Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My niece is damn cute. She's 3 years old.

One time, I caught her playing with my lipgloss, so I screamed at her and asked, "Pulang balik!"
Then, she pursed her lips and pinched them, as if grabbing the stain of lipgloss on her lips, and said, "Nah!"
I said, "Pulangkan balik," and she did the same gesture for several times! Haha.

Another time, my purse went missing. I found our she was the last one who played with it, so I asked her, "Where is my pink purse?"
Then, she pointed at her cute little butt, and said, "Ni..."
"I said, where is my pink purse, not where is your Pampers! So, now, where is my pink purse?"
As expected, she did not understand and showed me her Pampers.

I am confused with myself.
Sometimes, I make friends so easily with strangers, other times I may not be as warm as I could be.

Like today, at work, I was with a new team of people. It's not like I don't know most of them, I do, but I couldn't be bothered to be jovial. They didn't care about me either, probably because I was not interesting enough. It felt really awkward because everybody was talking to each other except for me! I felt like I was in a new high school or something.

Then, as I was about to leave, a security guard came knocking on my car window. He asked me to lend him RM30, with promise that he will return the full amount in 2-3days. I showed him the content of my purse, I seriously only had RM7, I wanted to give him 5bucks, but he refused, "Nanti you pula tak ada duit," he said.

He must've needed the money bad. 30bucks may meant nothing for me, but to him, he didn't even have RM30!

I told about my boyfriend about how I felt- this 'kejap boleh kawan dengan mana-mana orang, kejap boleh kawan dengan certain people only' mode.

Him: Maybe you lebih suka berkawan dengan orang yang humble.
Me: Tak jugak...Kadang-kadang I kawan dengan orang tu bergantung kepada chemistry.

I am wondering what kind of people attract me to them. I don't know.

If it's chemistry, I also have some very close friends who I didn't have chemistry with, but hit it off after a few meetings.
Ada jugak yang sampai sekarang masih tak boleh ngam.

Brad P's bestfriend/ complicated friend for example. And I feel so guilty because Brad P gets along with my friends so well (too well sometiems) but I just couldn't have a proper relaxed conversation with his this one bestfriend.
Damn awkward!

Let's also analyse the bosses I can get along with. Boss A is kind, but I just couldn't talk to him like friends do. Everything between us is completely professional that sometimes we are in silence because we couldn't talk about anything else. However, the rest of my colleagues can have drinks and laugh with him.
Or Boss B who most people hate but I can simply tease him and feel at ease when he's around.

I don't understand myself.


An idealist that doesn't know where she's going, but is on her way said...

i love reading your blog, ectopy.. I can relate myself to most of your feeling, in this case the confuse with myself part.

i have always found myself acting weird dengan some people, but can clicks so well with others. and that bothers me a lot!

weed something out said...

its normal.


qahina said...

honestly, learning how to be amicable and sociable is a skill. It's not something you're born with. That's why people identified with higher EQ than IQ as the ultimate intelligence because EQ what takes you far in life whereas IQ takes you as much. If you do feel inadequate that means maybe somewhere somehow you're right. We all come to that stage whenever we really care about others. Good luck in the journey! :)