Although I've been missing from writing in this blog, I still read your blogs and believe me, there had been numerous times I wanted to drop a comment or two, but too bad, it's just too complicated (for me at least) when I do it on my phone...A sign that I'm getting old-er?
Many things had happened, and as much as I wanted to share a piece of my mind regarding the matters, often times, I'd rather use my free time to tidy up the house a bit or play with my baby. That's called putting my priorities where they belong, chewahhh...
Work is crazyyy...13 days non-stop. Buruh pun tak macam ni kot. Sigh. I don't know lah. I mean, this is the path that I choose, I can't complaint too much about it lah. But I really thought it would get better when I am higher on the hierarchy, takde maknanya...Rumah macam kapal pecah sebab 13 hari terbiar. Kalau gaji banyak, tak apa juga kan? I pun tak tahu I kerja susah susah untuk apa sebenarnya. I work because this is the responsibility I commit myself to, and if I don't do it accordingly, it is haram.
Paling menyedihkan is when my breastmilk is diminishing, both my stocks in the freezer and in my body. I initially plan to at least replace what's been consumed over the weekend, but when you have to also work on the weekends, you tell me how lah...Of course, I salute my colleagues who manage to do it. Not just salute, malah iri hati. Here I am, pumping at least 4 times per day, most of the time, 5 times per day, and if I'm not too tired, 6 times per day, but I still can't produce mencurah-curah like them. Dapat 8-10oz je, while baby is taking 12oz if I leave him from 8am to 5pm. Orang lain tu, sekali pump je dapat 8oz!
I want their breats!
Kata milk production will increase with frequent pumping! Tipu je...It also depends on your body, I guess. Maybe that's why some people just can't...Tapi I bersyukur lah. I will breastfeed my baby as long as I can, jika ditakdirkan tak boleh, kena redha. I will do a divided short term target, for now, 6 months!
This in turn, put a stress on me. Banyak rasa terkilan je...Like, if my baby wants more milk, I tell his baby sitter don't give him more, she probably thinks I'm such a bad mother for letting him go hungry. I know better, sometimes my baby doesn't want more, he just cries because he misses me, wants to suckle my nipples, maybe he is uncomfortable because you carry him wrongly, etc.
Even though I limit his daily intake to 12oz over 9 hours, at 3 months, my baby weighed 6.7kg. Woohoo...Badan tak berketul-ketul pun, he's simply a tall baby...Character boleh tahan ganas, memang boy sangat! Pandai demand attention. The presence of a familiar voice is not enough for him, mesti kena duduk depan mata dia jugak! Dah start gigit gigit, pandai roll over, dah start drooling (euw), but hasn't reach out for things yet.
I think I am the only one who can understand him and knows how to play with him. I'm so proud of myself. Walaupun busy with work, my baby still wants me, terharu sangat...
Apa lagi nak cerita? Banyak lagi! Tapi sambung di kemudian hari lah...
4 hours ago