I feel like I post more about my daughter on IG. But, that's okay, because now, I feel like I write more about my son on the blog.

My son ni special. Memang selalu nampak garang, kasar, cakap pun jerit jerit. Tapi softie inside. I notice whenever I ask him to do something, no matter how he much he does not like it, he always says okay. Obedient. Unlike his sister, often playfully says no.

I was unwell yesterday. On my menses, feeling yucky about myself, achy all over because of the vaccine...But I needed to do laundry. My son immediately stopped playing on his laptop, and helped me carry the laundry. Like, how sweet is that, I did not even ask. I said thank you and kissed him on the head and of course, told him that he was a good boy.

I feel so blessed. Both of kids are good kids. I don't even remember being this well-behaved when I was young. I remember my mom was often annoyed by me, though.

Today, I was all depressed and my son stayed by side trying to make me feel better. My daughter did too, they were both hugging me and rubbed my back. I guess because my son is slightly older, he understands me more. My children are really caring and takes care of me.

I am so grateful that sometimes, I don't feel I deserve them. 

I've just started to teach my son not to miss his prayers. I know, late, but he's going to be 10 this year, it's okay, we go slow and steady...So far, solat semua except for Subuh. Tak apalah, we'll try for 3-6 months, then we'll start Subuh pulak. That's the plan...

Initially, we solat together. But, then, he began to become impatient. He's saying that I'm too slow...Tak apalah, yang penting not to miss solat. Perfection, sincerity, khusyu' dan hidayah tu kita slow...Budak kan...Berdiri tegak pun masih tak reti duduk diam.

Anyway, I couldn't pray because I'm menstruating. So, I told him, I have my period, please solat without me. He knew about girls bleed from their vaginas from his teenager cousins...

Today, he asked:

- Macam mana Mommy tau Mommy period?

Well, I saw blood on my undies.

- Sakit ke Mommy?

Some girls get pain, but I don't.

- Semua girls period ke hari ni?

Eh, tak lah. We get period every month on random days.

- Kenapa boys tak period?

Sebab boys don't give birth. If you get your period, it means you are not pregnant. But, if you don't get your period, it means a baby is growing in your womb.

- Oh, you are bleeding because the baby is killed? The baby died, that's why blood coming out!

Hhmm...Sorta. Now, go to sleep. Good night.

I acknowledge that my son is not a Maths whiz. Which makes me a bit frustrated because I used to love Maths, and I always find it to be the easiest subject. I mean, once you know it, you know. Just throw whatever numbers, use the correct formulas, and done, instant results!

That's why I am a little bit hard on him. I could not understand why he doesn't count as fast as when I was his age. Primary Maths are just patterns. I get pretty annoyed because he could not recognize the patterns unless I really show him.

One day, his teacher told me he was falling behind. He didn't do his homework for months. I was furious. After much interrogation, I found out he stopped understanding the subject after he missed one week of school due to COVID-19 infection.

I was disappointed in myself, my son, and his teacher. I mean, he goes to a private school with only 20 students in his class. Why can't his teacher make sure he understand! Ugh, so annoying.

And began the episodes of me drilling him, making sure he understands all the topics. There were many episodes of crying, me losing my temper and saying inappropriate things to my son, hurting his feelings along the way. And that's why I'm upset when I had to be his teacher. I have no patience. When I'm in my teacher mode, I become a perfectionist. No mistakes are allowed. Nothing is ever good enough. Even when he gets all correct, I would still not be satisfied with his timing for answering the questions.

At one point, my son thought I didn't love him and thought he was stupid. He cried and I embraced him. I apologized and told him to yell the safe word if he thinks I've gone too far. Then, I told him that Mommy wasn't mad at him, 'teacher Mommy' did. So...

When I taught him, he began to understand and find Maths to be easier that he thought. I was like- Didn't your teacher teach you like this? Didn't your teacher show you like this?

He would tell me- No. Teacher ajar susah! Mommy ajar senang!

Seriously...

He sat for his Maths exam and today, his teacher announced the result.

He was super happy that he got 72%. I was like..."Hhmm...That's a B."

"But I passed, Mommy! Only 3 boys passed!" He said so proudly.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that that's not good enough. Everybody should get an A for Primary Maths because it's gonna get harder.

Anyway, I let him have his moment. I mean, he was over the moon. Like, wow, what an achievement for him, it's cute.

Before bed, as usual, we talk, just the two of us.

Apparently, 9 boys failed. The lowest was 11%. He is the sixth highest in class. The highest 3 are all girls, highest being 89%, nobody got A+. All girls passed except one.

The boys even created a Failed Corner- you can only enter if you failed.

Seriously, what school is thissss...What is wrong with his teacher! I hope he gets a different Maths teacher when he enters Standard 4!

Hahaha...Nak tergelak pun ada. Like, oh, my dear son, I wonder how you'd feel in a public school, where you have to compete with 40 students, or 300 students in your batch.

Seeing his excitement today, I am happy for him. Maybe I need to learn to lower my expectation. I just need to accept that my son is not a Maths whiz, he's a Geography whiz. His General Knowledge far exceeds mine when I was his age.

I hope he knows that I'm proud of him nevertheless. Bless his innocent soul- 72% is excellent...Hahaha...In the real world, 72% is only average, who's gonna tell him...