Since I have a bit of free time, might as well I jot something down, even though they are random and there's really nothing on my mind right now.
I notice every time after I did an overtime, I would feel nauseous, or I would vomit, even though I think, I already moved on from that phase. Occured only when I did an overtime, even if I wasn't so busy! I guess Baby doesn't like Mommy to work so much. But Mommy has to, dear...
Thinking back, during my early years in this profession, I did overtime 7-8 times per month at least, which was quite normal to me. It didn't affect me much, even socially. Mother always wondered how can I still be energetic most of the time. I still don't know how I did it. Must be because I used to stay at home where laundry and my meals were being taken care of.
Nowadays, I am so sick of it. The funny thing is, it is less busy now since I've moved up the career ladder and changed work place. Tapi kenapa...Semangat yang hilang...
I still remember, about 4 months after I started working, I really enjoyed the responsibilty. I was like a SuperWoman. One day, I was doing work all by myself, noone helped me even though there were tonnes to do. I didn't ask for help, because to me, I don't need to, if they were nice enough, they would help me because I always helped them. Karma tells me I should get back what I give.
So, nobody helped me. But my hard work didn't go unnoticed. My boss saw my struggle, so she gathered us in a room, and she questioned them one by one, what they were doing, when they saw me working so hard.
At last, I kindly defended them, I said, "It's not their fault, Boss, I was the one who didn't ask for help."
My boss stood there, quiet, then she said clearly, "This is the kind of friend you want to keep for the rest of your life."
She said, "Even though you guys did not help her, she still does not blame you. Shame on you!"
Then she got emotional and she told us about her mother and how she was once treated.
This boss was known to be as one of the most fierce/ most strict around. Since that day, she was always so nice to me. That night, she even gave me an hour off to freshen up and scolded my staff for burdening me with even the tiniest thing.
Sekarang ni, eeee...Tak kuasa aku nak tolong orang yang tak tolong aku. I know it's bad lah, tak boleh lah nak revenge revenge kan, but enough bullying me! Boss dekat sini tengok on paper je pun, bukan dia fikir kita buat kerja macam mana...Tak consider pun kita tak minat ke, tengah pregnant ke, kereta takde ke, risiko tinggi ke, main campak-campak orang, pastu main pilih pilih orang. Tak sukaaa!!!
It's so bad that sometimes I wish I'd get so ill or I'd get into an accident so that I don't have to come for work, or, I would deliver early so I can leave this place altogether. But if I deliver early, that means my baby would be premature, so, don't want that to happen...
A few days ago, my colleague said, "Eeee...Kalau kau kerja situ, banyak Cina! Pastu Cina ni pandang rendah dekat kau. Masa aku pergi kursus hari tu pun, semua Cina. Aku rasa kerdilnya aku ni..."
Pastu ramai lah yang angguk angguk.
See, more reasons to get out from this place!
I've worked in a multiracial environment before, and never in my life that I felt that I was being looked down at. In fact, I still keep in touch with my Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner colleagues/ friends from my previous workplace. And, we still hate the same Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner colleagues, not because of his/ her race, but because of the attitude. Kalau dah lazy, kerja tah apa-apa, berlagak pulak tu, mestilah mazmumah dan patut dibenci kan...
Perhaps people look down on you not because you are a Malay, but because of your mentality, have you ever thought about that?
The boss who defended me (as told above) was an Indian lady. The colleagues who didn't help me (as told above) were Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner.
Buktikan yang kita boleh, bukan stuck di zon selesa. Takde kena mengena dengan bangsa, unless you are indeed a racist.
To me, working in a multiracial environment is better, because indirectly, I would feel a sense of responsibility not to embarass my race/ religion. Jadi, kita pun become a better person.
Haha! Kelakar lah I ni.
My zon selesa tetap di Klang Valley. I tell you to get out from your comfort zone, but I myself insist to return to my comfort zone.
I tell you, have you ever thought why look down on you, is it because of your mentality. Well, maybe, here, people target ME because of MY mentality. I am not conservative, maybe that's why they don't like me. ( I don't even know for sure if they really don't like me, or is it just a feeling I have)
Kan dah kena batang hidung sendiri.
I ada pasang niat tau. Kalau lah satu hari nanti I dapat tukar tempat kerja, dengan izin suami, I think I will don the tudung. Haven't told anyone yet, except here. So, it's our secret okay. My husband pun tak tau. Bukan nazar, sebab takut tak dapat nak ditunaikan, but, a resolution.
All my life, I've had people mistaken my race. Cuma kebelakangan ni makin menjadi-jadi pulak.
The funny thing is, I also had staff who think I am other than Malay. Banyak kali sampai I question them, " Saya cakap Melayu tak cukup fasih ke sampai orang ingat saya ni bukan Melayu?"
Lainlah zaman dulu when I used more English than Malay to converse. Fine, logiklah kalau nak confuse pun. But nowadays, I rarely speak English. Sangat sangat rare...
My colleagues would come to me and tell stories, for example, how a staff was stunned when she overheard the conversation between us: Kenapa ucap salam dekat Miss Ectopy?!
So, my colleague said, "Ectopy, kalau satu hari kau pakai tudung, mesti budak-budak ingat, Miss Ectopy dah masuk Islam. Hahahaha!"
And that is, my friend, the reason why I want to start covering my hair in a new place.
1 hour ago