I am against forced marrieage.

This includes child marriages, when the child is not ready yet.

Also, including child marriages, even if the child agrees, because as we know, a child can be easily influenced, manipulated, and whatever understanding that a child has, won't even come close to the reality of marriage.

I'm also against unplanned pregnancy. Especially, when they shouldn't be pregnant for health reasons.

How selfish can that be? You can die. Your baby can die. Your wife can die. Your other children can lose their mother. And you knew but you don't care.

Then, you come to the hospital, expecting to be saved. God can save you, but what are you doing?

Of course, I can't be mad if they are already taken all the necessary preventions and they still get pregnant, I consider that a miracle. Hehe.

Anyway, what makes me write today is the news of the Sabahan young mother with 4 children, and she ended up slitting all 4 children and herself.

She's 30 years old with 4 kids, aged 8 months to 8 years.

She had her first when she was 18, she was pregnant at 17.

What I did when I was 16? I shook my niece because she was crying when I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it happened.

I quickly snapped out of it and felt insanely guilty, but that quickly thought me why a teenager shouldn't be left alone with a baby. It scarred me until today.

I didn't hate my niece, I love her with all my heart, but I still shook her to shut her up.

And...I was supposed to take care of her for 1 hour only, max 2 hours, while my mom went for mengaji Quran and while waiting for her parents to come home from work.

I was most rebellious when I was a teenager. I was horrible, impatient, irritable. And I was considered to be good one.

Imagine, even me, as a good teenager (comparing to the rest of my peers), can't even hold my temper.

What I'm trying to say is- you can be mature at 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, you can be intelligent emotionally, but, usually you don't have the patience yet to deal with kids. Because you yourself is still a kid.

So, yeah, no.

When you are young, you are not supposed to have children. Be committed to your work or studies instead. You can get married, but don't have children so early.

(A couple of my friends did this, get married at 20 and 22 years of age, went to the US and Australia with their spouse, have sex and all, but no children until they are ready)

Once, I read a comment, a mother of many children, who is so proud- Saya boleh minta tolong anak yang sulung untuk jagakan adik-adiknya. Umur 9 tahun tapi boleh mengemas rumah dan memasak.

Wow, you are proud of making your daughter as your maid? She's supposed to be studying and playing. Not taking care of YOUR babies. That is not her responsibility, that is yours.

I'm sure our mothers and our grandmothers did it. They did it because they didn't have a choice. They didn't know how to contracept.

Most of them had children who died in their hands, those days. I'm sure they didn't want that. Nobody wants that.

Did you know what they did to cope? They gave away their children. Not all, but most did. If they didn't, they must be the lucky, affordable ones.

Do you know what impact it has on the children who were given away? They were scarred for life, feeling unwanted, unloved, 'Why me?'. I know because my husband is a child who was given up. He's in his 40s and still finds it difficult to forgive, despite knowing why his mother had to.

To me, if you want many children, biarlah berkemampuan. Bukan every time you bagi excuse, accident...Orang accident kereta banyak kali pun, patut masuk jail and tarik balik lesen memandu.

Anyway, I sympathize this young mother. I assume she meroyan, I don't know, maybe she is schizophrenic instead, who knows. But, I hope she will get the help she needs. My heart goes to her and her family.

My friend shared in the Whatsapp group, her son's kindy teacher sent her a message-
Tadi saya bagitau Hariz, Mama balik awal hari ni. Tapi dia menangis. Saya rasa Hariz rindu Mama dia.

Yes, it's so heartbreaking to see that crying face. He is only 5, as old as my son. My friend is so hardworking. She always comes back at 8-9pm. She would spend the weekends at the library to study, or attend courses.

Maybe that's the reason he cried when his teacher told him Mama is coming earlier than usual.


I can't be that person. I'm not that strong. I'm always telling myself that my family is number 1.

I would finish my work on time. I hate spending time in the car to and fro my workplace. I avoid courses during the weekends.

Maybe that's why I'm not as successful as her. But, I make sure I'm there as much as I can with my children. So, I can't complaint. Just be grateful with what God has planned for me so far.


I'm already missing the kids when they are asleep.

We were working, it was nearing lunch time, and we had seen our last client.

We were ready for a break when she came. My staff told me, there was another person left.

I sighed and got irritated. Why did she come so late? In other places, we would have rejected her. She was late for her appointment.

I quickly called her to my room. We greeted each other. She was an elderly and came alone.

Our meeting was brief. It was straight to the point. I wanted to finish on time.

"Anything else? Mau tanya apa-apa?" I asked, typically to signal the end of the conversation.

Even though I was slightly annoyed, I did not show it. I smiled and made her comfortable throughout.

She then said, "Awak sangat baik. Sangat baik. Awak tak marah saya pun."

That, made me feel embarassed. There I was, thinking that she was a hassle, when in return, she thought I was kind.

Hypocrite much?

When I heard a grown man cried, no, not cried, wailed, as if telling us, help me, I couldn't but felt really, really sorry for him.

I texted my husband- Kesian kan jadi orang gila?

He came with a knife.

I immediately jumped into conclusion- he might had tried to kill himself. Why? Maybe he heard noises. Maybe he saw shadows. Maybe he was under a huge stress.

I texted my husband- Patutlah orang gila masuk syurga. Kesian sangat...

----

After he became calmer, he told us- he took ganja and ketum. At least, I presumed one correct, he did see shadows .

However, I felt betrayed. I felt cheated. There I was, sympathising you, but in actual fact, you just brought it upon yourself.

I was furious with him, for making me believe that he was a genuine case of schizophrenia. How silly of me...

#antidadah

Years ago, this video made me laugh. I remember I was still a college student then. I even posted it here. I watched it when I was alone in my room and I laughed out loud!

It's amazing how a 3-second video can be so amusing!


Last week, I came across this video.

I watched it on 4 different days, and it still produces the same effect on me- laugh out loud!

Usually, I would just smile and let out a little chuckle when I watched funny videos. But not this one, I almost laughed in tears. Haha.

I don't even understand why I find it super funny!

I knew it will be something to do with the makcik and roti canai, no element of surprise there, but it is hilarious.

Eh, if I were there as a customer, dah tersembur dah air.
If I were the roti canai guy's friend, I would've just HA HA HA.
If I were the Makcik, I dah tutup muka and left the place knowing people would have seen it.

Lawak gila okay! I still boleh gelak-gelak lagi tulis ni.

Quick update 5

Eh, banyak sangat update ni...
Tak apa...Sementara tengah bersemangat nak membawang ni...

On a lighter note, a few days ago, I met a client who cried in front of me because he misses his wife.

You see, they divorced 2 years ago. He said, his wife kena buatan orang, kena menderem...

He is in his 50s, loves his wife so much and he wants to get back together so badly, he can't keep it off his mind. He told me, sepanjang 29 tahun kahwin, tak pernah bergaduh besar. He tries really hard to cope, he moves away, but on weekends, he still visits his wife and children, they cook together and that makes him happy.

But, his wife refuses to rujuk.

I don't know lah...I memang terharulah sebab ada husband yang betul-betul mencintai wife dia, (and I hope my husband is one of them, hehe), tapi, adakah I percaya pasal kena buatan orang dan menderem menderem ni semua?

As a Muslim, I memang percaya pada benda ghaib, itu sudah wajib. Yes, ada jin, malaikat dan syaitan, memang ada orang yang pandai ilmu, but in today's world, how many people truly know how to practice ilmu-ilmu ni? Kadang-kadang tu kena scam je yang banyak...


Quick update 6

This year, I don't know why, I am more open to the idea of doing Hajj at this age. In terms of faith and practicing my religion, I am NOWHERE near perfect, but, it's my dream to be able to perform Hajj.

I feel like I have so many sins and I want a rebirth, a second chance. Of course, you can always repent anywhere and anytime, but Hajj is different. Especially when you are financially and physically able.

Orang yang dapat pergi Haji tu semua bertuah. Terpilih menjadi tetamu. I ni, siapa je...Orang picisan. Amalan terlalu sikit that it scares the hell out of me. Bilalah nak betul-betul insaf...

Oh, and kudos to all Malaysians who clean up after themselves in Mekah. I'm so proud that this year pilgrims show an examplary attitude to jemaah from other countries.

I read in the news that Malaysians were calm and coorperative during the storm, and they keep their tents clean.

I wish them all for Haji Mabrur, InsyaAllah.

Quick update 4

Just now, I saw on Facebook, a boy studying in Nottingham University asking for donation to fund his first year of uni.

But the comments I saw from fellow Malaysians...
Memang betullah ramai orang bodoh di Malaysia ni.

First of all, they like to judge by the headlines without even reading the contents.

Budak tu pandai kot...I'm sure if he actually sat for SPM and attempted applying for a scholarship, he would have gotten it. But, of course, if that happened, you stupid people would say, "Eh, dia bukan dari keluarga yang susah, jadi dia tak layak dapat biasiswa. Mak dia doktor (Phd), jadi dia kaya!"

But, he didn't mengambil hak orang lain. He went to study overseas because his family thought they could afford it. Along the way, something must have happened. They are short by a few thousand ringgit. They asked for help.

If you're smart, you'd know that MOST doctors (clinicians or non clinicians) are not rich.
Orang Malaysia yang kaya ni kebanyakannya adalah founder produk sampah (eh, kantoi follow Khairul Yoi, haha), tapi yang kaya jenis macam ni biasanya kaya sebentar sahaja sebab...Percayalah Allah itu Maha Adil.

Anyway, kalau tak nak tolong budak tu, at least tolong jangan bagi komen-komen bodoh.

-----

Masa tengah kecoh-kecoh pasal PTPTN beberapa bulan lepas, before it was decided that these debters can all go overseas, I saw this

Ni lagi satu otak sampah.
I was so mad, I quickly sent the printscreen to my husband with the caption: mentality low class.

Gila tak pemikiran orang-orang macam ni?
Dia nampak superficial je. Dia tak sedar pun how a person struggles to study. Sebab, dia tak pernah study susah-susah kan?

You can say, a person who works at KFC is working as hard, but NEVER downgrade a person with education.

Quick update 2.

Eh, apa ni sekarang trend buat bun besar-besar untuk tudung ni? Siap ada giant scrunchie semua?

I know it's pretty, but I remember when I was in primary school, Ustadz had warned me, can't remember exactly the hadis, but along the line, "Kepala wanita seperti bonggol-bonggol unta."

You cannot do that on purpose lah! What more if you fake your bonggol with them scrunchies!

Am I the only one who feels this is wrong? Because so far, I haven't encountered anyone who made a comment about this matter.

Anyway, just in case you didn't know...Yep, cantik biasa-biasa cukup lah...Tak payah luar biasa sangat...


Quick update 3

Found out my stupid ex-maid is now working in Komtar, JB, using a different name.

What would you do?

Eee...Bongok sangat. I'm so upset that I don't want anything to do with her anymore.
But some have advised me to confront her and tuntut ganti rugi. She did take a lot of our stuff...

I want to serahkan pada pihak polis, but every one knows that it's going nowhere.

Hish. Bongoklah dia tu! I hate her and has wished many bad things to happen to her. Even though I know it's better to wish on good things to happen to me instead (because doa orang yang teraniaya adalah makbul), I just couldn't help myself lah, okay!
I'm only human...

Quick update!

So, I admit that I stalk people on Instagram and Facebook. But at least I don't discuss about them openly with my friends...Well, maybe about once a month and usually lasts for 5 minutes only. Ain't no saint here.

Anyway, this person mentioned about a scammer on her Instagram and I decided to Google about the scammer. What I stumbled upon was pages and pages about this person (not the scammer). Just wow...!

First of all, I'm amazed by the number of people talking about her. Basically just bashing her appearance, fashion sense, and petty petty things, in fact, almost every thing about her. And I'm sure most of these people don't know her personally (like me) but how come they hate her so much?! The things that they said were very mean!

Secondly, this person is not a celebrity, not a TV/ radio personality, she's just someone who is famous during her blogging days. She didn't even do anything controversial recently, but people keep talking about her.

This reflects on me lah, okay. I mean, I don't look down at her, but I used to think, "Wow, sexy nya minah ni sekarang!"
But tonight, I am reminded of how fortunate she is in some ways.

Ustazah-ustazah for surely say things like, "Tutuplah aurat, kembalilah ke pangkal jalan, bla bla bla," but tonight, I realized, every day, this girl senang-senang je dapat free pahala from all the people who mengumpat her. Banyak sangat tau!

Korang ni kutuk-kutuk dia, tapi mana tau, masa dekat Akhirat nanti, dia yang dapat masuk syurga hasil kutipan pahala free. Maybe ini just ujian untuk dia?

My maid ran away. This isn't the first time my helper left, we don't mind so much about her leaving, in fact. But, this time, she stole our things, estimated RM10k worth of valuables.

*Sigh*

She took my daughter's gold necklaces, my ring, the kids' duit raya and my other phone.

Jahat, kan?
It's like, she was here with us for more than a year, just to eye on the things she stole.

Yang paling sedih, my phone...

You see...I don't think I'm pretty. Therefore, I don't enjoy taking pictures of myself. Plus, my husband and I are in a long distance relationship. So, mostly I take pictures of my kids. Or with me, without my tudung.
This is why I didn't use Instagram.
I didn't need to.

I feel like crying writing this.

I know, I know...They are just pictures. But my kids are growing up and I will never see them small again. And she took my phone and all their pictures and I don't have any backup whatsoever.

This is my first time crying about this.

I let my kids use iPads. I'm a bad mother, I know. But, whenever they are playing, I would put my phone down and play with them too. I don't use my phone to take their photos while they are playing.

Reason being, I want to be a present mother. I want to lead by example. I want to give them all my attention. And I've had them telling me, "Mommy, letak phone tu," and "Mommy tak boleh tengok phone!"

For example, yesterday, we played with the water guns and I let them shoot me until I was soaked wet. I was Mario (from Super Mario) and my son was the villain who was trying to kidnap the princess (my daughter).
We had so much fun.
However, I didn't bring my phone.

So, do you understand how few pictures I have of them, especially when they were smaller?

I always tell myself, the most important things are memories.
We don't usually remember what exactly happened, but we always remember how we feel at a particular time or place, with a particular person.
Now, I can eat my own words because memories are better with pictures!

The reason I was so cool about this (initially) is I tried to stay calm, patient and see the brighter side of it. Redha.
Tapi, saya insan lemah.
I am now upset.

My problem is actually petty if I compare myself with other people.
I shall be thankful instead.
At least my maid didn't physically hurt my kids, right?

Eeee...I don't to waste my energy and time on my stupid maid lah!

Allah akan gantikan dengan yang lebih baik, InsyaAllah.