One.

It was 8pm. I was at the petrol station.

A man was approaching.

I had palpitations.

I started to panic.

One step away from him.

I panicked so much that my reflex was to look around me for people, people who might witness what was going to happen, or better, those who might save me.

Stranger kept on moving forward.

I startled this time. Another step behind.

I used all my might to control myself from running like a mad woman.

Stranger: Assalamualaikum.

He saw me very uncomfortable, he should have just left me.

Me: Waalaikumussalam. Kenapa eh?

Stranger: Saya ni berjalan jauh. Tak ada duit nak makan...

Me: Ermm...Tak apelah, eh?
I shook my head.

Stranger: Terima kasih.

He finally turned his back and left.

I quickly sat in my car, my heart skipped so fast, about 200 per minute (I actually counted), it pounded so hard and I just had to cry.

My boyfriend called.
Boyfriend: Kenapa you nangis?
Me: Ada orang minta duit.
Boyfriend: You okay tak?

I cried harder when realizing he was not a bad man who was trying to harm me. He was a traveller, and I denied him a donation.

A donation I usually would have simply gave without much thought.
What have got into me?






Two.

At the airport.

Eating alone.

Purse on the bench, next to me.

Enjoying a meal.

Suddenly there was a waiter next to me.

Too surprised. My heart jumped immediately.

Purse gone missing.

Quickly looked for my purse.

Purse on my lap.

200 beats per minute. I took a deep breathe to calm me down.

Too slow. I needed myself to calm faster.

Hands gave an obvious shake. Uncontrollable tremors.







Three.

Mother once said I have too much gut.



Flashback to the time when I nearly got robbed.

Car window smashed.

Skin wounded.

Head hit.

Assaulted.

And having witnesses around me who were all too shocked/ scared to rescue me.

Mother and Father are so worried about me nowadays.

The repeated, "Tak serik-serik lagi ke?" is becoming sickening to hear.

You know what?

I refuse to be traumatised.

I refuse to be afraid.

Berani kerana benar, kan? Then why should I be afraid? I was not the robbers. The robbers are the ones who should be afraid for their wrong doings!

What the hell is wrong with the world now?

Just because they attack at night, we, the innocents should not go out at night?

No!

No, no, no!

I wouldn't allow it to happen.

I shall stay strong and life would go on, I would carry on like usual.






But guess what? Even with me strongly denying myself from being traumatised, there's a little part of me which was scarred.

Palpitations.
Fast heartbeat.
Shaky limbs.
Cold sweats.

The worst part is, I hate the way it makes me judgemental.

I can no longer stop at a traffic light, without cautiously scanning for any suspicious bikers.
I can no longer open up myself to strangers thinking they are harmless.

I hate myself for constantly thinking those who ride the motorcycles are villains, untrustable citizens.





I am sorry.

Probably they are desperate for money, for their dying parents, caught in the middle of a situation I probably would never understand (because I am probably fortunate enough, will never experience it).

But, to hurt someone, to hurt me, in the desperate attempt to get the instant cash, well, that's what I call, desperate for some drugs, desperate to get high.

Unforgivable.

I am sorry.

I don't know whether this entry is going to be long or short.
I have a lot of things on my mind now, but lets see whether I'll be able to jot down all of them.

Anyway, first thing first.

Last year, I lost my favourite watch. Not that I have many watches, but that particular watch was new and the most expensive I had owned/ bought. So, yeah, things happened and I redha.

Because we already planning to get married, I thought, why not he gets me a nice watch for my hantaran. Yes, I am very practical, I want things that I don't have or things I really need as my hantarans.

In the meantime, I'm using a kiddie watch, you know, the kind that is sold for RM10. I have no problem wearing it, in fact, I am happy because it is cute and if it gets lost, I can always get another one without regret.

Remember I used to drool over the Casio gold classic watch? Well, I am well over it because I've seen quite a number of people wearing it! (Sigh)

Again, because we already planning to get married, may I add to be more specific, not anytime soon, one day, after surveying a few watch shops, I called him up and said something like this,

"I am going to buy a watch! I don't care if we already agreed to wait for you to buy me a watch for my hantaran, but I cannot wait anymore. We are not getting married this year, so I am buying one!"

It just that, I still haven't found a dream watch.

The next day, I received a birthday present from him.

The background colour of the wrapper was brown, with scattered teddy bear prints and the words Happy Birthday all over.

We were in the car. He couldn't wait to give it to me (hence in the car), and I couldn't wait to un-wrap my present.

And in the car I shrieked and repeatedly said, "Oh, my God, oh, my God," upon seeing the box underneath the wrapper.

I totally didn't expect it because he said he already bought my present a while back, just waiting for the right time to give it to me.

Out of the car, I inspect the watch and saw something odd about the leather strap: it doesn't have the brand name stamped on it. Pointed this out to my boyfriend, but he said it's probably the latest design.

The next day, we went to a watch shop to add holes to my leather strap. There was no intention at all to check the price of my watch, I just want to make sure whether leather strap was original. To my amazement, the brand name was there!

Me: Sayang, I tengok jam tadi ada brand lah dekat tali dia...
Bf: Yeke?

By now, I thought my boyfriend bought me a fake watch. I didn't want to add salt to the wound, so I stayed quiet. I love my boyfriend so much, I would never embarass him, I would love his gifts, even if they are fake. He shouldn't have to buy me a fake watch, really, I would love him and the gift even if it is not expensive at all...

Bf: Tak apa, nanti Abang check...

He pulled out the receipt from his wallet and started dialling the shop number.

I saw the receipt, and I thanked God it is not fake. Haha.

Silly me. It couldn't be fake. I already saw the warranty card and I actually registered myself and the watch on the Internet the night I received the watch.
What was I thinking!

My boyfriend basically told the shopkeeper that he went to this other shop and saw that leather strap is not similar to the one he bought for me.

The shopkeeper profusely apologized over the phone, saying that he forgot that he already removed the original leather strap, and forgot to switch it back again!

WTF!

After the whole incident, my boyfriend, being paranoid, forced me to bring my new watch to a watch shop, and asked the sales lady to confirm whether the watch face is at least original.

It is. Alhamdulillah.

I think it an honest mistake. My boyfriend is his regular customer. Besides, the shopkeeper called my boyfriend for a number of times to apologize, over and over again.

My boyfriend used the opportunity to torture him, "Apa ni, malu saya bagi hadiah untuk isteri saya. Saya beli jam mahal-mahal, awak buat macam ni..."

I pinched him for talking like that.

After he hung up the phone,

Bf: I boleh saman dia, jual barang tipu.
Me: Dia tak tipulah, dia lupa...
Bf: Kalau I buat aduan, dia boleh tutup kedai!
Me: Ala...Kadang-kadang you pun buat silap kan...
Bf: Hish, mana ada I buat silap, especially kalau barang mahal. I tak kisah kalau barang murah, tapi I beli mahal ni!
Me: Tapi dia minta maaf kan?
Bf: Mestilah, sebab dia takut! Lesen dia boleh kena tarik balik. Kalau I sebarkan hal ni dekat kawan-kawan I, dia boleh hilang customer! Nasib baik you ni prihatin. Kalau you tak perasan leather dia tak original? Rugi je...

The moral of the story is, always inspect your goods.

My boyfriend ni pun pelik. It is so unlike him not to inspect his purchases. My boyfriend said it is because they already wrapped the box, so he couldn't open it again and inspect for any flaws.

The next day, my boyfriend called and said,

Bf: I already got your original leather straps! Cantik gile...
Me: Really? How does it look like?
Bf: Lebih kurang macam you punya, tapi ada brand name under the strap.
Me: So, straps yang sekarang ni, kena pulang balik ke?
Bf: Ah, tak payah. Dia bagi free je. Dia dah malu...
Me: Dia tak bagi free gift lain ke?
Bf: Dia bagi I discount sebab kebetulan I ada hantar my watch to him for a service...

I love my watch so much, I wish I could sleep with it but my boyfriend doesn't allow that... :(

This is the best material gift I have ever received in my life so far! Yeay!