cukuplah.

A part of me, likes it if my boyfriend stays at where he grew up. Everything is simple and modest and I want to raise my children in that kind of environment:

In a neighbourhood where you learn how to handle the jenazah since you were hardly a teenager, where gotong royong is still widely practised, where young boys and their friends go to the mosque and are trained to become Imam and Bilal, where you are surrounded by humble lives that make you hugely grateful even though you are not that rich, where little children get excited over a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, where nobody cares what brand of clothes and handbags you are wearing because they have never even heard about it, let alone know how to pronounce it.

I'd like to live there too. Helping out people. Giving out money instead of getting too caught up with work because whatever you have is never enough for you. Presently, we simply have to have more, don't we?

I'm glad that I've experienced both worlds of near extremes.

I know many people who never ride a plane before, people who got excited because it was their first time being on LRT, people whose dream is to go to Sunway Pyramid and buy something from that shopping mall.

Most of these people are nice, hardworking kind. The type who always have a dictionary in one hand, and whenever they watch an English drama, they would pause at certain times to search for the foreign word they've just heard in the dictionary for its translation, and then continue to enjoy the show.

The kind who swaps telur bistik for telur dadar because telur bistik is quite expensive for them.

The other extreme? Family owns a helicopter and bought 7 LV bags at one go.

When you put the two types of people side by side and I ask you, "Who is the more successful?" What will your immediate response be?

In my opinion, a success is a success and cannot be measured by how much you make every month. How shallow can you be if you judge the degree of a success by looking at the brand of the car one is driving.

Sometimes, I just want to tell these young people, "Walaupun kita miskin, tak semestinya kita tak boleh berjaya dan kita bukan orang berjaya."

Some people choose to live humbly like the Prophet. Right now, I choose to be just comfortable.

(Right now lah, in a few hours, I might change my mind and I want to be rich again. Haha. Nafsu.)

under one roof.

Sometime last week, Father made me cry and then he cried as well.

After that, he accused Mother for being such a 'lalang' because sometimes she is on my side, sometimes she is on Father's.

My sister received a scolding too because she defended me during the ordeal.

So, there we were in a room, parents and daughters crying.

In the end, I left the place just to avoid further arguing and I didn't want to listen to the hurtful words coming out from Father's mouth, most of them were inaccurate anyway.

I walked and walked untul I saw a bakery shop and asked for a hot chocolate and a pastry to accompany me on a cold night. I thought of how my life will be doomed forever because Father had labeled me as anak derhaka. I came to accept that I will suffer in this life, tapi tak apalah, biar Tuhan balas anak derhaka ni dekat dunia, rather than He saves the punishment masa akhirat.

A text message from Mother was received, "Kamu dekat mana? Baliklah cepat. Jangan ikutkan hati yang marah. Baliklah. Lepas tu, minta maaf walaupun kita tak bersalah." I arrived back half an hour later, took a long shower and cried until I fell asleep.

I was supposed to move in with my parents but after that incident, I am determined to avoid home as much as possible.

Mother knew as I told her the day after.

My reason is simple: We can't live under the same roof. We'll end up fighting, as always.

That's why whenever I call home, I only talk to Mother.

Mother tried to coax me, "You know how your Father is. Takkan tak kenal lagi perangai dia...Dengan Abang kamu pun dia selalu bising, tapi Abang kamu senyap saja, buat tak tahu."

"Ma, mana boleh semua anak-anak Ma perangai sama. Salah seorangnya mesti kena berani bersuara!" And in this family, I am the condemned one, the black sheep, the rebel, the one who is brave enough to stand up for myself.

"Abang kamu pun kadang-kadang bersuara juga. Kadang-kadang dia tak ikut juga kata bapa kamu," Mother said.

We spent a few days later unusually quiet.

I asked my sister to be the middle man but she also gave up. "Biarlah dia. Bila dia tahu dia silap, nanti dia senyaplah," my sister smiled.

ponder.

My friend and I were talking about this other guy who always invite my friend and his friends to solat jemaah. Somehow, they find it annoying.

One day, my friend confronted him and told him, "Hey, I am not that kind who solat jemaah. I pray, but I just don't solat jemaah, okay?"

After numerous rejected persistency, this guy decided to go to the mosque to achieve his desirable solat jemaah.

But, he has a problem with the car pulak dah...

So, my friend said, "Nak buat baik memanglah banyak dugaan. Kalau sabar, baru dapat pahala lebih-lebih lagi!"

Eh, yeke? I thought nak buat baik lah paling senang...

I asked my boyfriend, "Do you love me? Even though I'm ordinary? Even though I'm an average person?"

He answered 'Yes' to all questions.

"Even though I cantik biasa-biasa? Pandai biasa-biasa? Baik biasa-biasa? Alim biasa-biasa? Masak biasa-biasa? Kaya biasa-biasa? There's really nothing special about me, nothing extraordinary...I'm not the best in anything and I don't standout."

Truthfully, I was feeling intimidated and inferior because I am really a biasa-biasa person. I know so many other people who have better lives than me, who I thought are way more perfect than I am.

My boyfriend told me something I needed to hear, "Sayang, semua tu hak Allah."

I felt a lot better after hearing his elaboration on that. Yes, all the things that sometimes we are proud of, even our parents, husbands, wives and children, they all belong to God and to God everything and everyone is returned to.

Tak apalah walau jadi an average Jane pun.

the guidebook

My boyfriend was in Kelantan when nature called and he desperately needed to find the loo. The nearest loo he could think of was the hotel and he rushed there to dump his faeces.

Haha. Pergi hotel semata-mata nak berak.

Anyway, to enjoy his relief, he hung out at the lobby reading the newspaper. He saw an elderly white couple and he quickly said 'Hi'. (My boyfriend is very friendly and he could strike a conversation to just about anybody. I think I wrote before how he sent a couple of Germans he met on the plane to their hotel, just because...).

So, it turned out, the couple were from the Netherland and they were on a holiday. They were stopping in Kota Bharu for a few days before heading to Pulau Perhentian.

The lady asked my boyfriend, "Should I cover my hair when going around the city (of Kota Bharu)?"

"No...Where did you get the idea?"

The lady pointed her finger to the guidebook she was holding, "I read somewhere that I should."

Haha! Kitab mano mu baco nih!

hello.

Hello. I've been busy. Busy and happy and grateful. Hence the absence from this blog.

There are so many things I wish I could share here, but I can't. There is nothing major, though.

I am actually in the mood to write but there's nothing particular in my mind right now.

Let me think...

Aha.

1.

I asked my niece whether she wants to study in England when she grows up. She rejected the idea. The reason being, "Ada selsema babi. Takutlah!" Laaa...

2.

I complained to my boyfriend that I owe God about 10 days of puasa nazar and I don't think I can complete it soon.

My boyfriend said, "Lain kali, ubahlah niat tu...Buat makan-makan untuk orang miskin ke..."

I thought about it for a while before concluding, "Mana I nak cari orang miskin? Sini tak ada, dekat kampung you banyaklah!"

And I'm glad he takes the advantage to do charity work every now and then in his hometown.

3.

Last week, I received the most flattering and sincerest compliment from a trusted friend regarding on my voice and looks. I thought about this for days before realizing how vain I am. Why did I get excited about something physical which will fade over time? I refuse to let myself be shallow!

4.

My friend told me about his married friend, B, who is having an affair with a married woman. B thinks it's not an affair.

Me: If it's not an affair, why does he have to make it a secret?

Friend: Good point.

The woman he is seeing, is his ex-girlfriend, now with two kids. The affair extends up to the point where the woman tells him where she will be for her family outing. B would be waiting in the same mall. The woman would then excuse herself from her family (basically, lying to her husband, leaving him with the two kids) to go to the loo but in the matter of fact, she makes a detour to see B.

The meetings usually last only for a few minutes.

To make matters worse, the woman claims that she's not happy with her marriage and B only recently got married. And the few-minute-meeting has now been upgraded to a lunch date.

Me: I feel sorry for B's wife. Bayangkanlah, baru setahun kahwin, husband pergi ada affair. I don't like this. I'm scared.

Friend: This is now very common in Malaysia, don't you know?

Me: I know. But that doesn't make it right. In that case, I'd rather belong to the uncommon group. Berdosa besar tau kalau tipu suami.

Friend: But B said it's nothing. They just talk.

Me: Sekarang ni, talk only lah. Lama-lama nanti...

Friend: That's what I told him. Get yourself out of this mess before it even starts.

Me: I know lah we don't ask for things like this to happen, but I am scared...I am scared that I'll become like that one day...You never know kan? Minta-minta dijauhkan...

Friend: Hmm...

Me: And we know I have the potential to become like that...

Friend: Yes, you do have the potential. Career kita ni memang ada huge risk not to survive marriage, especially when you are not with somebody who doesn't understand your work. I remember my mom's friend who got divorced because the guy said she didn't spend enough time with her family. Soon afterwards, she married her colleague.

Me: I don't like this kind of stories. Tukar topik lah!

5.

Where are all the good blogs out there? You are my inspirations to write, so don't go missing!

remember

Money issue hadn't resolved yet.

According to him, it's not so much about the amount of money (because, during the conversation, I told him: Eh, I thought you don't mind about your moolah), what bug him the most are

- why me? The same thing over and over again!

- I'm so nice to other people, I don't deserve this

- he is a friend that I've known for so long, I trusted him

- what's wrong with me, even your parents are against me (I'm sure you know how sometimes when you feel the world is out to get you, you start to list all the bad things that are going on in your life)

I knew he just wanted to talk and he didn't need a lecture from me so I lent him my ears. After he calmed down, we hung up. I, then, typed a super long SMS, to remind both him and I, and I hope it would remind some of you as well.

Challenges come in many forms and one thing we can do to face them is by staying positive and patient about it.

Lets admit it, in our lifetime, we have committed many sins, intentionally or not. So, why don't we treat the unfortunate things that come in our ways as punishments or challenges from God.

1) As a punishment.

I know sometimes, we question, "Why me? I'm better than him, but why doesn't he get punished?"

Dear, how would you know he doesn't have his own sets of problems? He might be like you as well, who keeps everything inside because we refuse to let others see our weaknesses.

Be glad that God chooses to punish you now. God makes life difficult now because he wants to ease our lives afterwards. Have faith in God is fair, and those who have not yet received their punishments, theirs are waiting in Hell. If you were to have the options, wouldn't you rather be sentenced this way than be burnt?

So, don't think that being kind is not worth it. It always is.

And if you are really sincere in the things that you do, you shouldn't expect any kinds of rewards from anybody, even from God.

2) As a challenge.

I think we all know the same old, same old reasonings behind this. We have to face the challenge because God wants to know whether we would still love Him even when we are at difficult times in our lives. Be patient and by having the experience of overcoming challenges in our lives, we will become better people, the experiences will aid us in manouvering our lives in the future bla bla bla, I think I wouldn't bore you guys by elaborating more in this topic.

The core is: The better a person is, the more challenges he get. Tengok Firaun yang kejam tu, tak pernah sakit pun...

3) I also told him the stories I read in keretamayat.com under the title Apa itu tasauf? (Part 2):

One part of the post is about a man who had a worker. When the worker decided to quit, he didn't take his last pay. The man used the money to invest in a business and the business boomed. One day, the worker came to him to claim his salary, so the man gave the money and all the profits from the business and the worker left him with nothing. The man remained redha with the situation and because of that, God helped him when he was stuck in a cave with two other men.

Redha (acceptance).

4) Sometimes, we forget that as unfortunate as we think we are, there are other people who are way more unfortunate than us. But they don't whine about it, so why should us?

Let me tell you a true story about me.

In college and university, I had failed several papers. Early on (when I first got the results), I felt stupid and I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve that because I always attended classes unlike some of my classmates who skipped classes but still passed. After a while, I began to accept it and as the day of repeat exam was approaching, a friend and I (who had to repeat the exam as well) decided to practice for the exam together.

Just by watching her, you'd know she worked hard, you could see the amount of written notes she had (unlike me, I prefer to read what's available and do nothing extra- No wonder I was not an excellent student, haha). During that session, I told her that sometimes I felt like quitting the course because I wasn't prepared with the amount of work we had to do, nobody told me what to expect before entering the programme. (Actually, there were people who told me about it but they never sat me down and told me seriously into my eyes. Perhaps, they didn't want to dampen my spirits) She, on the other hands, said she never felt like quitting because that was her interest and she was still interested in becoming a and she kept telling herself that nobody would care about our results once we enter the professional world.

So, on the day of the exam, a handful of us sat for the exams. We, much or less received our results on the same day (not the marks, but we knew whether we passed or failed) and I passed but she did not.

I quickly left the waiting area together with the few other guys who passed the exam because we wanted to give some privacy to those who didn't to talk personally to the examniers. As I was walking with another candidate, he said something like, "Poor Jennifer, she looked like she studied hard for the paper..."

I cannot imagine being in her shoes.

On a happy note, during those occasional repeat exams I had sat, I even managed to get the highest mark a repeat exam could get. (We were not allowed to get Honours on repeat exams). To soothe my heart, I told myself that if it was not a repeat exam, I would have scored and beat others. Too bad I screwed up the first one. And mind you, it's not easy to study for repeat exams because the exams are usually not isolated from the usual papers we had to take every semester. So, instead of studying for, lets say, 4 papers, we had to study 5 papers or 6 papers (depending on how many subjects you had failed previously)

5) Sometimes, we just cannot control everything in our life. No matter how organized we are, no matter how much effort we have put in the planning, sometimes we just can't make things go as we like, because the world does not only revolve around us, it depends on other external factors too, external factors that we cannot control.

Therefore, if sometimes we feel like we had done everything correctly, we had done our best, but things still fail to go accordingly, we just have to tell ourselves that: Things happen.

And 'Things happen for a reason.'

Don't dwell ourselves too much into our problems. Look forward, let the past be the teacher, and live in the present. Hold your head high but keep your feet on the ground. Aim for the stars, if the stars are out of reach, at least you'd land yourself on the moon.

And for that, my boyfriend thanked me and issues are finally let go.

trusting friends

My boyfriend just lost a huge amount of money because his 'friend' refused to pay him back.

He rarely shares his financial situation with me but this one was accidentally blurted out when I scolded him for being mad at me for no particular reason. He then felt guilty for making me his punching bag and began to tell me his problem.

Before we met, my boyfriend had been duped for several times and he never really cared about them because he was unattached during that time. This continued until the first few months he met me and I gave him a long lecture on how he should be more responsible in managing his money and I told him to stop trusting people too easily. "If you want to be serious with me, you need to start saving money for our future."

He obliged and suddenly, this happened. This is supposed to be a secret, I cannot tell anybody, but here I am telling you. Haha.

The reasons he doesn't want people to know are
- the person who 'borrowed' the money is a 'friend'
- he wants to maintain the friendship
- they share the same friends, so my boyfriend doesn't want to badmouth him to worsen the situation

I know men don't like it when we nag, but I couldn't help being nosy about it.

Me: Did you ask for your money back?
Him: I did. He said- "Oh, duit tu dah habis guna. Buat business tak pulang modal."
Me: Macam tu je dia jawab? Tak pulang modal pun, still kena bayar balik! Habis tu, you cakap apa?
Him: I nak cakap apa lagi...Malaslah I nak gaduh pasal duit.

Before I could say anything else, my boyfriend started to regret what he did, "I tahu you told me so many times before to make it black and white before lending money to people. Tapi I serba salahlah, kalau I suruh sign paper, orang cakap, dengan kawan pun nak berkira. Bila I bagi pinjam, tengoklah, jadi macam ni."

He whined some more, I pun mendengar je lah dengan setia, "Kenapa orang selalu tipu I huh? I tak pernah pun tipu orang. Itulah I nak kahwin dengan you cepat-cepat, I nak duduk dengan you, habis kerja, balik rumah, main dengan anak-anak. Kalau habis duit pun, habis dekat you juga. Kalau orang minta pinjam duit, I nak cakap- Bini aku pegang duit aku, I have no money, sorry, I can't help."

Me: Jahatlah your friend...Dia tak malu ke bagi anak bini makan duit haram?
Him: Dia tak kahwin lagi.
Me: Dia buat apa dengan duit tu? You tanak saman dia ke? You ada bank statement as a proof.
Him: Tak apalah. Duit saja. Mana-mana boleh cari.

He was really sad about it so I told him that he is too nice sometimes, he needs me to counterbalance his kindness because if I were him, I'd surely kick his friend's ass.

"Kenapa you tak tumbuk je dia? Do you want me to tampar him? Kalau tak dapat balik duit pun, at least puas hati! And I think I know which friend you are talking about!" I pun geram juga. I don't want to sound materialistic but the money was better off spent on me!






A few days later, I came across this really gorgeous pair of River Island shoes. I told him that if he bought me that shoes, I'd love him long time. Haha. "Don't you want me to love you long time?" I pleaded. Somehow, I ended up saying, "How come you never buy expensive gifts for me?!"

Him: Tak pernah?
Me: I baca satu blog ni, husband dia belikan 4-5 designer handbags every year.
Him: I tak kaya macam tu. You nak handbag ke?
Me: I nak kereta!

The moment I mentioned the word 'kereta', he became sad and said, "I geramlah bila ingat balik. Enam puluh ribu tu I boleh guna buat downpayment kereta tau atau boleh buat duit wedding," and he went on and on about it.

I understand his frustration, but he was the one who said it's only money and 'rezeki di mana-mana'.

Sudah-sudahlah tu.

Siapa suruh pandai sangat bagi a lump sum of money. Tipulah sikit, cakap, I can only give you ten thousands ke...Ni jujur sangat, helpful sangat. Inilah padahnya...

Lessons of the day:
- Baik hati biarlah secara bijak supaya tidak diperolokkan.
- Beli kereta dahulu sebelum memberi pinjaman pada orang.
- Anything to do with more than ten thousands ringgit must involve an official signed agreement.
- Ditch your useless friend before they ditch you after they use you.





I have less friends than my boyfriend but I dare to say my friends have qualities unlike his.
One of his former friends used to tell people that my boyfriend made me pregnant and I aborted the child overseas. Idiot.

animal

My boyfriend is convinced the person who cut a cow's leg while it was still alive was a drug addict.

I don't like to jump into conclusions, so I asked him why was he so sure, he said, "Kalau setakat nak mencuri, tak adelah sampai potong kaki lembu tu hidup-hidup! Menangis tuan punya lembu tu tengok lembu dia dah tak ada kaki."

Before this, there was an incident of a pregnant cow being killed, habis perut dia terburai. Cruel gila.






When a friend's sister was a kid, around 5 or 6 years old, she was being playful with a kitten and put the kitten into a jar (balang kuih raya!) and closed the lid. She then forgot about it and the kitten died. After a round of scolding, she felt bad about it and cried for days.








When I was a kid, during one rainy day, a snail came crawling to the porch of my house and my dad put salt onto it and I watched it died.

Then, I started schooling and my friends taught me to capture grasshoppers and put it in a plastic bag, and the person who catch them the most would win. I can't remember if we released the poor insects back to the schoolfield...Luckily, the trend didn't last that long. (Maybe because we made the population extinct and we moved on to collect pokok jarum emas instead)







According to psychologists, one of the first signs that a kid will grow up to become a psychotic criminal is the act of cruelty to animals, intentionally.

So, what's the worst thing you've ever done to an animal?






My friend believes that kids got abducted because it's God's punishment to their parents for separating mother cats from their kittens.
"Binatang pun ada perasaan juga. Sekarang baru diorang tahu perasaan hilang anak".

Oh-kay.

teka teki no brainer

I was eating strawberries when I was reminded of this simple riddle:

Dalam banyak-banyak buah, buah apa bijinya di luar?

Without thinking (and overlooking the very obvious hint: me eating strawberries), my boyfriend answered: Buah zakar!

Nooo!

"Buah dada? The nipples tu kira biji lah," he guessed again.

"Ish, bukanlah! Jawapannya buah strawberi atau buah gajus!"

I think my boyfriend is currently ovulating or something, haha.

Sorry if I annoy you guys for writing too much about my boyfriend lately. It kinda annoys me too...Hehe.

no shame.

1.

Him: I rasa hidung I ni mancunglah, boleh masuk pussy you...Hehehe...
Me: WTF?

2.

Him: I tak takut kalau ada orang tackle you. Hidung diorang confirm tak boleh lawan hidung I...Kalau hidung macam orang putih, tak apa juga!
Me: Sekarang memang ada mat salleh tengah tackle I pun.
Him: Oh, fuck!
Me: Haha!

3.

Me: You pergi tahlil malam tadi pakai kain pelikat ke?
Him: Yup.
Me: Ooh, sexy...
Him: I tak pakai underwear pun semalam. Haha!
Me: Tak senonoh! Kenapa you tak pakai! You confident ke you ikat kain pelikat tu ketat? Kalau kain pelikat you tercabut macam mana?
Him: Kalau kain pelikat I tercabut, terkejutlah semua orang...Tengok barang I besar! Hahaha!
Me: WTF!

4.

Me: Hello, good morning.
Him: Good morning. I keraslah...
Me: Why are you telling me this?
Him: Sebab dia tengah mencari sasaran...Hahaha...
Me: WTF, sasaran?!


Now, that's why I think we should be married. He is getting too comfortable revealing his private's life to me!