I cried every time I see the picture of the young Syrian boy on Facebook, even though I quickly scrolled the page to avoid the emotion.

Oh, little boy  T___T

Cannot tahan... :(

My son says:

Na for his cousin.

Wok for his grandmother.

Eek for his makcik/ bibik.

Dedi for his daddy.

But no mommy yet.

Why!!!

He also says:

Bop for stop

Moh for no.

Dah for sudah.

Ish for finish.

I don't know what other words can he say, but that's enough for me. Even though the progress is slow, at least he progresses. It's such a relief since I couldn't take him to see the speech therapist regularly.

Work is crazy. Or, I am the one who's going crazy. Because I have this constant thought of quitting.

Quitting sounds like a luxury, but I know, in reality, I really like to see the numbers in bank account. I don't use much money, but I like looking at the figure which gives me a sense of security, you know, in case of anything...

So, I've been proposing the idea of changing my career ro my husband, and he finally says okay. I think it is partly because I keep asking the same questions every day. The thing about my career is, I am pretty much stuck. I don't know what else I can do, especially in this current economy. I need to be innovative. I have ideas, I just don't know how to execute it. Don't have the right contacts and guidance.

If I decide to take the plunge, I don't think it will be anytime soon, unless I have a major meltdown.

Sometimes, I think, it is time to take the risks. Calculated risks, of course.

I am tired every day. From what I read, I might suffer from chronic fatigue. I don't remember when was the last time I had uninterrupted sleep, that was probably before I gave birth, or when I truly feel rested and at peace, no matter how much sleep I had, or how much relaxation I did.

I am so drained from driving every day, not having my weekends, not being able to wake up late, I always have to be contactable, phone buzzing and ringing all the time, not being able to enjoy long weekends like normal people do...

I just want to quit and do nothing for a while. Then, maybe, enroll myself to a cooking/ baking class, not being a professional, let loose and enjoy being at my own pace, instead of always running to meet all sorts of datelines and SOP, worrying why I am still studying when some of my younger colleagues have already achieved the qualifiations.

I've had it. I want to stop competing. Be happy by just being adequate. I don't want to win, I don't think I can. So, I just want to not think about work...

Man, I need therapy.