Since I have a bit of free time, might as well I jot something down, even though they are random and there's really nothing on my mind right now.

I notice every time after I did an overtime, I would feel nauseous, or I would vomit, even though I think, I already moved on from that phase. Occured only when I did an overtime, even if I wasn't so busy! I guess Baby doesn't like Mommy to work so much. But Mommy has to, dear...

Thinking back, during my early years in this profession, I did overtime 7-8 times per month at least, which was quite normal to me. It didn't affect me much, even socially. Mother always wondered how can I still be energetic most of the time. I still don't know how I did it. Must be because I used to stay at home where laundry and my meals were being taken care of.

Nowadays, I am so sick of it. The funny thing is, it is less busy now since I've moved up the career ladder and changed work place. Tapi kenapa...Semangat yang hilang...

I still remember, about 4 months after I started working, I really enjoyed the responsibilty. I was like a SuperWoman. One day, I was doing work all by myself, noone helped me even though there were tonnes to do. I didn't ask for help, because to me, I don't need to, if they were nice enough, they would help me because I always helped them. Karma tells me I should get back what I give.

So, nobody helped me. But my hard work didn't go unnoticed. My boss saw my struggle, so she gathered us in a room, and she questioned them one by one, what they were doing, when they saw me working so hard.

At last, I kindly defended them, I said, "It's not their fault, Boss, I was the one who didn't ask for help."

My boss stood there, quiet, then she said clearly, "This is the kind of friend you want to keep for the rest of your life."

Chewaaahh...!

She said, "Even though you guys did not help her, she still does not blame you. Shame on you!"

Then she got emotional and she told us about her mother and how she was once treated.

This boss was known to be as one of the most fierce/ most strict around. Since that day, she was always so nice to me. That night, she even gave me an hour off to freshen up and scolded my staff for burdening me with even the tiniest thing.

Sekarang ni, eeee...Tak kuasa aku nak tolong orang yang tak tolong aku. I know it's bad lah, tak boleh lah nak revenge revenge kan, but enough bullying me! Boss dekat sini tengok on paper je pun, bukan dia fikir kita buat kerja macam mana...Tak consider pun kita tak minat ke, tengah pregnant ke, kereta takde ke, risiko tinggi ke, main campak-campak orang, pastu main pilih pilih orang. Tak sukaaa!!!

It's so bad that sometimes I wish I'd get so ill or I'd get into an accident so that I don't have to come for work, or, I would deliver early so I can leave this place altogether. But if I deliver early, that means my baby would be premature, so, don't want that to happen...

A few days ago, my colleague said, "Eeee...Kalau kau kerja situ, banyak Cina! Pastu Cina ni pandang rendah dekat kau. Masa aku pergi kursus hari tu pun, semua Cina. Aku rasa kerdilnya aku ni..."

Pastu ramai lah yang angguk angguk.

See, more reasons to get out from this place!
I've worked in a multiracial environment before, and never in my life that I felt that I was being looked down at. In fact, I still keep in touch with my Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner colleagues/ friends from my previous workplace. And, we still hate the same Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner colleagues, not because of his/ her race, but because of the attitude. Kalau dah lazy, kerja tah apa-apa, berlagak pulak tu, mestilah mazmumah dan patut dibenci kan...

Perhaps people look down on you not because you are a Malay, but because of your mentality, have you ever thought about that?

The boss who defended me (as told above) was an Indian lady. The colleagues who didn't help me (as told above) were Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner.

Buktikan yang kita boleh, bukan stuck di zon selesa. Takde kena mengena dengan bangsa, unless you are indeed a racist.

To me, working in a multiracial environment is better, because indirectly, I would feel a sense of responsibility not to embarass my race/ religion. Jadi, kita pun become a better person.

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Haha! Kelakar lah I ni.

My zon selesa tetap di Klang Valley. I tell you to get out from your comfort zone, but I myself insist to return to my comfort zone.

I tell you, have you ever thought why look down on you, is it because of your mentality. Well, maybe, here, people target ME because of MY mentality. I am not conservative, maybe that's why they don't like me. ( I don't even know for sure if they really don't like me, or is it just a feeling I have)

Kan dah kena batang hidung sendiri.

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Oh, well.

I ada pasang niat tau. Kalau lah satu hari nanti I dapat tukar tempat kerja, dengan izin suami, I think I will don the tudung. Haven't told anyone yet, except here. So, it's our secret okay. My husband pun tak tau. Bukan nazar, sebab takut tak dapat nak ditunaikan, but, a resolution.

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All my life, I've had people mistaken my race. Cuma kebelakangan ni makin menjadi-jadi pulak.

The funny thing is, I also had staff who think I am other than Malay. Banyak kali sampai I question them, " Saya cakap Melayu tak cukup fasih ke sampai orang ingat saya ni bukan Melayu?"

Lainlah zaman dulu when I used more English than Malay to converse. Fine, logiklah kalau nak confuse pun. But nowadays, I rarely speak English. Sangat sangat rare...

My colleagues would come to me and tell stories, for example, how a staff was stunned when she overheard the conversation between us: Kenapa ucap salam dekat Miss Ectopy?!

So, my colleague said, "Ectopy, kalau satu hari kau pakai tudung, mesti budak-budak ingat, Miss Ectopy dah masuk Islam. Hahahaha!"

And that is, my friend, the reason why I want to start covering my hair in a new place.

I've written before about my husband's habit who likes to menggesel gesel his legs against mine to sleep. Now, I know sometimes he does it unconciously, thinking I am some kind of bolster. Tapi memang ngilu bila tulang sama tulang bergesel okay.

One night, instead of menggesel, he menghempas hempas his legs on my legs. It was painful! So, I annoyingly scolded him, "Abang! Sakit!"

The next morning, he sent me to work. Yeah, I don't go to work by myself anymore, dasar manja pemalas guna alasan pregnant...Anyway, I was in the car and I asked him, "Kenapa you hempas hempas kaki you malam tadi? Sakit tau!"

"Actually, Abang mimpi Abang tengah lemas..."

HAHAHAHA!

Then, I thought about it, he did look like he was drowning! Gaya terkapai kapai di tengah lautan. No wonder his legs and arms were flying everywhere!

Sort of like this, but with eyes closed, body flat on the bed:



Many think the above video is cute and funny.

I did, at first, but it got scary.

What the hell is in this song that make this kid go crazy!

He was hypnotized, possessed, like some kind of mind control going on...Someone should study this and produce a research paper.

I am never familiarising my baby with this song!

Speaking of my baby, yeah, I am only 14 weeks but my bump is already showing. It's scary because I am getting big so fast, I think it must be the ice that I munched on. Tuh lah, degil tanak ikut pantang larang kan...

I thought I was over reacting, you know, overly sensitive about the size of my own body. But one day, while waiting for my husband to fetch me, my staff said, "Miss, miss! Miss pregnant ke?"

Me: Yeah, I am. Dah nampak ke?
Staff: Ye lah, dah nampak dah...Miss dah berapa bulan?
Me: Baru 3 bulan setengah. Dah lah baru first baby. Biasanya kalau first baby, sampai 6 bulan baru nampak kan...
Staff: Tak jugak...Ikut orang...

See? People do notice. Because I make it more noticeable by walking slowly like how a pregnant woman should walk.

That reminds me of the time when I was late to the airport at 13 weeks of pregnancy. With my wheely luggage, I ran, I ran to the baggage drop counter, I ran to the body scan machine, I ran to the waiting area...In high heels! Oh, my God, I ran like I wasn't pregnant, fully aware that I was pregnant and had faith in my baby that my baby is strong enough, hang in there, baby. Alhamdulillah, nothing happened. When my husband found out, he was so angry.

My staff yang tolak trolley pun dah ada spotting. So, I am very, very glad nothing happened to us.

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I did my first scan at a government centre. I read a blog, the writer did the same thing. But she said the nurse even inspected her nipples and told her that she had inverted nipples.

Nobody inspected mine!

I hope I don't have inverted nipples. My nipples are pointy, like large Tic Tacs, very suitable for suckling, I hope. I mean, how would I know! I don't go around watching my friends' naked bodies, and I certainly don't watch porns!

Suddenly teringat dekat my friend. Whose sister wanted her to help shave her sister's down under. Her sister was too big and round to see anything below the belly, and too embarassed to ask her husband to shave it for her. So, her sister asked my friend instead.

But why!

Of course, I understand, you have to shave, you don't want the doctor to see a forest down there, that's disgusting, especially if it smells.

When the time comes, I will ask my husband to do it. Not my sister. No!

Today, I am a bit annoyed. I know, I know, I shouldn't write in anger, but whatever, I'll give it an exception this time.

I was on a flight today and I was seated next to a stupid man. Urgh, I was like, leaning against the window for the whole journey, fearing that people would think I am with him.

He was playing with his phone when the stewardess asked him to switch off his phone. He then spoke to his friend, who was sitting at the next aisle, "Ala, bukannya ada effect pun kalau tak off handphone," very loudly and proudly.

Eh, bodoh, kalau tak ada effect, tak adalah orang bersusah payah nak buat peraturan untuk switch off your phone. Nampak sangat kau ni bodoh tak belajar Physics kan? Lepas tu dengan muka tak malunya menyerlahkan kekurangan diri sendiri. And indirectly, he was teaching the kid (I am guessing he's the friend's son) the wrong thing some more!

Kononlah selalu naik kapal terbang, dah biasa, cuma selama ni kau bernasib baik tak pernah jadi apa-apa. Kalau betul-betul jadi? Kalau memang salah kau kapal terbang tu terhempas, memang aku saman kau sampai 7 keturunan kau tak pernah naik kapal terbang!

Eeee...Dahlah duduk sebelah I pulak tu.

Just like patients who refuse to follow doctor's order, because, "Saya rasa okay, sebab tu saya tak makan ubat darah tinggi tu..."

Just like students who don't want to study Calculus, "Ala, bukan guna pun dalam kehidupan hari-hari."

Bila dah kena, baru terhegeh-hegeh nak menyesal.

There are reasons for every single thing! In an emergency, you have to always to put the Oxygen mask on yourself first before you attend anybody else because the air is thinner up there. You won't be able to sustain long enough as you think (like when you are on the ground) in that kind of situation.

Sometimes, I wish I am brave enough to give strangers pieces of my mind.

Dahlah bodoh, degil pulak tu.

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Someone said this, "Orang Melayu ni, masuk universiti sebab dasar kasihan. Kalau dibandingkan, sebenarnya tak layak pun. Sebab tu, bila dah masuk universiti, dah keluar universiti pun, masih tak pandai lagi! Dahlah tak pandai, orang bagi peluang jadi pandai, tapi masih bodoh lagi. Macam mana?"

On the other hand, "Every wise man was once stupid."

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My friend wrote something like this on Facebook, "FB has become a place for religious extremists, right/ left wing politicians, businesses." It's no longer fun and it's true.

Some time ago, I always tried to stay updated by reading every single status. Lepas tu I akan menyesal, like, "What the hell did I just read?! What a waste of my precious time!"

But now, I am smarter. My mind knows how to screen for intelligent status updates.

Sometimes, I wonder, orang yang update useless status banyak-banyak ni, banyak sangat complaint. Tapi kan, kau ni tak kerja ke complaint benda bukan-bukan ni?

Argh!

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One status made me uneasy.

Something like this lah, "Ada orang hantar anak-anak pergi sekolah agama tapi tak pakai tudung." tapi status dia lebih panjang dan lebih pedas, and it's from someone yang alim-alim.

To their defence, laaa, Islam kan suruh bersangka baik, mana tau yang hantar tu bukan mak budak, orang gaji budak ke, mana tau kan.

Sepatutnya kita bersyukurlah, sekurang-kurangnya dia hantar anak dia pergi sekolah agama. Berusaha nak beri pelajaran agama pada anak. Biar yang professional ajar anak tu, bukan diri sendiri yang serba kekurangan nak cuba ajar anak pasal agama dekat rumah.

Dan bukankah lebih baik kita doakan semoga ibu bapanya pun terbuka hati.

Yang kau pergi kutuk dekat Facebook tu apasal?

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I am also annoyed when reading blogs. Dahlah zaman sekarang ni susah nak cari blog yang best. When I found one that I like, tengok-tengok ada entri yang kontroversi lah kan.

Basically, gaduh-gaduh dalam blog. Dah besar panjang, ada yang dah kahwin, ada yang dah beranak pinak, pastu kan, gaduh gaduh.

Mula-mula tu best lah, sebab gosip kan, but then, jadi sakit kepala, especially those yang curse tu. Curses pulak yang style lelaki punya, like, very violent and aggressive. Low class. Ada tu, siap panggil gang lagi untuk back up/ serang menyerang, macam kes bully pun ye jugak.

I think kan, kalau nak confront pun kan, tak payah in public. You mention names, letak gambar lah, letak screen shots lah...Ni bukan confrontation, ini intended humiliation.

Pastu, kes Ariana tu kan...Ramai betul orang terkesan. Nasib baik I ni detach.

It makes me realize readers are very curious. The reason they decide to dig into her life is because she seems so perfect and mysterious.

I remain anonymous because there are things that I cannot talk openly in real life. For example, if I were to talk about Father's will, you can't expect me to discuss with my friends about it. Financial status is private but at the same time, you want to know whether this situation happens in other people's lives too. If everybody keeps it private to themselves, how would I know whether this is normal or not?

Sometimes, I nak share jugak, betapa terkejutnya I melihat jumlah yang I dapat (pada I, banyaklah, pada korang tak banyak kot, I ni kan jakun), betapa bangganya I terhadap bapak I yang tak seberapa tu pun dapat kumpul harta untuk kami, boleh jadi motivasi pada orang lain, betapa complicated nya pengurusan harta ni sebab melibatkan extended families jugak, and all the dramas involved, OMG, I really really want to tell! Obviously, cannot tell my friends sebab nanti membuka pekung di dada, mengaibkan keluarga sendiri. But sekarang ni I anonymous, eh keluarga siapa yang malu tu, korang tak tau kan...

But I have got people commenting that I was showing off.

Aiyo, if I were to show off, I would tell my friends who know me lah.

Jadi anonymous pun susah. Jadi anonymous pun kena careful with the topics you want to write about. I thought that's the purpose I became an anonymous in the first place! To say things I really want without having people judging me! No restriction.

Karang I tulis banyak-banyak karang, ada pulak orang nak expose I ni, macam mana? Habislah tutup blog!

Hahahaha...!