Tak jadi induce hari ni...Postpone esok pulak...Hoping for regular contractions to avoid the dreadful tomorrow, hehe...

Since I'm bored...

I am not a naturally pretty person, I admit. Biasa biasa je...Tak ada orang minat pun masa sekolah dulu...But, that does not deter my self esteem. I mean, I never let my looks to make me feel less confident about myself.

I've told the story about a friend of mine who used to have good skin. When we were in college, she suffered from acne. I didn't think it was bad, but she was so ashamed of herself, she didn't want to socialize and kept herself in her room.

Another friend in University was pretty too (well, I think she is quite average, but maybe she thought otherwise?) At one point, she had skin problem. She asked all of her friends to delete photos of her in Facebook. Because the request was quite tough to comply, she ended up avoiding being in photos altogether.

Recently, I met a friend who went to University with us. She said that girl is now back on Facebook after her skin got treated. Haha.

Actually, there was a time when I wish I was prettier. Jealous with girls who have the looks. I said, "Best nya jadi cantik...Ramai peminat..." I was immature. But my friend told me, "Best ke jadi orang yang sentiasa kena kecewakan orang lain? Ye lah, bila dah cantik, ramai orang minat, tapi kita kena asyik kena reject orang yang kita tak suka tu..."

Wahhh...Why you so wise!!!!! We were only 18...

Anyway...

Since I don't really care much about how I look...I mean, I do care lah, I used to love make-ups and whatnots, tapi takde lah sampai tahap skin kena perfect gitu...I have accepted the fact that my skin has flaws, and I gotta live with it. It's not the end of the world if I'm ugly, or if I miss a facial appointment (still a virgin here)...

Orang kata, alah bisa tegal biasa. I've always had acne problems, hence leading to enlarged pores. So, I dah tak berapa nak heran kalau ada jerawat. Once, I sought a professional treatment and was prescribed with an antibiotic called Tetracycline. Ever since, I noticed my teeth are not as pearly white as before. I was one of the few unfortunates who suffer from its side effect! Dahlah tak cantik, gigi tak putih pula tu!

My niece notices my pores. The other day, she asked me, "Auntie Ectopy, kenapa muka Auntie ada titik titik lubang lubang macam tu?"

I truthfully answered her, "Bekas jerawat..."

Then she said, "Macam muka Anna (from the cartoon Frozen)? Muka Anna ada dot dot juga dekat pipi dia..."

Hahahaha...Those are freckles, honey. But if you think this is how freckles look like in real life, Auntie terima je...Hahaha!

I am nervous. In a few hours, I will be induced. The baby likes to be inside me, too much. I keep imagining the contractions I've been having is labour pain, but apparently, they are not. They say induction hurts, plus, tomorrow is a weekend, I don't know who will entertain my request for an epidural.

Anyway...

A friend from highschool just shared her experience of losing 3 of her children, 2 biological and 1 adopted. It's so sad...Then she said, "Aku nak pesan, kalau ada anak yang lasak, jangan dimarahi sangat. Sebab itu bermakna anak tu sihat...Untuk anak-anak kecil, kalau boleh, tunaikan permintaan diorang. Layankan sahaja. Sebab sampai sekarang aku sedih tak sempat bagi nasi lemak dekat anak aku..."

Sedihnya...

I really don't know where to draw the boundaries lah...My son really loves those surprise eggs, every time he goes to Toys R Us, we would buy him at least 3. Today, he got 7 surprise eggs! And the toys are more or less the same...He just gets the thrill of opening the eggs, he doesn't really care much about the toys or the candies.

He also likes those SpongeBob vitamins which are meant for 5 year-olds and above. He can finish them so fast. I tried to substitute them with other gummies, but gummies aren't exactly healthy for kids either. We haven't bought those vitamins for quite some time (well, we usually ends up buying the fruits and vegetables gummies, meant for kids who refuses the food, but still...) but last night, he saw the gummies at the pharmacy! My husband and I just couldn't say No to him.

Every time my son is extra manja, my husband would tell him, "Nanti, bila daddy dah tua, Baby K pula jaga daddy, okay..." So far, my son doesn't display any real attitude problems yet, except that he likes to throw things...But I am concerned whether we layan his requests too much. Aren't we strict enough? Are we feeding him with bad attitudes? Is it too early to start disciplining him? (Disciplining him on what pun I tak tahu...Haha...)

My staff has the same advice too. She said, once they grow up, they won't be needing you anymore. So, layan je lah apa-apa yang budak-budak ni nak...

I just don't want to have regrets later on...

Still pregnant and emo...Past my due date, praying not to be induced!

On my Facebook timeline, there would be on and off Muslimah stores, but the annoying part is...their models. Haha. I have a case of 'I hate you for no reason, I don't know why, I just do'!

So far, I have identified 3 Muslimah models that I just could not stand!

I am most annoyed with this one model- she has a certain way of smiling, which I find to be very 'syok sendiri'. So annoying whenever I see her face pops up. She's everywhere! Please change your model!

The second one, well, I am not so annoyed with her lah. She's actually pretty sweet, but I think, too many companies use her face! Like, oi, tak ada muka lain keeeee...

The third model is also like the first one that I don't like, except that she's not everywhere (yet), but still, I can feel the aura of 'syok sendiri'. Like, you claim to be a Muslimah model, right...Why you like this! Badan lentik-lentik, pakai sunglasses lah, konon macam modern sangat...So attention seeking (even though I do understand that's the whole purpose of the ads- to attractbcustomers. But I still can't accept, haha)

But of course, I am just stating my opinions based on first impressions. I don't even know them lah...But, I have admitted before that I can be very judgemental, it's my weakness...Hehehehe...

So yeah, I'm sorry that I hate you for no reason... =(

Hati I ni belum suci murni lagi kot...

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My husband has returned from overseas, yeay!

But while he was away, my son missed him so much, he had an episode when he cried out of sudden calling for his daddy! He was watching iPad- a scene of father and son teasing each other.

Son: (Crying) Nak daddy!
Me: Daddy work...
Son: Nak ikut daddy work!
Me: Daddy balik lagi 4 hari.
Son: Nak daddy! Daddyyyyy...!!!

Waahhh...Sekarang dah pandai rindu ye...

Luckily, it only lasted for 5 minutes, or I would have joined him too, crying for missing my husband so much, hahahaha...

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When we sent my husband off at the airport, my husband actually lied to my son that he was getting the car, before he disappeared...

I'm actually against this method lah...I prefer telling my son the truth.

But, my husband was afraid I couldn't handle my son's tantrum, with me being heavily pregnant and all, so, I simply followed my husband's method...Malas nak gaduh time nak berpisah...

So, my son was in his stroller, and my husband was missing...Then, my son started to ask me, "Daddy mana?"
Because my husband was already gone, I bluntly told my son- Daddy tak ada. Daddy pergi work.

My son screamed and cried in his stroller. I kept pushing. Finally, he slept...

Oh, for those of you who didn't know yet, my son memang overly attached with his father, despite him not being around all the time due to our long distance relationship. Even though I am the one who takes care of my son most of the time, my husband is still my son's number 1.

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I told the above stories to my husband.

Me: Kalau boleh, I tak nak tipu-tipu dia...
Husband: Tapi, I takut dia nangis.
Me: I rasa, you yang tak boleh nampak dia nangis...Hehehe...(I seriously think he's doing that method to save himself from the heartache)

Me: You tu...Kalau Baby K nangis sikit, terus dukung dan pujuk dia!
Husband: I kan tak ada kasih sayang...I tak nak dia rasa macam apa yang I rasa...

I quickly understood that my husband was referring to the fact that his biological parents gave him up for other people to take care of him when he was small.

I will never understand how it feels...That's why I always think it's no big deal. My husband's parents (not biological) are nice people, and they are related to my husband's actual parents. They do meet each other during family events, it's not like my husband is left to wonder who his real parents are...

And I still can't really understand why my husband couldn't let this go. He's an adult now. His adopted parents asked for him (because they were childless at that time), and his biological parents gave him because...I don't know, kesian kot...

But...My husband still feels that he is not loved enough (despite the fact that he always compliments his adopted parents, and I know his adopted parents love him so much because they are forever dependent on him, instead of their biological sons)

Well, to my advantage- or more specifically, to my children's advantages, we know my husband will love and protect them, as long as he has that feeling (who knows he might have a change of heart in the future kan...)

Tapi, kasihan my husband...Macam trauma for life je...Sometimes, if we argue, he would say things like, "Nobody loves me. I only have you and Baby K in my life." Waahhh...I pulak kena convince dia balik there are many people in this world who love him.

Hari tu, I ada dengar Ustadz cakap dalam radio:
Kalau tak ada anak, ambil anak anak angkat. Kalau tak mampu, buat baik dengan anak saudara. Kalau tak ada juga, belalah anak kucing. InsyaAllah doa-doa mereka ini diterima selepas kita dah mati. Yakinlah, sebab Tuhan tu tak kejam dan Maha Adil.