beli...
Me: You pergi 3 hari je kot!
Him: Kedai dia dekat-dekat. Tu yang senang shopping tu...

-----

Today, he bought a necklace for me.

*Smiles again*

I read somewhere, when Abang K was small, that boys like fart jokes. I can't wait to find our whether this is true.

Now, he's all grown up as a toddler, and it is true!

Abang K: Daddy, apa tu? Mommy, apa tu? (Points at my husband's mole on his cheek)
Me: Itu tahi lalat.
Abang K: Hahahahahaha! Lalat berak dekat Daddy! Lalat ingat Daddy tu jamban! Hahahaha! (Laughs like it's the funniest thing ever)

And...He likes to fart at me, intentionally, then goes off running and laughing. Boys...

(5 months old and sits up like a boss)