I was upset for the past few days. Actually, I still am sad about it because whenever I think about it, I cry or almost cry.

Basically, *Aliah told me about what *Betty and *Celine think about me. They are not good opinions. Betty and Celine have never even met me in person and they already have bad impressions on me.

So, Betty called Aliah, probably about other matters, but she mentioned me, so I guess they must have been talking a great length about me, exchanging views and digging my history that I don't want people to know. I'm sure they all know now.

Aliah herself, is not a great person to be close with. Sometimes, she's nice, or acting nice, you just don't know. We just have to be careful.

Anyway, now that I'm upset, I keep thinking- why are some people so mean?

As I'm trying to analyse this, I asked myself not to jump into conclusions. Perhaps it's a small matter, but I'm just being extra anxious.

Is Aliah mean?
Is Betty mean?
Is Celine mean?
I don't know.

Then, who's fault is it? Is it my fault?

Do they even know how hurtful it is to me? I am a 30 plus year old lady, with 2 kids, and I still cry about work (or it's the PMS).

This is pathetic.

----

Because of this episode, I want to remind myself and my children that God is fair.

I truly believe He is fair, that He makes everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses.

Aliah may be successful, but she has problems in her marriage.
Betty may think she's smart, but she's unmarried and doesn't have children (it may be her own choice, but whatever, let me have my moment, okay?)
Celine- well, I don't know much about her, but maybe, a lot of people don't like her too? Who knows. Yang penting, she's not perfect either.

So, the lesson here is- Stay humble.

Do not think you are above anyone else.

Have I seen an almost perfect person? Sure, I have. But they do not offend me, so, I'm happy for them, maybe they really deserve all that blessings.

But hey, to those who think I am stupid and cannot do my job properly-
At least I am happy at home.

If all my efforts go unappreciated, it's okay, because I do it with ikhlas.

----

I also realized I'm not really good in expressing myself other than to write about it.

I told my friend that I was upset and she asked me out, but I just can't bring myself to tell her what exactly happened.

I cried in the loo, washed my face, had lunch and talked about everything else, as if I was unaffected, as if I was joking about it.

I really need to get professional help. Am I depressed? Am I bipolar? Do I need to quit my job? Maybe I should migrate.

Sigh. I just want to have a stress free life.