Selingan

I am being transferred to a new department and was not happy about it.

"I suck in department X! Why can't send me to department Y!" I complained to my husband.
"Tu lah you, you tak suka department X, Tuhan bagi you department X. Lain kali, jangan cakap tak suka," my dear husband spoke.
"Tapi, kenapa Tuhan bagi benda yang kita tak suka?" I said, whining like a little girl.

His answer was,"Sebab Dia tu Tuhan, itu kerja Tuhan. Tak boleh bagi semua yang manusia minta, sebab nanti porak perandalah hidup."

Besides, God knows what's best for His beloved slaves. Terima je lah dengan hati yang ikhlas.





I watched channel 114, a religious movie, about a girl being brought up in a conservative Muslim family, but grew up smart and trying to change the community ways of thinking.
She encourages girls to read.

She wanted to open a library but her brother burnt all her books. Slowly, she collected books again, and asked for her brother's permission to turn one of the rooms into a library once more time.

Her brother looked at her basket full of books. Then, the girl said to him, "Abang, kalau abang bakar sekali lagi buku-buku ni, saya ikhlas."





Most people like to be adored. I, on the other hand, adore my husband very much. I especially like the deep, mature conversations with him and the way he teaches me things I don't know.

One evening, he took my car out for wheel re-allignment. He came back and did some cleaning for my car. He also examined the engine. I asked him a lot of questions about the car, and he patiently feed me with answers.
It is one of the little things that would remind you how intelligent and amazing your husband is.

"Baguslah you ni, pandai jaga barang," I said to him when seeing him was so into taking care of my car. "Tapi tak pandai jaga orang!" I playfully mocked him. And so, he grabbed by the waist and hugged me, "Siapa kata I tak pandai jaga orang?"

(Blush)





My friend gave a lingerie as my wedding gift. She asked whether I had officially worn it. "I dah pakai dah, tapi it didn't stay long!" I told her along with giggles.

When I arrived home, I informed my husband about what my friend and I had talked a while ago.

That night, I was sexy in my lingerie.

Him: Jom SMS kawan you, beritahu dia yang you tengah pakai hadiah dia tu...
Me: Eh, mana boleh, malulah!
Him: Tak apa, dia open minded.
Me: Tak mahulah. Nanti dia imagine macam-macam!

Semangat pulak husband aku nak merwar-warkan aktiviti bilik tidur.

Men. Typical.

I hate the Internet, seeing all these happy faces and happy pictures and happy wedding photos and happy honeymoon destinations and happy couple activities.

How I wish...

Anyway, lets remind ourselves there are more important things in life, and sometimes, things are not what they seem to be.

The other day, I was telling a friend that I think people who know what they want in their life is cool.

For example, a few years ago, I was introduced to a handsome guy who is an accountant. I began to take interest in him (because he was so yummy) and my friend, who is his bestfriend, told me that initially he was supposed to do Medicine. He got into the course for a few months, didn't like it, and he went straight to his father saying he wanted to study Accountancy instead.

When I was 20, I didn't know what I want and I definitely couldn't simply change course or Father would kill me!

So, I admire his courage.

Sidetrack a bit:
After three years, I met him again at my friend's BBQ party, and he was all handsome and dashing, of course. He saw me and said my name, (OMG, he remembers my name!) and my friend said he's now available, whee! But, I am already married, bummer!

Talking about all this perfect men, they aren't really perfect, you see. My friend told me that his major weakness is his temper, but he's toned down a lot.

In marriage, I think it is very important to be with someone who can tolerate you and vice versa.

I had a huge fight with my husband and we made up.
I asked my husband what did he do when we were not in talking terms. He hung out with his bestfriend.

"Dia (my husband's bestfriend) cerita dekat I yang hari tu, dia gaduh dengan isteri dia jugak. Dia marah sangat, sampai pecah cermin kereta dia..." my husband told me.

Huh?

Okay, nak gaduh-gaduh pun, tak payah lah get physical...

I wrote before how I used to have a little crush on my husband's bestfriend. But I get really turned off by his temper. Even though I never actually witnessed it, but I can imagine.

In my marriage, I am the one who has the temper. I think that is okay, because I am a woman. Marah-marah pun, tak adalah sampai berkorban harta benda mahupun nyawa...Because I am a weak creature, I don't have the strength to ruin anything. So, my temper is managable.

However, if a man gets angry, he could do so many dangerous and crazy things! Takut okay...

Eh, jauhnya I dah menyimpang cerita.

Okay, back to the topic: People who know what they want in their life and actually do something to get it, especially when they are smart, are cool!

Yeah, so I was telling this friend of mine that I have a police officer friend.

My friend has something against the police. He's been violated by the criminals for so many times that he has lost faith in the forces to actually contain the situation. Many times, he didn't even bother to report the cases because he believes that it wouldn't make a difference.

So, base on his background, my friend was not impressed that I have a friend who's working as a cop.

"Why did he become a police officer?" my friend asked.

I told him that since school, he already made it public that he wanted to become one.

"But why? They don't do anything!" my friend said, coincidentally, we were passing a group of policemen who did nothing.

I don't like it when people look down to other people, especially when they are supposed to be doing a noble job. So, I told my friend that my police friend is actually a smart guy. He was quite a good student when we were in school, a Science stream student and managed to get 6As. (SPM zaman dulu lebih berkualiti dari sekarang) He studied Forensics, instead of the boring, typical Medicine, then, he joined PDRM. I think there's a good prospect by doing that. That is a smart move, don't you think?

My friend replied, "Eh, orang pandai tak sepatutnya jadi polis lah!"

Wah, such stereotype!

So, kudos to all the people out there who do what they want without giving a damn of what people think!

You think police are stupid? You can't say that because they are smart policemen out there, you better watch out!

And I am proud of www.sweatlee.com who is actively involved in Teach for Malaysia. Someone who is extremely smart, but dedicated her life to come back to Malaysia to become a teacher.

We all have this mentality, "Ala, dia tu bukan pandai sangat pun, jadi cikgu je..."

But you see, now, there is actually a few smart teachers out there! A teacher that students can and should admire and make an example of. (Standing ovation)

Not that I don't respect teachers, but teachers during my days and teachers now are quite different, I think.
Okay, I blame my experience. I know someone from school who is a pathological liar and steals a lot of things but she is now a teacher!
I so hate her.

Likewise, doctors are not always smart too!
Because, my husband told me about his friend, who has a brother, who studied Medicine, but he got only 2As for SPM! WTF! You got money? You can send your kids to study anywhere as long as he can be a doctor!

First of all, SPM is not that difficult to score.

On the other hand, we can't always depend on a stupid certificate to be recognized of our mental capabilities.

But I support the government move to control the overflowing of unreliable doctors in Malaysia.

I had a deep conversation with my husband.

It's saddening that all the good ones left but those we come back, they actually suck.

So, I give you a pat on your back to those who come back to serve our country. I give you a pat on your back to those who are abroad and planning not to stay there forever.

No pat on your back if you plan to run away...

Malaysia, we need a smart leader.

(to be continued)

My husband is ill and he dozed off without saying goodnight or kissing me goodnight. I am so pissed off. Being sick is not an excuse to forget your wife who desires some affection.

And, he even lost my Touch N Go card worth RM88!

Gah...

Happy thoughts ahead!

1)

This happened before I got married when the whole department knew that the date was near.

Basically, I was working and minding my own business when I walked past a colleague.

Suddenly, she said, "You look so slim, I want your body!"

A comment from someone whom I barely knew because she just joined the department!

Awkward, weird but I was flattered.

2)

I always park my car at this parking lot, so everyday, I meet the same group of security guards.

One particular pak guard is someone who speaks English very well and he always greets and smiles at you.

Him: Finished working?
Me: Yeah...
Him: You know, Miss, you are a good driver.
Me: No lah...
Him: Really. I've seen you drive before. You are a good driver.
Me: Well, thank you.

I think it's the woman-doing-reverse-parking thing that leads to that compliment. I do it oh-so effortlessly everyday. Haha.

3)

A year ago, I remember one client who thinks I was pretty.

Fast-forward, our paths crossed again. Obviously, he forgot about me but I still remember him (because compliments regarding my looks are so rare that they are precious, you see, must not forget, for the sake of self-esteem).

The good thing is, he still thinks I am pretty (even though he is totally oblivious that he said that to me one year ago) and this time around, he tried to hook up with me a few times. He asked me out for a movie lah and he took note when I'd be working so he can pay me a visit.

Four days before my wedding, I lost RM4000 to the stupid cash deposit machine that swallowed my money! Sabar je lah time tu, dugaan orang nak kahwin.

I was frantic and tried calling the bank to sort out the matter. And guess who was there coincidentally? Him. Luckily he saw me that I was in no mood to be polite and he left.

I took a relatively long leave for my wedding and then, came back to work.

On one morning, I saw him.

Me: Buat apa dekat sini? Salah tempatlah...Awak patut pergi sana...
Him: Tapi I nak jumpa you.
Me: Tak boleh, tak boleh! I dah kahwin.
Him: Dah kahwin ke?
Me: Ye, I dah kahwin! (Waves my inai stained fingers to him)

And that was the last I saw him.

Even though he is not the lelaki pujaan Malaya punya type, but to have someone who fancies you memanglah is a nice feeling.

I'm using this story for my husband and tambah garam dan gula sikit-sikit so he will think his wife is still hot on the market. Haha. My husband doesn't have to know this is guy is obese and mentally retarded!

4)

A few months before my wedding, I went out with my long time friend and his brother.

Then, there was a time when my friend left the table. His brother and I began talking about relationships. Soon, I told him that I had found the perfect guy and we were getting married.

Him: Bila nak kahwin?
Me: Bulan Jun.
Him: Cepatnya! My brother tak beritahu pun!
Me: Ala, sebenarnya dah risik lama dah, tapi asyik tangguh-tangguh je...
Him: Eh, you nak kahwin dengan siapa ni?
Me: Dengan my boyfriend lah!
Him: ... (Blank look)
Me: Who works as bla bla bla and lives at bla bla bla...? (Raised eyebrows)
Him: Bukan you couple dengan my brother ke?
Me: ??? (Confused)

Since when!
It was so awkward that I became speechless, I had no idea how to respond to his assumption. Ye lah, takkan I nak flip out tak tentu pasal, this is my good friend we are talking about.

I guess, my friend's brother saw how shocked I was. He did not demand for an explanation, so we both let go of the topic.

My friend doesn't know a thing, of course.

As I am typing this, macam funny lah pulak. Haha. So, all this while, his brother thought I was his girlfriend ke...

(FYI, my friend WAS already in a relationship, until he broke up with that girl a week after my wedding. The girl dumped him but he told me he wasn't so sad, so yeay, less job for me as a friend to cheer him up!)

Okay, dah habis dah cerita.

My husband is still asleep and he doesn't even realize I am not by his side. I know him so well, tomorrow he will say that it's the effect from his medicines.

Benci lahhhhh...!!!

My husband tends to be very busy lately, hence neglecting his poor wife. This is certainly not good because I would make a fuss about it.

Yelah, kan baru kahwin, takde honeymoon pulak tu, at least pay a little bit more attention to me.

I kan his newly wedded wife, I should be his priority!

Kesian my husband.
Everytime I mention this, he would terasa hati because to him, he is not being able to give a decent honeymoon. He would say, "Tak apa, sayang. Nanti I bawa you pergi Europe. Taknaklah honeymoon dekat-dekat." I know he is trying to compensate by saying nice things I want to hear, but at the same time, I do not want to overexpect from him.

"Sayang, janganlah marah. Abang tengah nak cari duit ni. Nanti kita pergi travel sama-sama and shopping, okay," he would explain himself.

One day, I watched Tanyalah Ustazah, aired on TV9. The ustazah said, a man who is working hard to provide for his family, is considered an ibadat in God's eyes. So, do let your hearts open and allow our husbands to work.

Tak kesahlah if my husband can't give me much at this moment, as long as he is not straying around, I am good.

When I was 18 years old, there was a moment in my class which my lecturer mentioned, "If you observe a Japanese woman, she will worry if her husband comes home early. She will think that her husband is not good enough, is he being laid off, is he not responsible enough that he is not given big projects to handle? Compared to Malaysian women, who would think that their husbands are clubbing with their mistresses if they come home late."

The ustazah also touched on several other issues.

She said, if we always buy things using credit cards and we ended up always paying the credit card company late, which leads to accumulation of interests, it really does mean that we could not afford to buy the things we buy, or else we wouldn't be in debt.
So, it's better to stop shopping and cancel the credit card and becoming debt-free.

Makes sense, eh?

Also, she talked about the importance of giving out donations. Sometimes, we donated our old clothes and make it an excuse to buy more clothes to fill up the wardrobe. Niat dah salah and membazir amalan syaitan.

She reminded that there is one group that we often forget who deserve our donations. Single men and women who want to be married but is not permitted financially.

The funny thing is, my brother-in-law wants to get married. I, being the only reasonable person in my husband's family, do not agree with the idea because he doesn't have enough savings yet. To me, you must being able to be financially independent before you want to take care of somebody else's daughter!
I was very adamant about this matter. I wanted them to be like me, paying for my own wedding. I didn't want them to make a loan, neither did I let my husband to financially aid his brother.
But after listening to the ustazah, I changed my mind. Maybe it is not so bad to help couples to build mosques. Mengelak maksiat kan.

(Sigh)

Ustazah, why are you nice and wise that I actually listen to your preach!

You've heard it, and I hereby to confirm it: You won't get to know a man until you marry him!

I was culture shocked when I actually tried to live in my husband's hometown. Although I frequented the town before we got married, but it felt different and I was still surprised.

During his humble reception, if I were an outsider, I would have laughed and sworn on my life not to ever do his dorky colour combinations. Erk.

He had one yellow canopy, red table cloth, we wore purple and our room was blue. His parents did not even wear proper baju Melayu and baju kurung. I can bleed from my eyes, seriously.

The first few minutes, I kept recalling on how I ended up with this man. In the meantime, I kept glancing to my family members, hoping that they expected this. Obviously, I did not.

--------

Rewind.

On the journey to his hometown, I finally told Mother, as a warning, "Rumah dia tu kampung tau."

Mother probably knew what was coming, "Asalkan tak payah naik bot...Saudara Ma hari tu, nak pergi rumah menantu dia kena naik bot. Terkejut semua orang."

That was a relief.

--------

After the ceremony, I was invited to his relatives' homes.

For the first time ever in my life, I sat on the floor, eating dinner kampung style!

To me, the act of sitting on the floor to eat is only during kenduri arwah and breaking fast in the mosques.

Of course it was awkward. My kain had slit and I can't move my legs as I like when they fell asleep. So I lied, "Kain ni ketat sangat."

Later on, I was brought to his biological mother's which entire house is smaller than my room.

So, is this what my husband meant when he told me the reason he was being secretive about his family? Ashamed? Inferiored?

--------

I thought about Father and related to him.

Compared to Mother, Father's family was not very well-off too. Mother married him anyway. I don't know the details, but I know they had their difficulties earlier on.

Why, then, was he so against my husband and I when things are so similiar between us?

Father's principle was simple. Each generation should improve, we should be better than our parents. He proved to be a great role model, I salute him for that.

He married a woman who had a better life than his, so perhaps, that's why I should marry a man who could provide more for me.

--------

My short life in my husband's hometown was not very exciting. I was treated like a princess most of the time.

Being bored is not good because you start to have ridiculous thoughts like, "Even my grandparents don't live like this," or "I am so scared to raise my children in this environment because I don't want them to become like them."

Seeing I had time to be filled in, my husband remembered a book I always wanted to read, written by Tun Dr. Mahathir, 'A Doctor In The House'. He bought it when it first came out and the book has inspired him.

I only read until page 66, I think, but boy, it does make an impact!

You know, even though we live in kampung houses, we can indeed be successful as long as we have the right mentality and the emphasis on education. It really doesn't matter.

Thank you for throwing away my bad thoughts.

--------

Here's the rationale.

You just have to be redha with your jodoh.

You just have to have strong faith that he is the best for you, the most suitable for you.

My husband is best and most suitable for me because he keeps me grounded. He opens my eyes to a world that I'd never imagine could have been mine.

Just remember, if you want a good partner, you yourself must be good to match him/ her.

Always, always feel blessed with what you have.