I thought I will never be one of those bride-to-be.
Because my simple wedding, with only 500 of invites, nothing fancy at all, will never have dramas, or so I thought.
I was summoned for a sibling meeting just now.
It was really an ambush, I was even warned beforehand that no hard feelings to be taken, but even the strongest person like me can become vulnerable.
After the drilling session, I went to Mother's room. Mother was sitting on the prayer mat, still reciting prayers. So, I landed myself on her bed, immersed my face in her pillows, and sobbed quietly like I always do.
She let me cry. Finally, she asked why.
"Diorang kata Ectopy menyusahkan Mother," I told her.
I continued to cry silently. For about 10 minutes, she broke the silence.
"Sudahlah tu. Awak cakap awak kan kuat..."
Everybody thinks I am strong. I think I am strong. I am strong and brave.
I am so tough that when I was 5, I fell down and my knee hurt pretty badly, but I didn't tell Mother. I still have the ulat gonggok scar on my left knee. I was bleeding with isi daging terkeluar semua but I let my body healed the wound without medical intervention.
I am so tough that I thought myself to ride the bicycle and swim. Seriously. I was 5 or 6 years old. No special classes, no supervision, nothing.
I am so tough that when I was 12, I saw a snake, I didn't scream. Instead, I quietly told Mother there's a cobra in the kitchen.
I am so tough that every time I met an accident, I settled it myself.
I am so tough that I was the only one in my family who dares to ride the meanest roller coaster, participate in extreme sports, represents my school for all sorts of competitions.
I am so tough that I have traveled for so many times to foreign countries, alone.
I am so tough that I worked the next day after I was assaulted by two robbers, bleeding and all.
I don't know why am I so independent.
I broke down because they actually think I don't do anything to reduce the burden on Mother.
Did I not find my own caterer?
Did I not find my own pelamin decorator?
Did I not find my own wedding attire?
Did I not find my own khemah?
Did I not find my own wedding cards?
Did I not follow Mother's request to do it all in one day?
Did I not agree for a small do?
Did I not become a bridezilla?
Writing is a good for me. I was crying for nearly 3 hours just now, with all sorts of things I thought I wanted to write.
I was sick all over, nauseated and I accidentally knocked my head to a hard surface that a bump is growing off my forehead.
But now that I have felt better, I will stop dwelling too much into it.
And again, I heal myself. I am better.
Let's talk about something else.
My boyfriend and I were listening to Red FM.
Caller: My first girlfriend has a brain like Einstein's, a heart like Mother Theresa's, and a body like Megan Fox's.
"Abang, oh, my God, he is talking about me!" I exclaimed to my boyfriend.
My boyfriend gave his usual, 'Please-jangan-perasan' look.
Caller: But, like any other guy, I thought, if this was my first girlfriend, imagine how my second girlfriend could be like! So, I dumped her. And I never found someone who can match her.
Men are idiots.
What's different with this current relationship of mine compared to the previous ones is: I think I love him more than he loves me.
I've been told for so many times that it's better to be with somebody who loves you more than you love him.
Can that be a strong enough reason if I were to cancel this wedding?
As much as I don't like hearing a friend bujang trang tang tang married a divorcee anak satu yang tak bekerja tinggal dengan mak bapak, sometimes, I don't like it when my boyfriend agrees with me secara berlebihan.
So, when I think he already had enough bad things to say about them, I turned the table and said, "Tak baiklah abang ni, kutuk-kutuk diorang. Itu kan dah jodoh...Nabi Muhammad pun kahwin dengan janda juga."
I hate it when my boyfriend becomes a smartass, with an answer like this,
"Kita tak boleh bandingkan diri kita dengan Nabi Muhammad. Pertamanya, Khadijah tu yang pinang Nabi, bukan Nabi pinang dia. Keduanya, Khadijah tu kaya, dia tolong Nabi. Bukan macam janda ni, duduk rumah, petang-petang pergi jalan-jalan cari laki!"
And, don't you especially hate it when some people simply menyerah pada takdir, saying, "Dah jodoh, nak buat mamacam mana..."
Well, contohnya lah kan, kalau kau dah tahu laki tu hisap dadah, tapi kau kahwin juga dengan dia, itu bukan jodoh okay. Itu bodoh!
4 hours ago