I don't want to get angry but I am angry. I don't know who should I be angry at.

I'm angry at my maid. She said she would come back. We were so nice, she received a lot of money, renewed her permit, let her go home before her contract ends (she was with us only for a year). I thought we treated her well, out of mercy, because she too have children, and it would be cruel if we forbid her from seeing her children. Mother gave her an android phone, even bought new clothes from her children.

She didn't come back. I am angry because to me, it is pecah amanah. Serve me right, for trusting her too much. We just started to feel comfortable with her. Sure, we let her go bearing the risks. And now, padan muka sendiri lah kan.

Jadi, nak marah diri sendiri ke? Eh, maid yang buat hal, kenapa kena marah diri sendiri pulak. Maid tu yang patut kena marah!

This will be my third year hiring a maid. One for each year. Beribu-ribu each time. Eh, bazir betul lah. Baik I duduk rumah je. Gatal sangat nak kerja. Nak harapkan orang tolong jaga anak kita, tapi sendiri yang sakit hati.

And I was so confident that if we treat people right, Allah akan mudahkan. What does this mean? There's something wrong with the way we treated her? Eee...Geram betullah. I taknak marah diri sendiri, I don't deserve this. But I am so angry!