Saturday, May 29, 2021

It's a moral dilemma.

Me, holding this position, trying the best I can to be transparent and fair, versus, me, getting targetted by my superiors to let their families cut the queue and asking me for favours.

It is againsts my morale. Even though, I know, I am not the most righteous person to begin with, but, this is something that I believe in. I believe in not 'mengambil hak orang lain'. I feel greatly guilty when I conciously do. I do ask forgiveness from Allah after I pray, but I wonder whether that's enough. It is not enough, I guess, because I am still doing them favours...Taubat is when you stop doing the sin completely.

I am stuck.

I do understand why my superiors/ colleagues are anxious. They don't regard it as jumping the queues, as they all think their family members deserve it too. True. But, we must understand that we are all important. What makes your relatives are more important than the rest of us?

I am getting messages and calls everyday, bertubi-tubi, attending to the favours and clients, trying to make everyone happy.

I do explain why I can't favour them, but I keep getting requests, still. They even use a third person to ask me about their status...

Sometimes, I tell myself, "Patutlah I tak jadi bos, Allah tak nak I end up like this."
But, you know, those people can mock me and say, "No wonder lah tak naik pangkat, sebab you tak aggressive! Slow!"

Memang ni je kot tahap I. I redha je lah...I've come to terms of my current self: self-acceptance and self-love. To the point that I pray, "Oh, Allah, grant me what You know is best for me, because You are the most knowledgable."

It's better this way. If there are difficulties in my life, I know Allah picks this for me, and the outcome will only for my very best interest. They always are. After almost 40 years of living, how could I still deny the works of God?

Thursday, May 20, 2021

 Hi guys...I'm backkkkk

Does this mean, I'm depressed now?

Heh. Partly.

Remember when I told it got significantly less busy after I transferred here?

Oh, well, oh, well...Spoke too soon...

It's a different kind of busy now.

Previously, I needed to be on site on certain days...Versus now, my body will be at home after office hours, but I still work, on daily basis! I've so many messages to reply to, to read and digest on, plus other tasks etc...The hardest part? It looks easy but, really, I am busy as you are!

Nevertheless, I am still grateful.

I am older now, hopefully wiser. If someone hurts me, just smileeee...

Why are you smiling?

Because this is an opportunity to collect and gather good deeds, that's all that matters now. Lagipun, doa orang teraniaya kan dimakbulkan...I wouldn't waste my doa for that person, of course.

Anyway...

I am disliking France more and more. First, the ban of hijab. Then, the support to Israel. They even ban the pro-Palestinian rallies. What is this hate to Islam!

Tak sedar diri ke orang-orang yang beli brand mahal-mahal tu banyak orang Arab kaya!

Tapi, Muslims who are just as obsessed about the luxury brands pun, sama bodoh jugak...

So, goodbye Chanel, LV, Dior, etc...

Okay, writing about boring stuff makes a good sleeping pill. Good night.