This year, my husband had told me twice about the death of two footballers.

The most recent one, was last week. I shed tears when I watched the last few moments of his life being displayed on TV.


My husband saw my expression and asked why, I said, "Sebab sedihlah!"

"Can you imagine, sebelum ni, you training dengan teammates you hari-hari, nothing was wrong, you rasa fit. On the day of the match, you bersemangat gila nak main bola, nak menang. Lepas tu, tiba-tiba, in the middle of the field, you sakit dada. You try nak bangun, tapi tak boleh. Last-last you rebah, tiba-tiba je. Cuba bayangkan, you tengah sakit gila, beribu-ribu orang tengah tengok you sakit, tapi seorang pun tak boleh tolong you."

Being in extreme pain and suddenly you cannot breathe, with so many people around you, but noone could help. It's horrible! It's one of the worst ways to die! And it's just so sad that all we could do is just watch.

And what about his teammates...To see the paramedics perform CPR right in front of your eyes, to the friend whom you just laughed/ eaten/ talked with. Who would've thought it would be the last of everything...

I think, for me to cry while watching it on TV, it is justifiable.

And he was so young and it was so unexpected.

Takutlah I tengok sportsmen ni...

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Before I received the above news, I often wonder why is my mind, spirit, body- my whole self changing.

I remember the time when I wasn't afraid of anything. I would ride a speedy car, dream of bungee-jumping, paragliding, parachuting, be excited for roller-coasters and ride them over and over again...I even snuck out from the house just to attend funfairs and do all the crazy stuff.

The feeling was different when I went to Universal Studio, Singapore.

I wasn't all very excited when the roller-coaster slowly climbing up. It was awkward as I did not know whether I should open my eyes to build up the momentum or, close my eyes and wait for my heart to stop for a moment.

I kept thinking: WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF SITUATION!
Close eyes? Open eyes? Close eyes? Open eyes?

After much thinking, I personally prefer keeping my eyes open than close. I don't like the feeling of suddenly dropping, I know what kind of stress it will do to my heart, I know in extreme shock/ fright, I wouldn't even make a sound because it feels like everything is frozen, and so does my heart.

Me: Abang, abang lagi suka naik roller-coaster tutup mata ke, buka mata?
Husband: Tutup mata lah. Takutlah buka mata!
Me: Tapi kalau tutup mata, rasa jatuh tiba-tiba, rasa macam jantung nak tercabut!
Husband: Ala, kalau buka mata pun, jantung nak tercabut jugak. Kalau tutup mata, rasa takut tu sekejap je...

Me: Kalau macam tu, maksudnya abang lebih prefer mati tiba-tiba. I lagi suka kalau I sakit dulu sebelum mati.
Husband: Eh, kalau mati, lainlah...Kena sakit dulu sebelum mati.
Me: Mana aci! Tadi you cakap lain!
Husband: Situasi dah tukar sekarang ni...
Me: Kenapa you lebih suka sakit dulu sebelum mati?
Husband: Sebab, sebelum Nabi Muhammad SWT wafat pun, dia sakit dulu selama seminggu, baru dia meninggal dunia...