If I were to live until 80, I am now actually very close to the midpoint of my life, guys! But, what if I die when I am 50...
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it has taken me so long to come to terms with my life and myself. The major one is something that I just realized recently, I am now okay with how my face is. Gasp! I used to wish I was prettier, maybe I wished for a nicer nose, my pictures didn't look too good, I wished my skin looked as it was with the filters on...
Guess I want to applaud this new generation of Tik Tok users who are not afraid to show themselves on camera. They don't care! And they definitely slay...I mean, now, I appreciate beauty in non-conventional faces. It's funny how we avoided cameras before, but these young boys and girls...They are raw, they show whatever they like, they say whatever they want to say...Thanks to you guys, I am not as bad as I thought I was! Finally, I feel pretty too...Can't believe it took me this long to say: I am pretty, instead of I am average looking. I didn't even realize I had this physical inferiority complex in me...Until I used the inverted filter on Tik Tok and didn't despise at myself.
If you are 20 or 30 and you feel like you still haven't settled down, or you haven't figured things out...It's okay, totally! Because, I baru je reach contentment in my life and look how old I am...I am okay with myself. In fact, I am grateful. Not perfect, but am content. At this age, I realize contentment is better than perfection, just as peacefulness is better than happiness...
Since my last post about Edward Norton, I have been watching his movies. He is my man of the season currently. Hahaha...
As I rewatched Fighter Club, I found out that I prefer Ed than Brid (Pitt) now. Young Miss Ectopy would drool over Brad Pitt, but not current Ectopy. Ed is cool, not very good looking but he is smart. No major controversies, carefully curates which characters he wants to play, appears smart, responsible and well-spoken. I don't even mind that he's old now! Hahaha!
Just like being okay with being alone now...Solo meals, solo shopping, solo movie, solo travelling...When 20 years back, I was always surrounded by friends. Always had to have something planned for the weekends. Now, I don't mind staying home...The ultimate contentment! When you truly believe Allah is always there for you...
It's funny when you thought you know yourself, but, even at this age, you continually evolve and progress, and you keep learning new things about yourself. It's amazing because it makes us human, because we grow out of or into something. We are not stagnant creatures...
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Sometimes, it frustrates me, for example
Situation: When I crave for good food
Solution: I order expecting something to satisfy my crave, after carefully selecting the menu
How I order food: I need to justify the price (everything is so expensive nowadays) VS the ingredients (because I want something healthy and match the price, not paying RM40 for salad!) VS the portion (I don't want a big portion because I want to eat other kinds of food too without overeating)
And after all that...The taste is meh...I am not satisfied but I can't order something else because I can't waste my food...It's annoying.
I wish restaurants would sell mini-sized food that's not very expensive. Let me devour your food without guilt...So I can order a starter, a main and a dessert, instead of choosing just one.
Like, donut. You sell all this yummy-looking donuts, and how do I choose only one flavour for myself! It's ridiculous. Buy normal-sized donuts in 6 different flavours instead? You are killing me...
It's either killing myself with diabetes or get more friends that can share food with me...The first option is easier and faster.
What a rant...At almost 5 in the morning...😅
