1. Managed to secure the Coldplay concert tickets, but annoyed at how many days they are performing in Singapore. From 4 days, to 5 days to 6 days...WTH! Betul ke fans diorang ramai ni, yg sanggup spend that much of money, or we, Asians just love to over glorify them white, we are obviously still mentally colonized! Guys! Ugh, I'm disgusted at myself...Such ick now...

They better give 100% at each show. I'm not so very excited now...The hotel rates gonna shoot up...

Well, I hope the foreign people going to Singapore would come and boost the Malaysian economy as well. Tolonglah jejak kaki to Malaysia, explore the other side...

2. You know how I have a different crush every few months? Hehe...Been obsessing with this guy for like, a month, now. Handsome lah budak niii...Can't say his name because he's too young, hahaha...Sedar diri I dah tua...

Anyway, I hope he shows a side of him that would turn me off, soon. Because, seriously, penat tau jadi peminat ni...

3. My son ni kan, kadang-kadang betul-betul mencabar kesabaran I. But I know, he has a soft spot for me. Apa-apa pun, mesti Mommy. Unlike my daughter, who claims she has multiple boyfriends- this, she gets from me, hahaha...My son, on the other hand, hates girls...He even says he doesn't want to get married ever, he just wants to take care of me.

For our anniversary, my husband gave me a bouquet of flowers. Imagine my shock when suddenly, my son said he wanted to give those flowers to his girlfriend. Who is your girlfriend? I immediately asked. "You. You are my girlfriend." Awww...Nasib baik. I ingatkan dia dah berubah fikiran.

Tapi tu lah. Sebab my son ni Mommy's boy sangat, I kena berjaga-jaga what's coming out from my mouth when I get angry. Kalau silap cakap, I know I will hurt him deeply, because he really listens and looks up to me. Tapi tu lah kan, bila dah marah, usually pasal his schoolwork, eee...geram sangat. I ni memang nerd lah, kalau pasal schoolwork, I memang cepat betul triggered.

I kena paham, anak I ni late bloomer sikit.

I doakan anak-anak I berjaya dunia akhirat, because they truly deserve the success. Anak-anak yang sangat baik dan memuliakan I sebagai ibu.

I bukan lah nak perasan ke apa, but I am happy with the progress that I've made so far. I feel like Allah really listens to my pleas and has guided me, I feel so blessed. I finally feel like He really loves me and wants me to be in heaven with Him.

Before this, I had always feel like I didn't deserve anything from Him. I was aware that my life was not bad at all, but I thought He was just ignoring me. Last Ramadhan, I realized He had tested me with the hardest challenge of all! How stupid was I...

I pray that this momentum continues. Iman goes up and down, and I hope I will never stray too far from Him ever again.

Just a reminder to all of us. No matter how insignificant and sinful we think we are, just keep on doa. Doa, doa, doa because Allah loves those who make doa to Him. Doa as much as you can, doa for anything even though it is so silly, just doa. Remember, Allah tu Maha Baik, He will forgive all of our sins, InsyaAllah.

And, if your doa is not granted here, it will be granted in paradise. Allah is so perfect, He never breaks His promises.

Lost the Coldplay battle and quite annoyed because I think those who somehow able to purchase are not actual fans. Haha. Like, you tak tau pun lagu diorang, you tak beli pun album diorang, you tak tahu pun history diorang...

Got my hope high because

- Ramai orang comment tak cukup duit sebab baru raya

- Coldplay ni Millennials punya zaman

- Tickets are quite pricey. Kids can't afford them, right?

- Wednesday night concert. Budak-budak pergi sekolah

Tapi...

Sad lah jugak...But not too sad because I didn't actually use a lot of laptops/ PCs, as I was working yesterday and today...So, tak focus sangat. I attended meetings in between, entertaining clients etc, as usual. Siap pergi beraya...

And maybe, bukan rezeki I kot...Mana tau, tiba tiba menang contest pula lepas ni? Hahaha...

It's okay, mana tau kalau tiba tiba ada second day concert. But, so hard, cause Malaysia panassss...Pengsan Mat Salleh tu nanti.

Tu je lah. There must be a better plan for me. Kena pergi holiday overseas time tu, to mend this broken heart...

Hish. I dah siap hype my kids dah pasal Mommy nak jumpa boyfriend. Sigh. My son hugged me after I told him that I didn't get the tickets. Kids are always so very supportive of me. Diorang layan je Mommy...Husband prefers Metallica, so, he really doesn't care.

My daughter realized that she can now read better.

I applauded for her achievement.

Me: Awww...Baby H! Well done, you can read faster now!

Baby H: *Proudly smiles* Why am I better now?

Me: Because you practice every day! You use DuoABC and you go to school...

Baby H: Bukanlah, Mommy...It's because you doa for me. You pray every day kan...

And that's a lesson from my kid. Alhamdulillah.

We went to visit my aunt and was served with pegaga drink. It was green as the grass. My daughter didn't mind it but my son was like, "Ew, what's this? Tak sedap!" I told him it's a type of detox drink.

He repeated himself, "Tak sedap, Mommy!" I gave him the eye to shut him up. Unfortunately, my cousin saw our body language and chuckled.

Just now, after dinner, I approached my son in his room.

Me: Abang K, can I tell you something?

Son: Apa?

Me: If you eat something, but it's tak sedap, just don't say anything. Diam je.

Son: Oh, I knew that.

Me: ....You knew? Then, why did you complaint?

Son: Mana ada!

Me: Remember when you said the green drink tak sedap?

Son: Oh. But you told me not to lie! So, I told you the truth! Mommy ni! 🤨

Me: Just...If you don't like it, don't say anything.

Then he ran out of the room to continue playing his mobile games.

P/s:

Do not serve detox drink to kids.

Was excited to watch Big Fish because

1) I think Ewan McGregor is cute and I'm a fan since Moulin Rouge, love his blue eyes...

2) Great review and I had never watched it before

Decided to Google Ewan McGregor and found out he was in a messy divorce. Like, what...Such a turn off...

Separation and falling out of love might be inevitable. Especially among the celebrities...But you don't have to make it messy...

That information made such a big impact, that I don't find him desirable anymore! Hahaha...See, I don't like people just because of the way they look! I watched Big Fish and suddenly, he is not as attractive as before, and I was not as excited to see him on screen as I did.

Suddenly, I didn't enjoy the movie even though I know the movie is my kind of film.

Awww...What a shame. Tua dah si Ewan ni...

Today, I want to document the failure and success of me as a mom.

I sent my son a normal kindergarten school. Bukan Islamic punya. Because I knew later in his life, he won't be having many friends outside of his race, logistically speaking. And I thought, it was good to expose him to interact with Chinese speakers. He had tuition for Iqra' 3 times a week in the afternoon.

And then, we enrolled him to a private sekolah agama integrasi. Great, right. Here, he can learn to hafal and understand Al-Fatihah, learn how to solat...I remember I learned how to solat when I was about 9 years old, and I'm fine.

This year, I caught him still tak hafal doa Tahiyatul Awal and Akhir. 🥴

I hardly can believe this. I mean, sometimes he came home telling me that he became the imam for his class. And...Sekolah agama for 3 freaking years!

This came about because I started to tell him to complete his solat at home. Previously, he only solat in school and on and off at home. He followed us solat, so I always thought he knew.

So, now that I've become a little bit stricter about solat, I am always reminding him to correct his solat. Like, stand properly, sit correctly, do your ruku' straight, say your words clearly, don't just baca dalam hati!

And when I wanted to test his bacaan, then I realized he tak hafal lagi! He dah hafal sekarang, Alhamdulillah.

Just now, before sleep, I advised him- Abang K, you kena solat betul betul. Jangan skip solat. After you died, the first thing Allah will ask you, is about your solat. Don't be like me. I used to skip my solat and I'm in so much debt now. I want to go to heaven and I want you to be in heaven. If you solat, you will become successful.

"Aren't you successful, Mommy?"

"I'll be a lot more successful if I didn't skip solat."

I continued to advise him- Remember to berdiri tegak. Jangan gerak-gerak. Kalau solat jemaah, even though Imam baca Al-Fatihah, you still have to recite your fatihah. Kena baca until you hear yourself. I'm telling you this because I didn't know when I was small. Don't make the same mistakes like I did.

"Oh, I hear myself in my heart."

"No! You recite until you hear yourself in the ears!"

"Oh. Mommy, why I tak pandai solat? Sekarang baru pandai?"

So, I explained- Maybe, sebab you were not in Tadika Agama. And, during MCO, you didn't go to school, belajar online je. Teachers thought you knew, and teachers thought you solat at home, but you didn't. But it's okay, now you know.

"Okay, Mommy. Can you baca doa pandai for me?"

So, I recited to him the first 4 ayats of Surah Ar-Rahman.

I'm such a bad mom, kan?

Anak staff I, baru 4 tahun, tapi dah hafal doa Tahiyat.

I balik Malaysia because I didn't know how to raise a family there. I bukan alim sangat, entah-entah lagi hanyut. I didn't even have the courage to start covering overseas. It would be awkward if suddenly one day I walk in with a tudung, right? Nak bangun ambil wudhu masa winter for Subuh prayer pun dah cukup struggle. Banyak pahala diorang. So much respect for Muslims there, pahala jihad hari-hari. It's easier in Malaysia. Tapi itu pun I didn't make sure my son know his basic. I'm a bad mom.

But, it's okay. I am counting my blessings. Alhamdulillah dapat anak yang mendengar kata. Lepas ni, kena start ajar solat Subuh pulak. Kena hafal doa qunut pula. Doa Iftitah pun anak I tak hafal lagi. Tapi tak apa kan, slowly but surely.

Mungkin ini cara Allah nak bagi pahala pada I. Anak I belajar bacaan solat dari ibunya sendiri. 😥 Oh, my heart, sebaklah pulak...Oh, Allah, please forgive us and Alhamdulillah for this opportunity.

I feel like I post more about my daughter on IG. But, that's okay, because now, I feel like I write more about my son on the blog.

My son ni special. Memang selalu nampak garang, kasar, cakap pun jerit jerit. Tapi softie inside. I notice whenever I ask him to do something, no matter how he much he does not like it, he always says okay. Obedient. Unlike his sister, often playfully says no.

I was unwell yesterday. On my menses, feeling yucky about myself, achy all over because of the vaccine...But I needed to do laundry. My son immediately stopped playing on his laptop, and helped me carry the laundry. Like, how sweet is that, I did not even ask. I said thank you and kissed him on the head and of course, told him that he was a good boy.

I feel so blessed. Both of kids are good kids. I don't even remember being this well-behaved when I was young. I remember my mom was often annoyed by me, though.

Today, I was all depressed and my son stayed by side trying to make me feel better. My daughter did too, they were both hugging me and rubbed my back. I guess because my son is slightly older, he understands me more. My children are really caring and takes care of me.

I am so grateful that sometimes, I don't feel I deserve them. 

I've just started to teach my son not to miss his prayers. I know, late, but he's going to be 10 this year, it's okay, we go slow and steady...So far, solat semua except for Subuh. Tak apalah, we'll try for 3-6 months, then we'll start Subuh pulak. That's the plan...

Initially, we solat together. But, then, he began to become impatient. He's saying that I'm too slow...Tak apalah, yang penting not to miss solat. Perfection, sincerity, khusyu' dan hidayah tu kita slow...Budak kan...Berdiri tegak pun masih tak reti duduk diam.

Anyway, I couldn't pray because I'm menstruating. So, I told him, I have my period, please solat without me. He knew about girls bleed from their vaginas from his teenager cousins...

Today, he asked:

- Macam mana Mommy tau Mommy period?

Well, I saw blood on my undies.

- Sakit ke Mommy?

Some girls get pain, but I don't.

- Semua girls period ke hari ni?

Eh, tak lah. We get period every month on random days.

- Kenapa boys tak period?

Sebab boys don't give birth. If you get your period, it means you are not pregnant. But, if you don't get your period, it means a baby is growing in your womb.

- Oh, you are bleeding because the baby is killed? The baby died, that's why blood coming out!

Hhmm...Sorta. Now, go to sleep. Good night.

I acknowledge that my son is not a Maths whiz. Which makes me a bit frustrated because I used to love Maths, and I always find it to be the easiest subject. I mean, once you know it, you know. Just throw whatever numbers, use the correct formulas, and done, instant results!

That's why I am a little bit hard on him. I could not understand why he doesn't count as fast as when I was his age. Primary Maths are just patterns. I get pretty annoyed because he could not recognize the patterns unless I really show him.

One day, his teacher told me he was falling behind. He didn't do his homework for months. I was furious. After much interrogation, I found out he stopped understanding the subject after he missed one week of school due to COVID-19 infection.

I was disappointed in myself, my son, and his teacher. I mean, he goes to a private school with only 20 students in his class. Why can't his teacher make sure he understand! Ugh, so annoying.

And began the episodes of me drilling him, making sure he understands all the topics. There were many episodes of crying, me losing my temper and saying inappropriate things to my son, hurting his feelings along the way. And that's why I'm upset when I had to be his teacher. I have no patience. When I'm in my teacher mode, I become a perfectionist. No mistakes are allowed. Nothing is ever good enough. Even when he gets all correct, I would still not be satisfied with his timing for answering the questions.

At one point, my son thought I didn't love him and thought he was stupid. He cried and I embraced him. I apologized and told him to yell the safe word if he thinks I've gone too far. Then, I told him that Mommy wasn't mad at him, 'teacher Mommy' did. So...

When I taught him, he began to understand and find Maths to be easier that he thought. I was like- Didn't your teacher teach you like this? Didn't your teacher show you like this?

He would tell me- No. Teacher ajar susah! Mommy ajar senang!

Seriously...

He sat for his Maths exam and today, his teacher announced the result.

He was super happy that he got 72%. I was like..."Hhmm...That's a B."

"But I passed, Mommy! Only 3 boys passed!" He said so proudly.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that that's not good enough. Everybody should get an A for Primary Maths because it's gonna get harder.

Anyway, I let him have his moment. I mean, he was over the moon. Like, wow, what an achievement for him, it's cute.

Before bed, as usual, we talk, just the two of us.

Apparently, 9 boys failed. The lowest was 11%. He is the sixth highest in class. The highest 3 are all girls, highest being 89%, nobody got A+. All girls passed except one.

The boys even created a Failed Corner- you can only enter if you failed.

Seriously, what school is thissss...What is wrong with his teacher! I hope he gets a different Maths teacher when he enters Standard 4!

Hahaha...Nak tergelak pun ada. Like, oh, my dear son, I wonder how you'd feel in a public school, where you have to compete with 40 students, or 300 students in your batch.

Seeing his excitement today, I am happy for him. Maybe I need to learn to lower my expectation. I just need to accept that my son is not a Maths whiz, he's a Geography whiz. His General Knowledge far exceeds mine when I was his age.

I hope he knows that I'm proud of him nevertheless. Bless his innocent soul- 72% is excellent...Hahaha...In the real world, 72% is only average, who's gonna tell him...