If you could read between the lines, you'd know things have been rough for my boyfriend and I for the last few weeks.
I found myself to constantly question why we met if we were not meant to be. When you are clouded with bad thoughts, it's hard to remember what made him attractive in the first place. When you are surrounded by women who manage to hook up with handsome, successful, almost perfect men, you'd be asking, 'Why can't I get someone like him?'
The thing about being in a relationship is, we can't over-analyse and under-analyse the person we are with. Nobody will meet the criterias if you over-analyse and if you under-analyse, you'd end up regretting for marrying the wrong person.
Me, for example, always succeed to find his faults when I am mad. I probably have thrown thousands of the most hurtful things I could think of at him, too. My boyfriend, he is not romantic by action and no way could he woo me with his written words (they always sound funny instead of the intended warm, fuzzy feeling I should feel). Physically, he does not turn heads. He drives a humble national car and he could be clumsy and forgetful at times. His work is unpredictable, sometimes, he works for more than 12 hours a day hence making me begging for his attention. He often gets sick and when he does, he tends to ignore everything and everyone around him. He is so sick, he is scheduled to undergo a minor surgery in one month time, which I am so glad he is finally agreeing to fix his health.
Bak kata orang, apalah yang engkau nampak dekat dia ni! (I bet that's what my parents must be thinking every single day)
I see all his flaws when I turn on my 'comparing' mode. To his defence, he told me I will never be satisfied if I didn't stop comparing. I said, that's one of the ways to improve oneself. It's what I call- a healthy competition. Then, he started to compare himself with me, which contradicted with his main point earlier, "Have you ever seen me comparing you with other women?" he asked. Because I like to have the last say, my comeback was, "But if you did, I would still be better than the rest of them, wouldn't I?" (To get the maximum effect, mesti menjawab dengan laju dan berwajah yakin, diakhiri dengan jelingan tajam, haha)
That sure shut him up.
So, two nights ago, as usual, he arrived late to his hometown. I was on the phone with him before we both heard his father knocked on his door, at two in the morning. He quickly excused himself and hung up. A few minutes later, an SMS arrived, "I'm sorry but ayah I sakit dada. Dia suruh I tolong urutkan."
People in Malaysia should learn how to seek for professional medical help instead of using self-therapy.
Anyway, the next morning, I remembered what made him so attractive for the first few months we were getting to know each other: His kindness. Not necessarily his kindness towards me, but towards the people around him as well. I also like the fact that he is responsible, mature and stable. All the qualities that could not be seen by the naked eyes, but through my careful observation beyond his looks.
Appreciate what you have and be happy.
Me: Ayah you dah okay? Kenapa ayah you tak suruh mak you atau adik you tolong urutkan?
Him: Semua orang depend on me. I kan yang paling sulung.
Me: You are so kind-lah, I hope my children will inherit your kindness.
Him: I hope my children will be as fair, as beautiful and as smart as you.
Me: Why can't they be smart like you? You tak pandai ke?
Him: Iye, pandai macam I pun boleh juga. I wish kita dapat anak soleh.
Me: Saya harap, satu hari nanti, parents I boleh nampak kebaikan you. I am so glad I can see it even without you showing.
Him: You pun baik hati juga macam parents you...
2 hours ago