Yesterday sucked.

I came to work with half of my usual spirit. I am down with flu and cough, and I was easily annoyed for the whole day, that every single wrong thing, no matter how tiny it was, it hurt.

Like this one time, my boss ordered me to do something and half and hour later, he said he didn't order it, why I pandai-pandai do things my way. Annoying! I hate him!

Then, another boss came, who ordered me to do something else, and I did, and I yelled out, "23.2" in case I forgot the number, I hoped somebody else would remember it. Then he said, "Nevermind, it's not important."

WTF.

I left the scene because I couldn't stand to be there. In another room, a client's son scolded me for no reason. Usually I don't scold back, but I was not being myself, so, I answered. He then scolded me again and this time my assistant backed me up.

Damn rude lah these people!

So embarassing because my other clients heard it.

Then, I had nowhere else to go. I went to the canteen to be alone, but apparently I know too many people in the organisation, people kept coming up at me to say Hi but I was in no mood to talk or smile.

I drove home crying.

It could have been PMS but I just had my menstruation.







Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He said he had a surprise for me but I had to promise him not to be angry at the news. He told me that his bestfriend (the one that I used to have a crush on) got married two weeks ago.

WTF!

Apparently, he broke up with his long-term girlfriend of 15 years, one year ago. We all refused to believe that they separated because, yer lah, it could have been kejap on kejap off that kind of thing...I didn't even know he found someone new!

My boyfriend was right to make me promise not become angry because I almost exploded.

It's the stupidest thing a man could do to get over an ex!

So stupid!

It's wrong in many different levels.

First, you were together for 15 freaking years! It is simply IMPOSSIBLE to get over her in one year, it has to take 5 years at least, especially after you became depressed because she dumped you, boohoo.

Secondly, you got yourself a rebound which is way, how should I put it nicely here, too easy for you! Compared to your last girlfriend who is an engineer, who regularly goes overseas, who lives in a nice home, but you chose to settle down with this other girl, who is, I don't know, PMR/ SPM level, at most? Come on, you are worth more than that!

This is not even a revenge! This is defeat!

It's your fault for not getting married with your ex earlier. Guys, they always want to wait, they always want to have fun, she waited for you for 15 years, it's okay for you because you are a guy, but she's a woman whose youth is consumed by time, but when she dumped you, oh, pandai pulak kau main kahwin-kahwin?

Dah lah you kahwin, like, without proper preparation. I didn't even get an invitation to your wedding! And you, you don't even plan a reception on your side! What? Do you want to fuck her then divorce her? Do you think this is a game? That you can keep your marriage a hush hush? Why is it in the first place you don't want to make a big deal out of this? BECAUSE DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW YOUR WIFE IS NOT FOR YOU!

My boyfriend didn't even come to your wedding because he thought you were joking, for God's sake!

I feel like slapping him in the face! *RAGE*

How many times should I tell you guys that you guys should marry because of LOVE! LOVE! Why can't you guys believe me, or believe in love. Believe me, this kind of marriage won't last and you will become another typical Kelantanese who marry many and becomes a disgusting old man! (No offence, dear Kelantanese)








And because of you, my boyfriend has the guts to question the amount of hantaran my family is asking. You married a kampung girl who requested RM5000 which is enough for her, since you guys don't invite anybody to the wedding.

I am not like her! Is it my fault that most of friends come from well-to-do families that I tend to compare myself with them. I have to compare myself with successful people in order to challenge myself to be better. But my boyfriend said I am one ungrateful brat whose anything that I have is never enough for me.

I am educated and pretty and kind and I was raised in a standard way of living and my boyfriend said I am materialistic. I am not materialistic. If I were, I wouldn't save money by buying only cheap clothes. I don't wear designer clothes, Topshop is too expensive for me, I still wear the baju I have since I was 14 years old, and how come I am materialistic in this case!

I told my boyfriend, if he couldn't afford to buy me a Miu Miu handbag, then don't buy for me. Buy a cheaper one, I don't care. But he insisted. And we fight because of that!

It is ridiculous!

Then I told my boyfriend that he should've wedded me earlier, when Father was still alive, so Father could sort out most things for me, like my car insurance, my road tax and the place I will be living in after the marriage.

My boyfriend said my parents only asked us to study and I grow up smart but not street smart, I am not capable to do simple things like that.
My boyfriend said he didn't know Father was going to die because he was young and healthy and I told my boyfriend he is stupid because a lot of his friends are already dead because of heart disease or TB or something like that.






Gila stressed nak mampus.

I have paid an amount of deposit to a wedding planner.

But I hate her.

Well, I used to like her enthusiasm, but after a while, she never initiate to contact me! She is not committed at all! I feel so angry just thinking about it. Twice, she bailed on us. We made an appointment for her and the team to come to my house, but she didn't show up, not only that, she did not even send me a message! How rude!

According the the arrangement, a baju nikah is included in the price. The wedding date is very near, but she never bothers to call me up and take my measurement.

Being the typical egoist bridezilla (that I never knew existed in me), I pun tak ingin nak terhegeh-hegeh dekat dia. Whatever. The selection of baju that she has are not that beautiful anyway...Very limited I have to say.

Then, I found another wedding planner that I have faith in, but I am scared that it will be a tad too expensive from the budget that I've set for. I am so scared to tell Mother, I'd probably lie to her. At times like this, I wish I were rich. Or, at least I had well-connected friends, or talented friends.

You know, later, after I got married, I will make an entry of how I wanted my wedding to be like and compare it with how my wedding actually turned out to be.

Oh, well, like Oprah said, "You can get everything that you want, just not at the same time."

Redha dan syukur.

Hmm, enough of stressful wedding talks. The experience from being Ectopy from the moment I was born into this world has taught me that: I just have to let things flow and things will turn out okay. Seriously, I was born not to plan, I was born to be spontaneous and surprise myself with the outcome. I hope.

On a happier note, I suka sangat with the stress-relieving activities that I've got myself involved into for the past few weeks.

If I weren't anonymous, I would've written a blog post entitled: Things to do before getting married.

You know what, if I were younger and had seen a woman at this age terkinja-kinja, mesti I commented something nasty or I'd judge that person.

The funny thing of getting old is, sometimes, you don't feel it. I didn't realize that I was older than most of the participants and by the time I realized, I just thought, "Hey, I'm happy that I'm still able to do this at this age!"

When I was about 22 years old, I was abroad, and I saw this very stylish woman in stilettos and cool shades, pushing a baby stroller with another toddler next to her trying to keep up.

I remember it so vividly, I told myself, "That's how I want to be after I have chidlren."

Now, thinking back, it is so difficult to apply the same situation in Malaysia. Nanti I balik kampung, orang cakap, I buang tebiat. Haha.

One can say, just adjust yourself to fit in. But I'm sure other people would say I'm a hypocrite.

Oh, well, there are always opinions, and at this age, I shall learn not to care of what people think of me as long as I am okay.

Reputations are for hormonal teenagers, I have none.

Anyway, apart from that, I was with my travel buddy for the weekend, a few weeks back. It felt good. He probably did not feel it, but I was indeed quite sentimental about it.

That would probably the last impromptu trip I will ever have. That was definitely the last trip I would ever have with my travel buddy!

We also met up with his Uni friend who is a local there. He introduced me to her, "Didn't you know she is my travel buddy? We have travelled a lot together..." and he started to name the countries we have covered together.

He might not notice it but I was so touched that he still remembers about our good times together. And I was touched that it was not only me who think of him as my travel buddy! :')

Back to KL, I drove, while he slept through the journey. Lagilah I sedih dengan keheningan malam. I will miss his companion.

My boyfriend and I have talked about this. He said after the marriage, whether I like it or not, things will have to change. I will be a married woman, and he will be my husband. Everything I do will depend on his blessings. Therefore, I could not hang out with my guy friends like, just the two of us, because my boyfriend doesn't trust the devil that eventually becomes the third party.

I told my boyfriend, "Tapi you cakap kita Westernised!" He repeatedly said he wants to us to have sex by the beach and I should not be embarassed because, "Kita kan Westernised!"

If we were Westernised, why can't I have the kind of relationship that friends have in, 'Friends' or 'How I Met Your Mother' or 'Cougartown'.

"Dalam hal ni, takde Westernised nye...Kita back to basic," my boyfriend said. WTF.