I look at fellow Malaysians, sometimes, I think we are very rich. I see a lot of them carry very, very expensive handbags and buy expensive toys for their children. I often say to my husband, "Kaya betul orang Malaysia ni."

Then, I look at other fellow Malaysians. Young, healthy, clean and polite. Not rich, using basic handphones, not even smartphones.

They are not kampung boys. They've been living the city with their grandparents and parents. They are what we call- Miskin bandar.

I mean...It's 2019. Every body is using Whatsapp. Who still uses SMS!

It reminded me of all the previous maids I had. They all wanted smartphones, we bought it for them (because it will be easier for them to call their children), they never paid us back (we would halalkan if they really stuck around to complete their contract), and we bought top ups for them!

Those ungrateful bitches.

I'm not mad if they earn the money through hard work. Kerja senang lenang. Lepas tu mencuri. Orang negara sendiri hidup lagi susah.

Geram pulak fikir. So unfair.

Oh, my God...Lamanya tak tulis dekat sini...For your info, I've had 3 drafts, and maybe a few more drafts in head, but never got the chance to sit down and write.

I've been busy. I've been avoiding staying up late. My son already knew how to use the laptop. Yes, some of my excuses...

And today, I'm on leave for Raya! My children are away for half day.

My son met his cousin for the first time yesterday, and her name is Amani.
Cheeky boy said- What? Nama dia Money? Kenapa nama dia 'Duit'!

Hahaha...That made me laugh. Who would have thought...

Anyway, how is life? Mine has been up and down, as usual. I read something online, from now on, I think I want to pray differently. Like, "Oh, Allah, please grant me strength and sabar to face the challenges," instead of, "Oh, Allah, please remove the challenges in my life."
I want to be more thankful and complaint less.

You see, I know I am so blessed in so many ways, but I still keep wanting more, typical of me, the imperfect human. At the same time, I've been feeling afraid that God might not love me as much because if compared to other peoole, my life obstacles are not as dramatic as theirs.

Well, but I believe the ones I have are enough for me. I may not be able to handle bigger problems. Ya Allah, I am so weak...

And I'm not a very good servant either. Ramadhan this year, and all the years before, tak banyak pun terawih. I just hope there will be progress in my Ibadah, no matter how slow I am. Told ya, I'm so weak...

Good thing is, I notice I am a lot calmer now. I compare myself less to others. I care less about what people might think of me. I judge less too...
I went for a facial by myself for the first time ever. And I did teeth whitening for the first time ever too.

I feel good about myself more often than I feel miserable, and this is how a woman in her mid thirties should feel.