Monday, October 19, 2015

My son bit my nipple in his sleep and it made me cry.

It hurt physically, but it also opened to all the emotions I had bottled up inside of me.

I am no superwoman. For me, it is so difficult to be
- a mother
- a pregnant woman
- a part time student
- a working mom
all at the same time.

And I'm not even doing my duty as a wife since my husband is away most of the time.

What's worse is when you fail in every aspect...

I am a bad mother because my son still doesn't have a regular bedtime at 2 years old plus. I want him to sleep at 10, but he needs his milk before bed, and he only drinks his bottle when he's in Mother's lap- very specific...I can't force Mother to follow my schedule because it is her house and she already helps so much to take care of my son. So, my son and I would usually wait for Mother to come up to the room to serve milk for my son. By then, it is already past his bedtime, and he becomes high and super active! Mother would blame me for not being able to put my son to sleep, and what shall I reply to that?

There's also my 7-year-old niece who would ask my son to play with her before sleep. They sleep together because I'm teaching my son to sleep in a separate room before the baby arrives. Even though my son is already comfortable to sleep without me, but he still needs me to fall asleep, and I waste so much time waiting for him to be tired. An average of 2 hours every single day. I can't imagine how it would be when I have two kids to put to bed.

Sure, I have the maid. Although she wants to be helpful, but she's pretty useless. She cleans the house, yes, but other than that, my son refuses her, especially when I'm around. My maid gets more rest for me, oftentimes she told Mother that she's bored because there's nothing to do. She's not great with the kids, she has kids herself but she just doesn't know how to act silly with the kids. Mother said, no wonder she's able to leave her own kids behind in Indonesia...

I am trying to toilet train my son, but Mother thinks he's too young for it. In my mind, I don't want to train him with the baby later! For the past 2 days, he had only went to the toilet to pee once. Once. He had more accudents than successful attempts. I think it has not been so great because I am the only one who watches him like a hawk. He peed when I was praying, when I was eating, basically when there was nobody to watch him. And tomorrow, the training should be put on a halt because hello, I am working tomorrow...

Let's talk about being pregnant. I needed to the sugar test but it was awful. Blood was withdrawn, I drank 3/4 of the cup, then I gagged and threw up all of it. I have no other choice but to repeat the awful sugar test again!

I am also nauseated every time I take that stupid Obimin pill. I've stopped for 2 days, but then, whenever I feel tired, I am scared it's because of low blood, because the last I checked, my blood was 11.4, but I also feel like crap if I take the Obimin.

With all the things going on, I also have an upcoming exam. The truth is, how can I study when my time is so occupied. Miraculously, I did pass the paper, and for the next one, please let me pass, oh God! I have been depressed for so many times, wanting to quit oh so frequently, but I am still here, calling myself a student. Every day, I feel guilty for not studying, feel inferior because I know less...

I do have seniors and bosses who have made it. They even have twins plus 1kid and become the top scorer of the class. Perhaps, they are geniuses. One of my bosses said I should spend at least 2 hours every day to study. WTF! I don't have 2 hours and I don't even cook or clean. My 2 hours are spent on the road. Another 2 hours spent just to get my son to fall asleep. FML.

What depresses me more is when I know a lot of people my age who are already done and over with it because they stayed overseas. In my heart, I know staying abroad is not a good choice, I may get lost, y'know, I am so prone to that...But in my head, I keep comparing myself to them, because I am a natural competitor, even though I am so tired to compete already...And it's not like I stand a chance of winning...

Now, what a failure I am.

So, tonight, I cried because I feel like a failure. I can't do anything right...

-------

At least I have a great husband and a great life lah, okay...Tu je to compensate my sadness. Hehehe...

5 comments:

Hampshire Mummy said...

May ease come your way from Him, Ms Ectopy. Amin.

Try asking for Pramilet from your obgyn? Obimin used to make me really sick too.

Hang in there! Rooting for your success in every aspect.

farah said...

hi dear,

my obgyn said kalau pening makan sebelum tidur, that lifesaving tip for me :)

Lady Mira said...

Really understand your situation. Virtual hugs to you {{{ HUGS }}}
May Allah ease everything for you. Take care ectopy!

Master Sgp said...

kami sekeluarga tak lupa mengucapkan puji syukur kepada ALLAH S,W,T
dan terima kasih banyak kepada AKI atas nomor togel.nya yang AKI
berikan 4 angka 3696 alhamdulillah ternyata itu benar2 tembus AKI.
dan alhamdulillah sekarang saya bisa melunasi semua utan2 saya yang
ada sama tetangga.dan juga BANK BRI dan bukan hanya itu AKI. insya
allah saya akan coba untuk membuka usaha sendiri demi mencukupi
kebutuhan keluarga saya sehari-hari itu semua berkat bantuan AKI..
sekali lagi makasih banyak ya AKI… bagi saudara yang suka main togel
yang ingin merubah nasib seperti saya silahkan hubungi AKI ALIH,,di no (((0823 1366 9888)))
insya allah anda bisa seperti saya…menang togel 275
juta, wassalam.


dijamin 100% jebol saya sudah buktikan...sendiri....




Apakah anda termasuk dalam kategori di bawah ini !!!!


1"Dikejar-kejar hutang

2"Selaluh kalah dalam bermain togel

3"Barang berharga anda udah habis terjual Buat judi togel


4"Anda udah kemana-mana tapi tidak menghasilkan solusi yg tepat


5"Udah banyak Dukun togel yang kamu tempati minta angka jitunya
tapi tidak ada satupun yang berhasil..


Solusi yang tepat jangan anda putus asah.... AKI ALIH akan membantu
anda semua dengan Angka ritwal/GHOIB:
butuh angka togel 2D 3D 4D SGP / HKG / MALAYSIA / TOTO MAGNUM / dijamin
100% jebol
Apabila ada waktu
silahkan Hub: AKI ALIH: (((0823 1366 9888)))

KLIK RAMALAN TOGEL 4D 5D 6D


angka GHOIB: singapur 2D/3D/4D/


angka GHOIB: hongkong 2D/3D/4D/


angka GHOIB; malaysia


angka GHOIB; toto magnum 4D/5D/6D/


angka GHOIB; laos





































kami sekeluarga tak lupa mengucapkan puji syukur kepada ALLAH S,W,T
dan terima kasih banyak kepada AKI atas nomor togel.nya yang AKI
berikan 4 angka 3696 alhamdulillah ternyata itu benar2 tembus AKI.
dan alhamdulillah sekarang saya bisa melunasi semua utan2 saya yang
ada sama tetangga.dan juga BANK BRI dan bukan hanya itu AKI. insya
allah saya akan coba untuk membuka usaha sendiri demi mencukupi
kebutuhan keluarga saya sehari-hari itu semua berkat bantuan AKI..
sekali lagi makasih banyak ya AKI… bagi saudara yang suka main togel
yang ingin merubah nasib seperti saya silahkan hubungi AKI ALIH,,di no (((0823 1366 9888)))
insya allah anda bisa seperti saya…menang togel 275
juta, wassalam.


dijamin 100% jebol saya sudah buktikan...sendiri....




Apakah anda termasuk dalam kategori di bawah ini !!!!


1"Dikejar-kejar hutang

2"Selaluh kalah dalam bermain togel

3"Barang berharga anda udah habis terjual Buat judi togel


4"Anda udah kemana-mana tapi tidak menghasilkan solusi yg tepat


5"Udah banyak Dukun togel yang kamu tempati minta angka jitunya
tapi tidak ada satupun yang berhasil..


Solusi yang tepat jangan anda putus asah.... AKI ALIH akan membantu
anda semua dengan Angka ritwal/GHOIB:
butuh angka togel 2D 3D 4D SGP / HKG / MALAYSIA / TOTO MAGNUM / dijamin
100% jebol
Apabila ada waktu
silahkan Hub: AKI ALIH: (((0823 1366 9888)))

KLIK RAMALAN TOGEL 4D 5D 6D


angka GHOIB: singapur 2D/3D/4D/


angka GHOIB: hongkong 2D/3D/4D/


angka GHOIB; malaysia


angka GHOIB; toto magnum 4D/5D/6D/


angka GHOIB; laos

IBU,FITRI SULISTIAWATI said...

Saya sekeluarga mengucapkan banyak trima kasih kepada AKI MUPENG karena atas bantuannyalah saya bisa menang togel dan nomor gaib hasil ritual yang di berikan AKI MUPENG bener-bener dijamin tembus dan saat sekarang ini kehidupan saya sekeluarga sudah jauh lebih baik dari sebelumnya itu semua berkat bantuan AKI kini hutang-hutang saya sudah pada lunas semua dan.sekarang saya sudah buka usaha sendiri. jika anda mau bukti bukan rekayasa silahkan hubungi/sms AKI MUPENG di 0852 9445 0976, atau KLIK DISINI, insya allah angka beliau di jamin tembus dan beliau akan menbantu anda selama 3x putaran berturut-turut akan memenangkan angka togel dan ingat kesempatan tidak datang 2x,trima kasih.