Thursday, October 10, 2013

1) Susah eh nak jalan-jalan ada budak kecik ni?

I don't mind nursing in public. It's just that my husband and I can no longer concentrate on our shopping. Tak boleh tenung and fikir lama-lama when deciding which to buy. Baby's sleeping, good, good, now let's get out of here before he wakes up!

2) When Baby KR was born, he was so good, he latched on my breasts without a struggle. I remember when I first realized that my other breast would leak when he nursed. I thought, "Apa basah ni?" Siap tengok ceiling takut-takut ada paip bocor, haha. Oh, ini ke rupa rupanya 'let down'? Didn't last long though. I thought I had enough milk, I even thought of expressing some of my breastmilk and give it to people who can't breastfeed.

One of my earliest mistakes is I didn't express as early as possible.

You see, I was at Mother's house. And Mother's refrigerator is always full! And even if I managed to pump that early, how am I going to take them all back to my current place? Bukannya dekat...I could avoid this problem if I return to my house soon enough, instead of spending my entire confinement period at Mother's place.

So, I began pumping but the result is disappointing. I don't know lah. Is it the breastpump? Am I not pumping frequent enough? Am I doing it wrongly? Is it just me?

Sometimes, I pump up to 6 times per day, but I only managed 6 oz at most, and that, my dear friends, with DOUBLE pumping, 15 minutes each session! They say it will get better as time goes by. Tak ada perubahan besar pun!

At one occasion, after 5 days of trying, I only got drops of breastmilk. Haaa...I got so emotional, I cried, I found reasons to blame my husband, then I covered myself under the duvet and let my husband take charge of the baby for about half an hour. I was that depressed.

Lepas tu, I took Maxolon. Adalah perubahan sikit. I take one per day instead of three times. Takutlah, orang cakap depression is one of the side effects. My fenugreek pills just arrived today, so lets see if it works.

Despite all my work, my menses resumed. What's wrong with my body? I seem to be sending wrong signals to my systems!

So far, he is still being exclusively breastfed. I don't know how long can it last. If I leave for work, from 8am to 5pm, how much breastmilk should I leave him with? 12 oz? I can't produce that much! :(

3) I am quite reluctant to give my baby to my MIL to be taken care of while I am at work. The supposed person changed her mind. I wanted to put my baby in a nursery but my husband doesn't trust the nursery.

I don't know whether my MIL knows how to handle my breastmilk. Orang dulu-dulu mana reti kan...Dahlah her dominant hand is not strong. She is still under physiotherapy treatment. She broke her arm and was advised for surgery, but she refused. Cannot lah cloth diapering macam ni. Plus, she has another grandson to be take care of.

And what if I don't agree with her ways? Kalau dengan orang nursery tu, boleh lah I sound sound direct je.

And with her condition, I don't want her to do extra for me. My MIL is super nice, I know she will cook lah, she will tidy up the house lah, fold the clothes lah, I just know she will okay...It's not that I don't appreciate her kindness, but it will make me feel guilty. And I really want to be a supermom, so I want to do all the work myself. Besides, I have my own way of doing things.

My husband says it is temporary until we find a helper. Harap-harap paling lama pun sebulan je...

4) Now that I am home with my son, I still don't have the time to cook lunch. Pelik kan? Kemas rumah pun jarang-jarang, itupun I have to stretch the hour.

Then, I terfikir, susahnya jadi orang gaji. Kena jaga anak orang. And your boss expects you to cuci baju, sidai baju, lipat baju, kemas rumah, kadang-kadang siap kena masak...Patutlah ada orang gaji jadi gila.

I yang anak seorang ni pun tak sempat oi...

So far, dinner I masak baru 3 kali. Itu pun sebab my husband requested for it. When my husband wants me to cook, at least I know he will be home to help me look after the baby for a while.

And what about ibu tunggal? Susahnyeeeeeeeee!!!

5) If my baby is cranky, I rasa macam, I need some air! Husband, come home quick! It's your turn!

Eh, but I thought I wanted to be a housewife? Baby cranky pun tak tahan ke?

But I do love my son very much lah. And dia bukan selalu cranky. It's just that, sometimes I am jealous with my husband. He goes out to work but in my mind, he goes out to escape from responsibility. You see how screw up my mind has become?

But I still want to quit my job. And I still want to work.
I'm so indecisive.
I wish I can work from homeeeee!!!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

dear
i was facing the same problem with milk production before... worst, i managed to get 4 oz je sehari..... i blamed myself for berlama2 @my mum's jugak.. but then i realised (not me actually, a friend of mine sedarkan i) yg i sebenarnya stress pikir pasal susu.. so i decided not to think about how much i can produce each day.. but enjoy bf... i perasan yg lepas tu mmg melimpah2 le..... esp lepas balik rumah sendiri..... what i did was, pagi start lepas hubby g keje i kemas rumah, cairkan barang utk masak lunch, sidai baju( basuh mlm) etc.. my DD bangun dlm pkl 10 bg mandi then tidokan dia balik... so i masak masa dia tido tu lauk yg paling cepat siap... then lepas tu mmg i duduk ngan dia je sampai hubby balik petang.... dr situ mmg susu byk keluar sbb bonding.... breastpump pun memainkan peranan.. i tukar 3 jenis pump baru ok.. air mmg kena minum sampai kembung, then masuk je keje i stress sbb anak tanak minum through botol ( dah berkepit je ngan miss B sebelum ni kan) then susu drop balik..... tgh buat power pumping now... nampak le improvement....... BTW my baby is now 3++ months and she is an IVF baby

aida

ectopy said...

aida, somehow I feel so happy knowing you have a successful ivf baby, how special!

ala, your baby is so good. my baby is such a light sleeper. susah betul nak tidurkan dia! like I mentioned before, baby I ni nak breasts I je...if he falls asleep, and I quietly and carefully put him down, almost all the time dia akan terjaga balik, melalak, especially waktu siang. tu pasal my housework is onhold, terpaksa melayan boss kecik ni, kejang I terpaksa stay still just to let him rest betul betul.

I wish his sleeping pattern is less erratic. sometimes, I rase dia dah better, yeay, but after two days, dia jadi balik. ni angkara growth spurts ke ape, I pun tak tahu.

anyway, I hope my breastmilk pun akan melimpah ruah cepat. jealous I dengar!

Anonymous said...

i dont mean to brag, but i have 4 kids berderet2, age difference by a year each, and im a working mom too, i think 24 hours is sufficient for a mommy to go to work, come home, cook dinner, clean the house, fold laundry, wash dishes, help children with preschool/playschool homework, siram pokok, bla bla bla.. i think other mommies manage to juggle too. u see there are many working mommies out there right? its just about time management. really. that how supermoms do it. my babies refused pacifier too. i had no choice but to accept my fate. thus, bile baby tido, i would go full speed at house chores. needless to say, i nvr have time for tv, and i barely sleep more than 4-5 hours per day. its a lot of sacrifice. if u still have time for leisure, watch tv, blog walking, internet surfing yadda yadda, then u might need to chg your routine. but then again, live your life the way you want to lah. if u can afford a dish washer, why bother doing it on your own? if u can afford a helper, why bother breaking sweat at the kitchen? if you can afford dobi service, why bother doing the laundry? at the end, what ever that makes u and the family happy, is what matters.

Anonymous said...

hi ectopy.. i mula2 pump stress jugak. dapat 1 oz je each pumping session.in a day paling banyak 3oz. selama 3 minggu pump hari2..xde perubahan.stress sgt & hampir putus asa nak pump susu. but then..i decided xpelah..setakat mana jelah yg dapat.tp i keep pumping.after 4 weeks consistent pumping..i manage to get 15oz then 22 oz sampai i naik keja.

ectopy said...

anon 1: no lah, you are not bragging. an inspiration really. I think I ni lambat sikit nak accept that things just cant go the way it was before. haha. in denial lagi!

anon 2: thank you! actually, I was wondering berapa lama nak dapat banyak susu ni? Baca baca diorang kata kena rajin pump, tapi tak specific bila Nampak hasil. so, rupanya kena tunggu sampai 4 minggu lah ye? I ingatkan beberapa hari je...I dah mula fikir kena tukar breast pump ke ape...

Anonymous said...

Power pumping sis.. N dont stress... It works for me.. N for house chores, try pakai baby carrier.. Ring sling or wrap... Blh google tgk.. Sy pakai wrap... Baby attached ngan kt and at d same time blh buat keje.. My baby mmg tido tiap kali masuk dlm wrap provided perut kenyang le.. N kami mmg xpakai buai le... As we use wrap nak bg tido

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