I have paid an amount of deposit to a wedding planner.

But I hate her.

Well, I used to like her enthusiasm, but after a while, she never initiate to contact me! She is not committed at all! I feel so angry just thinking about it. Twice, she bailed on us. We made an appointment for her and the team to come to my house, but she didn't show up, not only that, she did not even send me a message! How rude!

According the the arrangement, a baju nikah is included in the price. The wedding date is very near, but she never bothers to call me up and take my measurement.

Being the typical egoist bridezilla (that I never knew existed in me), I pun tak ingin nak terhegeh-hegeh dekat dia. Whatever. The selection of baju that she has are not that beautiful anyway...Very limited I have to say.

Then, I found another wedding planner that I have faith in, but I am scared that it will be a tad too expensive from the budget that I've set for. I am so scared to tell Mother, I'd probably lie to her. At times like this, I wish I were rich. Or, at least I had well-connected friends, or talented friends.

You know, later, after I got married, I will make an entry of how I wanted my wedding to be like and compare it with how my wedding actually turned out to be.

Oh, well, like Oprah said, "You can get everything that you want, just not at the same time."

Redha dan syukur.

Hmm, enough of stressful wedding talks. The experience from being Ectopy from the moment I was born into this world has taught me that: I just have to let things flow and things will turn out okay. Seriously, I was born not to plan, I was born to be spontaneous and surprise myself with the outcome. I hope.

On a happier note, I suka sangat with the stress-relieving activities that I've got myself involved into for the past few weeks.

If I weren't anonymous, I would've written a blog post entitled: Things to do before getting married.

You know what, if I were younger and had seen a woman at this age terkinja-kinja, mesti I commented something nasty or I'd judge that person.

The funny thing of getting old is, sometimes, you don't feel it. I didn't realize that I was older than most of the participants and by the time I realized, I just thought, "Hey, I'm happy that I'm still able to do this at this age!"

When I was about 22 years old, I was abroad, and I saw this very stylish woman in stilettos and cool shades, pushing a baby stroller with another toddler next to her trying to keep up.

I remember it so vividly, I told myself, "That's how I want to be after I have chidlren."

Now, thinking back, it is so difficult to apply the same situation in Malaysia. Nanti I balik kampung, orang cakap, I buang tebiat. Haha.

One can say, just adjust yourself to fit in. But I'm sure other people would say I'm a hypocrite.

Oh, well, there are always opinions, and at this age, I shall learn not to care of what people think of me as long as I am okay.

Reputations are for hormonal teenagers, I have none.

Anyway, apart from that, I was with my travel buddy for the weekend, a few weeks back. It felt good. He probably did not feel it, but I was indeed quite sentimental about it.

That would probably the last impromptu trip I will ever have. That was definitely the last trip I would ever have with my travel buddy!

We also met up with his Uni friend who is a local there. He introduced me to her, "Didn't you know she is my travel buddy? We have travelled a lot together..." and he started to name the countries we have covered together.

He might not notice it but I was so touched that he still remembers about our good times together. And I was touched that it was not only me who think of him as my travel buddy! :')

Back to KL, I drove, while he slept through the journey. Lagilah I sedih dengan keheningan malam. I will miss his companion.

My boyfriend and I have talked about this. He said after the marriage, whether I like it or not, things will have to change. I will be a married woman, and he will be my husband. Everything I do will depend on his blessings. Therefore, I could not hang out with my guy friends like, just the two of us, because my boyfriend doesn't trust the devil that eventually becomes the third party.

I told my boyfriend, "Tapi you cakap kita Westernised!" He repeatedly said he wants to us to have sex by the beach and I should not be embarassed because, "Kita kan Westernised!"

If we were Westernised, why can't I have the kind of relationship that friends have in, 'Friends' or 'How I Met Your Mother' or 'Cougartown'.

"Dalam hal ni, takde Westernised nye...Kita back to basic," my boyfriend said. WTF.