4th day of 2020 and suddenly I'm feeling all depressed.

Depression is bad because it makes you forget about all the good things had happened and you should be grateful of.

The thing about me is- I think I can be better than I am. Like, I was once so good  at my job, it's just sad to see me ending up like this. I couldn't help but feel all those pity eyes looking at me- how could she end up like this. I had a bright future ahead of me. But other people have passed me, I'm so left behind now...

And nothing I can do about it. Because I am traumatised and I'm that person who you should not idolised, because I don't have the grit in me. I am not successful enough.

Sigh.

Anyway, on the other hand, because of all this, I have a lot more time to spend with the kids. I am always, always thankful of that. (But all other successful people also get to spend time with their kids, so I am not that special, you see. They can do it all, but not me).

Oh, well, this is my life. No complaints. It's okay. It's not that bad.

And for 2020,
I pray and wish
- to become a better Muslim
- to read more books (I've stopped reading leisurely a long, long time ago because I thought I needed to put my priorities straight. What a big mistake)
- to read Quran regularly, if possible, every day
- to understand the content of Quran. I never read the Quran translation, what a shame!
- to learn how to cook properly
- to make sure the house is complete

So, okay. That was short.

Writing is always good. It shifts your focus. Now, I am less depressed.