Update:

The doctor said it might be the migraine. Hmm...I guess.

Also, somehow, I chanced upon some Ustadz from Darussyifa. Funny thing, I was actually accompanying my colleague, because she said, maybe her temper was paranormal...Yeah, she received a few complaint letters from the clients...But, ended up, Ustadz said I was the one with hantu. Hahaha...

Anyway, as per usual, this season's obsessions of mine...

1) Royel Otis.

An Australian band. So good! Geeky, but cool, my type! Plus, their covers- Linger and Murder On The Dance Floor, OMG, I am confident we have the same taste in music, because both songs are in my playlist for years!

Current favourite song: Fried Rice. Please, they mention Come On, Eileen. Also, in my playlist and in The Perks of Being A Wallflower movie! Ugh...

I'll definitely be watching them live if they ever come to Malaysia! Please come...

2) Dylan O'Brien.

Somehow, he appears in my FYP and he's so cute that I'm watching Teen Wolf, like, hahaha...I'm having a crush on him like a teenage girl, don't care...I've seen his other films, but those girls who made Teen Wolf edits on TikTok, OMG, I pun terpengaruh. Love his character, kind and geeky...Goofy...Again, my type! My boyfriendddd....

3) Logan Lerman.

Handsome laaahhh...But he's a Jew. Hopefully, not a zionist. Feel so guilty to fancy him.

Can you believe I just watched The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I liked him when he was Percy Jackson, but the movie sucked lah, so didn't have a strong impression on me masa tu...

It's funny how I refused to watch The Perks of Being A Wallflower when it first came out.

- I thought Emma Watson was too old to play a teenager (masa tu dia baru habis franchise Harry Potter)

- I thought it was a typical stupid teenage flick movie

- I got confused with the movie Flowers In The Attic, and I don't want to watch incest! (Both movies ada brother/ sister, hence the mix up. And both also based on novels!)

Anyway, I suka sangat Charlie a.k.a Logan. (Can you see the pattern of geeky, shy, kind guy...Love!) And I really love the movie, like, it's one of the Top 10 movies in MY list. I kept thinking about it for days...Can't exactly tell why I like it so much. Until...

I read somewhere that Charlie depicts an empath perfectly. Maybe that's why I am so drawn to the movie. I am an empath too...The way he feels so much pain, including others' pain. Eh, tapi suka lah. Like, the whole movie is not too much, just the right amount of everything. Nothing's over the top.

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I harap korang pun sama-sama obsess dengan I...I miss those days when my friends and I can have a crush on the same person. Hahaha...Sekarang ni, obsess sorang-sorang je, OR I'd tell my kids: Tu lah Mommy punya current boyfriend. Anak I pun layan je lah...Hahaha...Diorang pun tau boyfriend I ni bertukar-tukar ikut musim. My husband langsung tak layan (-__-")

I had the scare of my life yesterday. I was working, talking on the phone, and a client in front of me, when suddenly, I felt like someone is tugging on the phone that I was holding. I ignored it for the first two tugs before I got annoyed, like, can't you see I'm busy talking on the phone, how rude!

I turned myself, saw nobody behind me, but the phone kept tugging, and saw my own hand! My own hand which I did not control, nor could I feel it! It freaked me out but I had to stay calm. There was a client in front of me. I switched hand quickly, and saw my left hand on my lap. On my lap, but it didn't feel like mine. After I finished talking on the phone, I put my right hand on my left hand, but still, I could not feel anything.

The closest thing I could describe it is like I dissociated from my body. Paham tak! Like, that's my hand, but I couldn't move it, I could not feel it!

It lasted for a few minutes. After my client left, I could feel and move my left hand again. I got myself checked and burst into tears because it was so scary! Am I having. A stroke? Am I dying? My BP shot up, my heart raced. But it became normal again after I calmed myself down. Bloods came back normal.

I also did a CT scan, and hopefully that is normal too.

My colleagues and friends hope everything would be normal. They think it's some nerve thing going on, which is temporary.

I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but I know what I went through. And that was totally not normal, that was something not right. It didn't feel like it's some nerve thing. What next if the scan and the bloods are normal?

I question myself. Did I hallucinate? Is this schizophrenia? Was I possessed? Is this how paralysis feel like?

I pray that if there's something wrong with me, I'd catch it early to treat it.

Woke up just now at 3.49am in tears.

Yesterday, Abang K did his puasa sunat. We woke up for sahur. I made burger for him. Half asleep, Abang K said, "Thank you, Mommy, for cooking." Aww...The sweetest. Before he went back to bed, he hugged and kissed me.

It's Friday today, the holiest day in Islam.  Before bedtime, I remember scolding my kids for staying up late, watching the tablets for too long, coming back home too late...I had so many chores to do. Then, we slept.

I prayed one hour earlier, including Tahajjud. I fell back to sleep but only an hour. I had the weirdest dream:

My son is in a boarding school. I'm visiting him with my daughter. It's a fancy school, my son shares a room with a girl and they have TVs in their room. I guess, it's co-ed because they are only 10, soon 11.

My son is alone and happy to see me. We talk until I see the injury on his left arm. They are scabs and some skin falls off. Typical of son, he's so nonchalant about it. What happened, I ask? Teacher rotan.

There's a rush all over my body. "Jom, ikut Mommy balik. Nak tukar sekolah? Tak payah duduk asrama lagi," I play it cool. My son is happy to hear this. "Jom, kemas barang," I say.

I enter his fancy room. I quickly put whatever I can get in plastic bags, holding in my tears. When my son isn't looking, I cry. Guilty, I wonder- How long has this been going on? Why my son has never told me anything before? Why did I put him in a boarding school! Who is the unreasonable adult teacher? I should've protected my own son!

My son sees me crying softly, and he doesn't know why. He probably thinks he deserves the punishment. "Siapa buat? Kenapa teacher rotan? Sakit tak?" Teacher Farah. Then he shows me the marks that are on his body too. My face is hot seeing it.

As we are packing, a group of students return from their classes. They are shouting to Abang K to get ready for their evening routine, probably riadah then Maghrib prayer. I see male teachers among them. "Ustadz!" I yell as loud as I can. There's rage in me.

"Siapa buat anak saya? Saya bukan bayar murah. Kenapa buat anak saya!" Two ustadz and a female teacher look at each other. They are trying to stall. Their faces are sorry but they are holding back. Behind them, out came a short, chubby female teacher. "Ya, Puan, saya cikgu Abang K. Puan kena banyak bersabar," she says, collected and confident. The other female teacher signals to me that it is her.

I just can't..."Kenapa buat anak saya! Saya nak report polis. Saya nak saman!" I am going to get justice. She's going to jail. I am going to make sure she pays for this.

"Report lah. Samanlah," she provokes me. Now, people are holding our bodies so we couldn't get physical. I whip out my phone and start recording. Apparently, she had a history of stalking her ex before this. My case against her strong and I am going to win.

This psycho does care and begins to pose for pictures. I hate her so much, "Tak payah nak senyum-senyum nak cover muka buruk asal kau. Kau tu, muka buruk, hati buruk, otak pun ugly!". There's no sabar left in me, and I kick her with my left leg.

At 3.49 am, I really kicked in my sleep. I woke up and traumatized because it felt so real. I cried and cried. Kesian sangat my anak kena buli dengan cikgu. Padahal, Abang K tu baik sangat! Nakal, ye, tapi rotan sampai macam tu!

What does this dream mean? It's bothering me.

My son is fine. Teacher Farah is his English teacher and English is my son's favourite subject. The teacher in the dream looked like a mix of current Fathiya Latiff and my boss.

What does it mean?