berlawan = bahaya

I feel extremely guilty. Because lately I have been keeping secrets from my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is not very happy because I spend so much time with a male friend.

I see nothing wrong with it. I know he is not interested in me, and he knows I am so in love with my boyfriend, so I figure the relationship is harmless.

Since my friend and I live in the same neighbourhood, isn't it logically convenient (financially and socially) to go everywhere together?

Because of my boyfriend's disapproval, I, sometimes, had to lie that there's someone else in the car/ restaurant (insert- wherever we may be at that time).

I strongly believe in karma. Currently, I am so scared that sooner or later, my boyfriend may be keeping secrets from me too!

But I don't want to lose my friend and I want my boyfriend to lose his insecurities. Doesn't he know that good friends are hard to find, they don't come along very often and especially the ones who are as crazy as you!

And most of the time, it is not our faults. We would be planning an outing with a whole bunch of friends, but somehow, one by one would decide to ditch us, something came up la, last minute emergency la, bangun lambat la, so in the end, the two of us again.

Bf: You tak boleh rapat sangat dengan dia. Orang tua-tua dah kata, lelaki dengan perempuan tu berlawan!
Me: Tapi mana ada I gaduh-gaduh dengan dia!
Bf: You faham tak maksud 'berlawan' tu? Maksudnya, bahaya, tau tak? Lelaki bila dah bersama dengan perempuan tu bahaya!

Haha. Berlawan = bergaduh. Mana I tahu!

cantik

I don't know why, but I get overly sensitive when somebody say things like this to me:

"Don't just stand there looking pretty and doing nothing," or something parallel along that line.

Although, sometimes, I like to pretend that I am bimbo, or I like people to underestimate my capabilities, but when they find a connection between how I look with my intellectuality; I get very, Very, VERY offended.

First, because it is sooo untrue.

I grew up believing I was not pretty. Boys did not fancy me. I work my best to get to the where I am now. Physically, I was lacking, so, when these people imply that I am simply selling my face while I work, I wish I could say- Fuck off.

So far, two of my FEMALE bosses had said the exact same thing to me in two different occasions, which I feel like waving my middle finger in their faces.

How dare you. How dare!

You can comment on my looks, you can comment on the way I dress, you can comment on my intellectuality, you can comment on my work ethics, but NEVER ever mention them together in one sentence.

I am not stupid. I just don't want to show off, you idiot.
Because the more you know, the more humble you should be, you idiot.

And so, I was left a little bit more confused than usual.

Because I have got people, staffs to be precise, on numerous numbers of times, coming up to me, to tell me that I should change my appearance for the greater good.
They say things like, "Kalaulah saya boleh make-over Cik Ectopy..." or "Cik Ectopy patut masuk rancangan bla bla bla (some local makeover TV programmes that I have never heard of), mesti cantik..." or "Cuba kalau Ectopy pakai macam ni, buat rambut macam tu, lepas tu letak celak sikit..."

I got to think it over and I have come to a simple conclusion:

Grumpy, old, women will always be forever jealous to the younger generation, no matter how ugly they are.

There.




Me: You rasa I cantik tak?
Bf: Mestilah cantik...
Me: Habis tu, kenapa orang selalu komen pasal rupa I?
Bf: Diorang tu tak tahu menilai kecantikan...
Me: Kenapa takde lelaki suka dekat I?
Bf: Sebab diorang tahu you dah ada I.
Me: Tapi I suke je dekat lelaki walaupun diorang dah ada girlfriend/ tunang/ isteri.
Bf: Tu sebab you gatal.
Me: (Laughs)
Bf: Ada lelaki minat you, tapi diorang minat senyap-senyap...
Me: Yeke?
Bf: I tahulah, sebab you cantik.

My boyfriend always makes me happy at the end of the day.
Just because he says things that I want to hear!

Haha.

I had a bad day at work, around two weeks ago.
With me getting sick, physically, I mean, causing a little drama in the lobby with the people present at that time are mostly the people I know.

(Sigh).

Sometimes, I take more than one bag to work. But my friends were so sweet, they actually accompanied me to the eight floor, brought my bags on their shoulders (despite of them being guys) and made me safe and sound.

After we parted, one of them actually had the courtesy to message me and asked how I was doing.

I needed that. Someone who cares about me.

I spent the whole day crying and not crying and crying again. I needed my boyfriend but I didn't feel like talking, so I didn't tell my boyfriend what had happened. I only told him briefly and he thought I was fine.

I wasn't fine. I was very irritable at that time. I was sensitive, that any wrongdoing that was inflicted onto me, I took it to the heart and I felt horrible.

I was extremely scared and fragile. I was losing myself.




I had to work late that night. I thought couldn't, but I must. Two of my friends came looking for me, but I was having shower at work. Then, there they were, asking me how my day was and they suggested for pizza.

As I couldn't leave, they brought pizza for me. :)




I always consider myself lucky because I always have these wonderful friends.

Remember when I said, I only have colleagues, not friends at work?

I was wrong. I've made some really good friends.

The other day, I was at work when a friend decided to check me out at work.

My boss asked, "What is Raymond doing here?"

I thought my boss meant another Raymond, his Raymond.

I looked around, I didn't see anybody, so I continued with my work.

A few days later, my Raymond confessed that he came looking for me but he saw me busy doing work so he left without me even noticing.

Now, tell me, is that sweet or what!




The only explanation that I have for my fortune is: This is what God return to me in favour of me being so patient with my clients and staffs. My clients and staffs might be rude to me, but hey, at least I have the greatest friends on earth.

So, good deeds do make fruitful profits afterall...



The thing is, most of my good friends are guys. Not that I am very picky or tomboyish, it's just that, most of my girl friends are married and the activities that I can do with them are limited.

The sad thing is, I really want some girl friends so they can sleep over at my house the night before I get married.

It must be weird if I were to have my guy friends filling up my living room before I get married. (Imagine the situation). Haha! Lawaklah pulak...




I desperately need my boyfriend.
Me: Sekarang ni, bapa I cakap, kena kahwin tahun depan.
Bf: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab bapa I nak pergi Mekah dulu. (Laughs) Semangat gila bapa I, nak pergi Mekah minta petunjuk...
Bf: Apalah bapa you ni...Kalau nak jodoh nak buat macam mana...Betul tak?
Me: Habislah you...Kalau bapa I mimpi nampak laki lain depan Kaabah macam mana?
Bf: Takkan punya...
Me: Mana you tahu...
Bf: You ni, cakap macam tak sayang I!

:) I sayang you lah...

pretty shoes make me happy

Listening to:
Their Cell by Girl in a Coma.



Life has its ups and downs.

The best part about it is when you compared what happened during your bad times with the good times you are having.

Like yesterday, I knew I was going to have a very difficult time at work, so many things to do, but as usual, tak cukup kaki tangan, and with so many petty complaints that I need to look into (sometimes, they are not even my job, but I don't want to be calculative), I casually asked a close friend of mine:

"How long do you think before I explode? Wanna bet? 1 month? 2 months?" I said while giggling.

"I'd say...By this Friday!"

Little did I know, I had my mini explosion last night itself.

I cried to my boyfriend. I have the best, most understanding boyfriend ever. He listened and gave me encouragement. And even though he was not next to me physically, I could feel him stroking my hair trying to calm me down.

I'm glad I have my sweet friends around too. I seldom tell them what's bothering me, but sometimes I wish they know how much I appreciate it when out of nowhere, they send me SMSes to ask me out for supper or things like that. They don't know how much they've done to save me.

Do you know that it's difficult to be a nice person? Because, to be a true, genuinely nice person,
1) you shouldn't expect anything in return.
2) you shouldn't mind doing the nice things. You must always willingly to do them.
3) you have to have patience.
4) tak boleh nak mengungkit.
5) kena persistent, atau dalam Bahasa Arabnya, kena istiqamah.
6) kena consistently have a pure heart, tak boleh evil.

See...Susah okay!

Lepas tu, nanti kena pijak pijak, tapi you still have to be patient and put a smile on your face.

Whenever I feel angry at someone, I try to find a good thing about that person so I can't blame him/ her,
like, "Sejahat-jahat mulut dia pun, at least dia pakai tudung, tak macam I ni...Pahala dia lagi banyak dari I, so jangan ingat diri I ni bagus sangat nak benci-benci orang!" Lepas tu terus insaf, tapi apakan daya, diri masih nak ber'skirt'. Haha...

Oh, well, but today, I am happy. Way happier than yesterday!

I decided to wear my new, cutest shoes ever to work.

Early in the morning, I was greeted with compliments of my pretty shoes.

Heeee! I can be such a girly girl sometimes even at this age!

Seriously, those shoes have magic, everytime I look at them, I smile like a little kid getting a new toy. I'm so happy with my purchase, dah lah comel, cheap and comfortable pulak tu! Cukup 3 Cs!

The day went so well today, I can even list down the things that make me happy:

1) less work because I was stationed outside my usual workplace. Celebrate!

2) was greeted by a guy from Brunei, who said,
"Hai. Saya selalu nampak awak. Awak siapa nama?"
And then he asked me where I lived and etc.
I told him I needed to go, but he said, "Agak-agak bila awak boleh bagi number telephone?"
My answer was, "Nanti-nantilah eh?"
Heee...Then terus telefon boyfriend and excitedly told him I kena ngorat. (Giggles)

3) Was reminded by something that happened a few days before:
A crazy person, like a real crazy person, was hanging around at my workplace. So as I was doing my work, he said, "Awak banyak cantiklah!"

Jangan layan.

I went home, I told my boyfriend that I was sad because a crazy man thought I was pretty. Maksudnya, mestilah I tak cantik because if he knows what's beautiful and what not, he would have taken care of himself better and wear proper attire!

My boyfriend said, "Crazy men are honest."

I refused to listen to him, until today, I teringat dekat Alice in Wonderland. :)

4) One of my bosses actually noticed my hard work, like finally!

5) Can I mention shoes, again?

P/S: I lost RM500 today. So sad. Could have given Mother the money instead. But I am still happy. Duit cuma. Lainkali cari lagi. Even though it was totally not my fault, but I redha. I hope, whoever has MY money now, will use them wisely for good deeds.

A few weeks back, I read a blog. The blogger talked about the assignment he/ she had been given by his/ her lecturer: Write 10 words that best describe about you. Then choose the best three, and elaborate.

According to him/ her, the assignment is more difficult than it sounds. I don't have to try it to agree, but anyway, I am going to do it now, spontaneously, I promise.

Oh, my, this is going to be loooong.

Time start 0017.

1- optimistic
2- cheerful
3- split
4- adventurous
5- reasonable
6-
7-
8-
9-
10-

Time finish 0055.

Okay, I give up. I need more than one word to describe me. Like 'Split'. I am actually trying to say that I have a split personality. I couldn't find another word which carries the same meaning. The closest is 'indecisive'. But I am not really indecisive, I just have a split personality! Happy now, sad the next moment, like a bipolar person, but I don't really suffer from a bipolar psychotic behaviour disorder. I just have a split personality, understand?

Anyhow, this is an assignment. We usually have one week to complete one assignment. I'll continue later, okay?

I wrote 5 words already. But if I were to choose only 3, I don't which of them are best to describe me. I don't have the slightest idea!

This is to describe who I am. I am me, so I must know how am I like, ain't I?

The lesson here is, 'The hardest lesson is to know thyself'.







Work is crazy. Despite the craziness, I am still inspired, on random days.

Someone at work is constantly scolded. I adore her patience and her determination.

My friend told me, she once said, "Kerja tu ibadah. Biarlah orang nak marah kita pun."

Ibadah. I like that word.

Next time, whenever I feel shitty at work, I just have to remind myself, "Kalau nak buat ibadah, hati kena ikhlas."







I'm surrounded by many new colleagues and I have to bear with their myriad attitudes!

I especially hate those whose jobs are to assist me but they don't even attempt to assist me at all. Dah lah refuse to do their job, being rude to me pulak tu.

Sometimes, I feel like, "Hello, I am your boss, tolong respect sikit boleh tak?" Geram tau. I am polite to you, I even call you 'Kak', not by your pangkat (yang lebih rendah from mine), and it's not like I don't have better work to do, can't you be at least civilised to me back!

The other day, I was really hurt by this one 'Kakak'. I was in charge for other clients, but she assumed I was in charge for her clients as well. She told me that this one client was a little bit fussy. So? What am I to do? I have my clients to attend to as well.

And I wasn't like being rude to her at all. I told her, "Kakak, siapa yang in charge sini? Saya tak in charge sini lah..."

Do you know what she did next? She intentionally said this loudly, "Aku benci betullah kerja dekat sini!"

At first, I wasn't bothered at all, because I thought she directed her anger towards someone else. So, I ignored her. Besides, I thought tak baik lah nak eavedrops orang punya conversation.

Then, she began to slam the drawers, hempas-hempas files semua, while I was still there.

I kan agak optimistic, so I thought, 'Jangan perasan that she's angry with you. Entah-entah dia marah orang lain.' I tried to coax myself not to mind her attitude. Tak baik bersangka buruk.

As I was about to leave, she called me and asked to sort out her client, and she rudely asked me to. So, memang confirm lah kan...

It's either I was really patient, or I was just too tired to acknowledge her problematic behaviour.

So, I attended the client, gave some pep-talk, and the client agreed. Tak sampai dua minit pun.

Seriously, nampak sangat 'Kakak' tu was not even trying to talk to the client. Client was agreeable after talking to me. Susah sangat ke? And she dared to throw tantrums toward me, some more.

Tapi, kerja kan ibadat. Kena ikhlas.

Mungkin, suami kakak tu baru minta cerai the day before kot. Tu pasal meroyan macam orang nak menopause. Who knows kan?

I continued to do my work, keeping quiet. Sampai rumah, I malas nak cerita dekat my boyfriend, nanti bertambah tak ikhlas dan menyakitkan hati, tapi before I went to bed, I fikir, "Patutlah kau kerja sebagai orang bawahan. With attitude like that, you will never improve."

I hate to generalize sebenarnya. Because I've had very efficient assistants before, I even adore them!

I guess, that Kakak is one rotten fruit. Busuk, basi! Good thing I don't even remember your face to hold grudges on you. Kalau tak, buat tambah dosa I je.

I hope my offsprings and I will never have that kind of attitude.

When I heard about the bad news, the first thing that came to my mind was, and I did say it out loud: "Well, nasib baik dia dah kahwin..."

My other friends who were around that time were astounded by my reaction, trying to figure out the connection of being married with someone's misfortune.

"Betullah! Berkahwin tu sangat-sangat membantu tau. Adalah orang nak support, nak nangis nangis...Sekurang-kurangnya dia gembira dengan perkahwinan dia, and nothing else matters. Like who cares even if you are being laid of your job when you have a loving a husband and adorable children?"

They nodded their heads, a sign of agreeing with my statement.

"Korang tak rasa betul ke?" I asked.

"Betul lah jugak..." one of them said.

"See...Sebab tu lah I nak kahwin!"


Shit lah...I dah ada mentality everything will be better when you are married. Haha. Rasa macam dah tak independent la pulak...

(Waves hands over my head, pergi semua pemikiran kolot!)







Today morning, I woke up and decided to be all manja manja dengan boyfriend.
However, I came to realize that the relationship is well over 3 years, but I manja tak ingat dunia and my boyfriend pulak simply layan, sometimes I wonder why he layan me so much.

If I were a guy, I dah tampar tampar dah girlfriend ter over manja macam I ni. Haha.

Seriously, why would a man in his thirties play and pretend along with his girlfriend yang mengada-ngada minta dia jerit just for fun and he foolishly grants my wish.

In the end, he amuses me and as usual, I'd ask, "Kenapa you blindly ikut cakap I!"

Sometimes, I pulak rasa nak lepuk my boyfriend's head, jangan jadi bodoh boleh tak!







The truth is, I know my boyfriend when he was on top of his world. Everything was going well for him and then we met and his world became perfect. Like any other story, that don't last long.

The good thing is, he still has me but he is now no longer as well-off as he used to. It doesn't affect me, because financially, I do not depend on him, but mentally, it does and I tend to question his ability to afford me soon.

Sometimes, I ni pun teruk jugak la, I'd ask him, "Bila you nak kaya?" or "Kenapa you tak cakap dekat I yang you sebenarnya tak kaya? I would still go for you, you know, tapi takde lah I expect you kaya and get disappointed when you are actually not," or "Tak boleh ke you kaya lama tapi miskin sekejap instead the other way around?"

See, why am I so mean to him!

Entahlah. Sometimes, I feel, if he was as rich as he used to, tak payahlah I pening kepala fikir hal wedding, and my parents wouldn't have excuses not to like him.

I understand that he has set a certain amount of his savings for other things and that money can't be touched for personal spendings, tapi nak tunggu tu punye lah lama...

I cannot dwell too much about the details.

Luckily I work closely with citizens of the lower second class and the third class. Cuma kadang-kadang jadi lupa diri when surfing blog orang kaya. Haha.

My colleagues and I notice that these people (lower second class and the third class) tend to have many children. So, I told my boyfriend about it,

"Ada perempuan ni, baru 23 tahun dah ada 6 orang anak! Sekali tengok-tengok, husband dia penjaga stor. Kawan I cakap, 'No wonder, he got nothing better to do!'," I broke into laughters.

My boyfriend laughed too. Then he asked, "You rasa, kenapa diorang ni banyak anak?"

"Laaa...Kan I dah cakap tadi, sebab diorang ni takde kerja lain nak buat, lepas tu tak reti nak family planning sebab tak tahu and takde duit," I said, half-jokingly.

My boyfriend smiled, "Sebab...Tuhan tu adil. Walaupun diorang tak banyak duit, tapi diorang kaya anak..."

Okay. Cukup-cukuplah tazkirah. I main-main je lah!

Smart. I went to stalk Hunk on Facebook. And what do I get back in return?

Heartache.

I envy his life and family. He seems really happy and he loves his family (and his bike). I would love my own family too, if I am able to make one soon.

(Sigh)

I haven't talked about my wedding for a while now.

Wedding plans need a good start-up engine. I went to several bridal boutiques, but nothing has caught my eyes yet. My boyfriend was really supportive, contributing his opinions in the process, I like to see his eagerness, which sometimes I find him lacking.

Finally, I showed him my collection of wedding ideas I've saved from the Net.

"Patutlah you tak suka baju yang dekat butik-butik tadi...Taste you tinggi gila!" was his comment.

What to do? I have to live up with my reputation- the Fashion Diva.

I want the ceremony to distinguish from the rest. And I couldn't help myself that my taste is wedding dresses are rare.

And this is why I insist on tailoring a dress instead of renting it.

Hmm...But who? Who would do it within my budget?

(Sigh)

I want to get married.

And I want to have vacations with my babies.

Okay, I am so sad and depressed, I am going to call my boyfriend now.

hunk

I left my phone at home today.

Time flies fast when you are busy.

That is why I didn't miss my phone today.

I was so busy, I didn't realize everyone left and, "How the hell should I call for my ride to come?"

There were me and another colleague, who also forgot to bring her phone! What are the odds!

And she suggested to use the phone in the building to call. I refused.

Because I am anal like that. For me, phones at work are for work purposes. I wouldn't use it for personal matters. Entahlah, I have this weird sense of committing a sin if I use the properties meant for work, for my own gain.

Oh, well, since I was in a big building, I thought of waiting at the lobby as usual. For sure, someone I know would pass me by and I could simply ask to borrow his/ her phone.

As I was walking down the stairs, I saw a man in a brown jacket, dashingly walking passing the maindoor.

And of course, I would know that figure anywhere, he is, afterall, my current crush, Hunk.

I looked around in case I know anybody else in that building. I don't want to be desperate y'know. Besides he was already at least 20 metres ahead of me.

I didn't have a choice, so I yelled, "Hunk!" At the second yell, he stopped and turned his body around.

And I quickened by baby steps trying to catch up with him.

He squinted his eyes, trying to adjust his vision. Oh yeah, Hunk wears glasses, but when he's in that macho brown jacket, he would take his glasses off, ready to speed on his bike.

Gile cair gue...!

"Boleh pinjam handphone tak? I lupa bawa handphone hari ni. Kena call orang ambil dari kerja..." I said.

I told him the truth, "Tadi balik kerja lambat, tak sedar semua orang dah balik..."

He said okay and lent me his phone, which wallpaper is a photo of his newborn baby. Cute.

"Macam mana nak guna ni?" I asked. In case you didn't know, I don't like fancy phones. Phones are for calling. Cameras are for taking pictures. Laptops are for work. When they all come together, I feel cramped. I'd rather have separate apparatus designed to do its job.

"Tekan aje macam biase..."

Oh, indahnya perasaan menyukai seseorang lepas tu dapat cakap dengan orang tu...Hahaha...
I felt like a school kid having a crush on her senior and feeling high just because he talked to me.

Anyway, I thought things are gonna be short and sweet, but no, he asked me stuff and we had our own little conversation...

Until my ride arrived.

The end.

In the car, I thought of how I like his perfectly alligned teeth. How he looked ugly when I first met him but now I can totally appreciate his looks. He has a nice, sweet smile. I also I imagined how cool he is riding a big bike to work everyday.

Aaahhh! (Screams)

BTW,
I won't go too far with this little one-sided fling I am having okay.
I'm sure his wife and daughter totally deserve to have a husband/ daddy like him.
I'm just like this fan who adores a celebrity, who blushes after getting an autograph from him.

Besides, I'm leaving soon.
Goodbye crush/ Hunk.

(Only last week I thought I was over him just because he didn't eat lunch with me after he saw an empty seat at my table. I wasn't too disappointed, in fact, I kept on talking and talking with my colleagues and totally forgot about him)

At last, something refreshing: www.fashiontoast.com
I wish I would've stumbled upon the site earlier. And I want to be pretty like her!

Okay, I hate pretty ladies now just because I am not. Hmph!

And the worst part is, my things are mostly similar to what she has, just that I rarely wear them (because I'm too shy to be OTT- over the top).

That aside, I love all of her hairbands/ headgears. Whenever I want to wear something like that, my boyfriend says it's so different, people wouldn't believe what profession I go by during the day. Wah, suke hati lah, I am not that old! And I like to be different. Hmph, once more!

And the over-the-knees socks/ stockings! I love! But Mother/ Father/ boyfriend will faint if they see me in anything too short. I already received a two-hour long nagging from my dear boyfriend for wearing a skirt while hanging out with my friends the other day...

Apparently, he only approves when worn with him. Silly. Because he claims he can protect me and no hands/ eyes can go underneath. Haha.

On the other hand, www.stylecovered.com makes me wanna wear a hijab.

I'm confused. Can I choose either one according to my mood?

One thing I know- both bloggers are half Jap, half white. So not fair!



Enough girl talk.



My cat passed away a few weeks ago. What seemed like a happy family in progress (his partner just gave birth to their baby and he was a superb daddy!), ended in tragic. And that was the first time I watched keadaan nyawa nyawa ikan, my cat was gasping for air but I couldn't do anything about it.

He was sick for a long time. Since he was a baby, he had frequent visits to the vet.

And he was okay that morning. Sure, we noticed how his health was deteriorating. His body was skinny, and he was urinating so little, and he wasn't able to jump.

That night, he just laid there.

All my previous cats were either missing before we found them dead, or was hit by cars. So, that's easy goodbye.

I wasn't prepared for this. I couldn't watch him in pain, so I locked myself up in the room and cried.

I thought I didn't love him. Because I've been so heartbroken for so many times before by the death of a pet, that's why I promised myself not to get too attached to this cat. I knew I would be crushed if he was gone.

Anyway, I couldn't control my sadness and I broke down. I called my boyfriend and I sobbed. My eyes swelled up pretty badly and tears of sadness simply fell down on my face like a kid.

He couldn't walk for at least 12 hours. His breath was short and he couldn't eat.

I thought he may have had stroke or something.

This experience has totally changed my view on euthanasia.



[Definition: The act of a physician or other third party ending a patient's life in response to severe pain and suffering.

The act or practice of ending the life of an individual suffering from a terminal illness or an incurable condition, as by lethal injection or the suspension of extraordinary medical treatment.]



I used to be against enthanasia/ mercy killing as I believe, as a Muslim, we shouldn't play God.

They argue, we are actually making the death easier by administrating drugs that are lethal and death would be sudden and not prolonged. According to them, mercy killing is actually making the death less painful.

First of all, how do you know death is not painful? Have you ever experienced it? In Islam, death is the most painful thing a human can feel. I don't believe in any drug that could make it less painful.

I won't elaborate further more on this matter, but what I want to say is, after seeing my cat suffering,

I realized I was praying to God to just snatch his life away rather than letting him be miserable and in pain but alive.

Isn't that a wishful thinking for supporting mercy killing?

I am disgusted at myself.
I should've prayed like Mother thought me a very long time ago- I was about 9 or 10 years old when a distant relative was commatose in the hospital:
Dear God, if he is best alive, let him live, but if he is best dead, let him die.

After seeing my cat, I thought, maybe, just maybe, I am one for mercy killing.

:(






Speaking of cats, I've been nicknamed by colleague- Kucing.

"You are just like a kucing," he said.

"Kucing is good. I'm alright with cats. Cats are cute!" I exclaimed, thinking it was a compliment.

"No, you are like those street cats. You know, the kind which wander at the stalls, then mewing asking for food, thinking it's cute..."

Why am I like that so suddenly?!

He said, "Because you always ask for food. You eat and eat but you are not fat, I really think there cacing in your tummy!"

I explained that I know my body is not sexy and I, myself, am not happy at my body shape. I wish I had more flesh like I used to. You know, the kind that falls at the right places, my bums and my boobies...

I've always been flat. But now I am flatter than ever.

It has been the 3rd week since he has nicknamed me Kucing.

"Hoi, Kucing!" he greeted me early one morning.

I smiled back at him and said, "Meow..."

And we broke into early morning laughter. What a way to start a long day at work.






P/S:
I saw my crush coming back from work today. I straight away called my boyfriend.

"Tengah buat apa tu?" he asked.
"I tengah...Tengok budak yang I suke tu! Hehehe..."
"Oh, budak yang suka tu...Jangan tengok lama-lama tau," he requested.
"Dia balik pakai jaket la. I rasa dia pergi kerja naik motor la...Wow, I jatuh cinta! Bila you nak naik motor?"

My boyfriend laughed, "Yeke? I pun naik motor kadang-kadang!"
"I tanak you naik motor kapcai okay!" I whined.
"Siapa kata I naik motor kapcai? I naik Ducati, handsome macam Brad Pitt!"

Major perasan! If he ever had a Ducati, I'd be forcing him to send me to and fro my workplace. Gila hot tertonggek atas motor macam Megan Fox dalam Transformer 2.

a day's work

Currently, there's a new hunk in the department and I'm way too attracted to him!

It wasn't love at first sight. We spent one day together (work-related) and I'm beginning to see the charisma in him.

I shared the news with my other colleagues and that was the first time my colleagues got to evaluate my taste in man.

"Ectopy, he's ugly!" my friend told me.

I know he's not good looking, but he's not thaaat bad looking! I even explained to my friends that they have to spend one day with him to discover the sweetness in him.

Only those who have THE eyes can see it, only those who have THE sense can feel it.
Haha.

However, he's married. With a kid some more.

I accidentally found out more about his background, and I could see the similarities between him and my boyfriend.
No wonder I'm so attracted to him!

The thing is, I just couldn't help myself from being attracted to him! Argh! It's been long since I last had a huge crush on a guy like this. I hope it'll die off soon because
he is married!

Now I know how it is like to be attracted to a married man.

If his wife ever finds out that her husband has an admirer, I hope she will take it as a compliment instead of a threat.




Today, at work, my colleague told me, "Ectopy, you always have a different view."
Another colleague said, "Ectopy, I never see you get panicked."

You see, we had a huge thing going on this morning and everyone whose involved was sweating and worrying.

I did worry and I did get panicked, I felt my heart was pounding, but somehow the emotions didn't reflect physically by my facial expression.

Besides, what else could I do? Cry? Smile sajalah...

Smile and eat quietly. And looking at things positively. That's when the comment of- me having a different view- given.

Oh-kay. I didn't realize that my view was quite different from the general population.

Perhaps that's why I wasn't very impressed by the book Tuesdays With Morrie. I don't consider it as an eye-opener. I've always had an optimistic outlook towards life like Morrie.

This attitude has probably been strengthened since I met my boyfriend.

Look, the way we see it, if we lost something valuable or something precious have been taken away, it's okay. They are just things. We could replace them.
It doesn't mean that we don't appreciate them, it's just that, replacing an object is a small matter and it shouldn't cause unnecessary distress in our life.

For example, somebody hit the car. It's alright. The person was stupid, of course, (for hitting my car), but it was an accident, he/she never intended it to happen and I'm probably at fault too, although very minimal.
Yang penting, we can always repair the car. Or buy a new one. And yes, mana nak cari duit. But guess what, we can always find money. Rezeki kan berada di mana-mana. So no way I'm gonna waste my time and energy regretting for what had happened and spending money on something that should've been avoided.

It's just money lah. Tak payah nak berkira sangat. Tak payah nak rasa rugi. In fact, in Islam, we are encouraged to spend our wealth (ke jalan kebenaranlah in this context). That's why, we have zakat and zuhud.

We shouldn't think too much about money and materials. It makes us greedy, it makes us stingy, it makes us arrogant.




Shit. Suddenly teringat balik dekat my crush, which from now on, I'd call Hunk. Haha.
Hunk is going to be temporary. I know myself. It will die off sooner or later.

In the meanwhile, should I continue admiring Hunk, or should I do something to make myself unlike him? Should I enjoy this harmless excitement at the workplace?
I think I know the answer.
I plan to proceed.

Haha.